I'll Give You Forever
by Chikai Tenshi
Summary: What we often think of as the end never is. After Kaoru and Misao's tragic deaths, Kenshin and Aoshi have vowed to make everything right. But what happens if this time, their love is no longer wanted?
1. Prologue

_12/24/2004_ Hey, guys. An update will be out soon, but I was really getting annoyed by the bad formatting of a couple of chapters. So I'm going to fix these first.

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL!

---------

_If you were to kill me, would I forgive you?_

Kenshin knew it was coming. He could feel it in his bones, the way a chill raced up his spine. He could feel it in his body, the way that his nerves started to scream a warning.

But most of all, he thought as he looked into her determined eyes, most of all...he could feel it in his heart.

It thudded painfully as she gripped his wrist. She seemed to be grasping for the things to say. Kenshin wished vainly that she would never find them. That things would stay the way they were.

_Please. Not now. Not when I have finally found peace. _

_Not when I have finally found love._

But she spoke.

"Do you love me?"

There was a silence, punctuated by pain.

"Karou-_dono_…_Sessha_," he struggled with himself.

"Don't try to evade the question, Kenshin, I'm tired. Do you love me?"

_I'm sotired of being alone._

_Tell her_! His heart screamed. He had to. He had kept it to himself for so long…

"_Iie_."

There was a moment of silence, heavy in its finality. Kenshin's heart ached as he watched the light slowly fade from her eyes. Tears would have been better than her broken acceptance.

_Please, don't look at me like that. _

As if in answer to his silent plea, she closed her eyes, slowly releasing his arm. Her voice was cold and razor sharp with pain when she finally spoke.

"Goodnight. I—tell everyone goodnight for me."

She turned away, leaving him in the courtyard alone. He watched her, his eyes filling as her walk turned into a run for the sanctuary of her room.

"Karou…" he whispered, violet eyes filled with grief as her shoji slammed shut. He raised a hand, fingers outstretched.

_You do not deserve peace. How could you ever deserve love?_

His hand dropped to his side where it curled into a fist. "I'm so sorry," he choked out, turning away to sink silently onto the stone bench.

In the end, his mind had won with the simple argument. _Save her_. He had to save her.

_How could I ever deserve love?_

_---------------------------_

Aoshi knew that she had entered the room, even though she had employed all of her skills to enter soundlessly. Even though he faced the window and she had done nothing but stare at his back for the past few minutes.

But his heart knew. The darkened room seemed just a little lighter with her presence. It was always just a little warmer when she was with him.

And he knew before she opened her mouth to speak that something was wrong.

"Aoshi-_sama_."

"Misao."

"We have to talk, Aoshi-_sama_."

He had known that she would say such a thing. Had known, but had not expected it.

"No."

"We have to."

"No."

Her voice grew quieter. Heavier. "Aoshi-_sama_."

"Misao, I told you NO. Go to bed."

He heard her intake of breath. He braced for the oncoming onslaught.

"Aoshi-sama, I hate you!" the ninja girl screamed in rage. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!"

No blade could have dealt a sharper blow.

"Misao-_chan_," he sighed, forcing himself to remain calm in spite of the hurt. "Go to bed."

"I'm not a child anymore, you idiot!" she cried in desperation. "I'm not a child, can't you understand! I love you! Can you not even tell me that you care about me? Can't you even lie for me?"

He balled his hands into fists, waiting for them to stop shaking before he turned to face her.

_Lie to me…_

"Misao." He had to pause, had to keep the pain out of his voice. "Leave."

Her aqua eyes shimmered with tears as she watched him turn away. She groped for the door handle and stumbled out.

When she clicked the _shoji _shut she fell to her knees and wept, pounding her small fists into the wooden floor. "Can't you even lie to me? Aoshi, I'm dying. I'm _dying_. And…and I don't want to be alone."

In her grief she never heard the sorrow of the man placing his hand on the door that kept them apart.

_I promise I'll believe…_

_--------------------------------_

The next morning, two screams of agony could be heard in Japan. Two souls would never be the same again.

_I do not want to be alone…_


	2. And so it Begins

/thoughts/

_memories_

_past voices_

_------------_

_I do not want to be alone… _

---------------------

Aqua eyes twinkled with merriment as the girl ran across the freshly cut grass of the campus. Enjoying the feel of her long black braid flying behind her, she turned and stuck out her tongue at her two lagging sisters, who in turn rolled their eyes collectively.

"Misao-_chan_, watch out!" Karou cried out a warning too late. The youngest Hajime sister gasped in shock as she collided into a hard wall of…stone?

/ But stone doesn't grunt…/

She looked up. And nearly died.

"Ah! I'm so sorry," she shrieked, bowing hurriedly to the boy she had crashed into.

"It's nothing," he assured her, ice blue eyes impassive as he shook his head. "Don't worry about it."

She stood and stared, transfixed. Something inside her yearned, only for a moment, for something she couldn't decipher.

The footsteps of her sisters broke her out of her trance, and Misao blinked at the curious boy.

"Misao, you are such a klutz considering you're a martial artist for goodness' sake!" her oldest sister Megumi chided, her cinnamon eyes amused as she brushed at her sister's clothes.

"Misao…?" he murmured, ice orbs glazing over. His chest tightened, and as he raised a slim hand to his heart, the world tilted beneath his feet.

"_Aoshi-sama, Misao-chan will always love you, ne? And will Aoshi-sama love Misao-chan always and forever too? Will you?_"

/what? /

"I'm so sorry, Shinomori-_san_," Karou smiled sheepishly as she watched her two sisters bicker. "Misao-_chan_ is always bit…hyper active in the morning."

The unflappable gaze was almost panicked for an instant before his mask set in once more. He simply nodded and walked away without a word or backwards glance.

"What an insufferable man he is," Megumi huffed as soon as he was gone. "It's a shame he's one of the most sought after men on campus. He doesn't say a damn word!"

"Well, not everyone's as happy as you and Sanosuke, Megumi," Karou smiled wistfully. "Some people just want to be loved. Even if its by the wrong person."

Misao shook off the uneasy feeling in her stomach and turned to grin cheekily at her sister.

"_Ne_, Karou-chan, what about that guy who's been after you? Yukishiro Enishi?"

Kaoru blushed and tugged her sister's braid as the bell rang.

---------------

"Oi, hurry it up, will you?" Sanosuke Sagara snapped. "Kitsune is going to be steaming if I'm late again!" The tall man stretched his long legs as he ran his fingers through his hopelessly messy brown hair. "_OI_!"

"Why don't you take your own car, Sano?" red hair, teased by the wind, whipped around a golden tanned face. His violet eyes narrowed as he gunned the engine. "I don't like being your chauffeur."

"Funny you should ask that, Kenshin," Yahiko Sagara piped up from the back. "The answer is that my _baka_ of a brother managed to sabotage our ride once again last night."

"Shut up, Yahiko-_chan_," Sanosuke snarled at the spiky haired boy. "I didn't wreck the car…it's just a bit…out of order."

His friend flashed Sano a disbelieving look as they dropped dark eyed, scowling Yahiko off at the high school. On his way to the campus, he sneaked a sly glance at his best friend. Sanosuke's blush only meant one thing.

"In other words, you ran it into a telephone pole again, _de gozzaru_," he smiled. "What were you dreaming about? Or were you drunk again."

Sano's protests were cut off in a high-pitched howl.

"Sagara Sanosuke, you are L-A-T-E!" Hajime Megumi scolded as she tugged harder on his ear. "_Tori-atama_, you know I don't like waiting for your sorry ass!"

"Aw, _kitsune_!" the boy who towered over her was reduced to a spineless puddle at her feet. Kenshin smirked as he introduced himself to the pretty daughter of the most feared detective in Tokyo, but a stab of longing shot through him. He pushed those melancholy thoughts away.

"Megumi, you forgot your bag again," a soft tone reproached the fox. "I'm your sister, not your gofer, you know."

He turned as Sanosuke started to laugh. Kenshin stiffened.

She was beautiful. With expressive dark blue eyes against golden skin and black hair that reached her waist, she radiated natural splendor. But it was something else that struck a chord. She held herself like a fighter, confident and strong, but also with coy innocence.

He found that he couldn't breath.

_No matter what, it was always her eyes that struck his heart. She had his loyalty and respect, if she wanted them or not, but for the sake of the innocence in her eyes, he would not …he could not tell her that she also had his heart._

"Thanks," Megumi sighed, her slim fingers grabbing the said sack and flinging it over her shoulders as her sister yelped. "Oh, Himura Kenshin, this is my sister, Karou."

/He had stepped on her foot/

"Nice to meet you, Himura-_san_," Karou smiled, although a bit painfully.

He nodded as if in a daze and grasped her hand to shake. In that one moment, all of time stopped.

_The rain pelted down on her as she ran, her tabi making dull thuds as they slapped the pavement._

"_Stop! Battousai!"_

_A man turned to look at her with unmistakable shock. "Oro?"_

_Beautiful violet eyes…she found herself drowning in them as her heart was stolen away._

She wrenched her hand away, her voice unsteady. "N-nice to meet you, Himura-_san_, but I must be going now. See you all later!" And with that, she turned and ran as the first bell rung.

_/What was that?/_

_------------------------_

"Karou, over here," Megumi called, waving a hand to flag her sister over.

Misao had already sat down by her oldest sister's side, leafing through a chemistry book while picking at her food. She looked up with a smile as a tray slid across from her, but it vanished in an instant to be replaced by nervousness. Cool blue eyes regarded her as the older boy took his seat.

"Mind if I sit here?" Aoshi Shinomori asked quietly.

Misao fought the urge to pinch herself. One of the most sought after seniors on campus was asking if SHE, a lowly sophomore, minded his company? All she could do was dumbly shake her head no. He nodded his thanks and reached for a napkin in the middle of the table, brushing her hand in the process.

Something inside her recoiled at his touch…

"_I've really wasted my whole entire life on a man who doesn't even care for me," she sighed painfully. "I'll never make that mistake again." A wave of agony washed over her and she dropped to her floor with a moan, clutching at her chest. The attacks were getting worse. The doctor had told her that she might not make it through the night. Just as well. What was there to stay alive for? _

_Emotionless, she watched as spots of blood stained the wood in front of her eyes._

_And then she let go._

_/I wanted him to care, damn it. I wanted him to care for me. Was that too much to ask?/_

"Is something wrong, Hajime-_san_?" Aoshi asked, opening his juice. Her aqua eyes had widened in a fascinated horror and her fork fell to the ground with a clatter.

"N-nothing is wrong, Shinomori-_san_," she forced a smile, bending to pick up the fallen utensil. /Nothing…except I just saw myself die with you as my last thought. /

-----------------------

"There's Megumi!" Karou muttered under her breath, finally spying her sister's waving hand.

"Karou!" Suppressing a moan, she turned. So close to freedom!

"Enishi, how are you?" she asked, forcing a small smile.

"Karou, you should be careful," he said to her, reaching up to trace her cheek with his hand. His eyes darkened considerably when she moved away. "I saw you talking to the Battousai on the grounds before class. He's dangerous."

"Battousai?" she asked, a frown marring her face before it hit her. "Kenshin?"

His smile scared her as he raked his hand through his odd white spikes. "Yes, him."

"_You're mine, is that clear, Karou?"_

_She dodged his kiss, a chill running down her spine. His smile had always scared her. _

"Listen, I've got to run, all right?" she flashed him a dazzling grin despite her fear. "_Ja_!"

He merely tipped back his tinted shades and smiled wretchedly. Would history repeat itself? He hoped not. She would be his in this lifetime.

Whether she wanted to or not.

-------------------------------

"Kenshin, sit with me today," Sano instructed, leading his friend over to his girlfriend's table. "Megumi's little sister is one pretty girl, and I think that you need a love life, _ne_?"

"Sano…" the smaller man warned, allowing his friend to lead him through the crowd nonetheless. He grunted as his elbow bumped a tray.

"_Ai_!" an annoyed voice gasped. "Watch it!"

"I'm sorry_, de gozzaru_," Kenshin offered, bending down to pick up her fallen books. He looked for her food, but cou;dn't find it. Puzzled, he looked up.

"I have it," she said, her eyes unreadable as he stared.

"She threw her lunch in the air and caught her food on the plate when you bent down to get her books." Sanosuke glowed with brotherly pride. "That's Karou."

"Hi, _Tori-atama_," she smiled, balancing her tray on one hand to give him a hug. "Pretty impressive, _ne_? Too bad I can't avoid being bulldozed though."

"We meet again, Karou-_dono_," Kenshin smiled.

She faced him with a bright smile of her own, which faltered as the memory of her vision came back to her.

She hadn't really looked at him before, but now that she did, she realized that he was one of the most handsome men she had ever seen. Slender and only a few inches taller than her, his wide purple eyes were framed by red lashes that served as a contrast for his golden skin. His hair was a bright crimson, and it fell to his chin in jagged layers.

But the most interesting thing by far was a birthmark on his left cheek. She found her hand reaching out to trace it. _A cross._ _A cross shaped scar on his left cheek._

_His hair… is supposed to be longer, falling down his back, held by a small tie._

"We have to stop meeting like this, Himura-san," she forced, snatching her fingers back.

_We have to stop meeting at all._

_---------------------_

"_Promise me you'll never leave me, Kenshin."_

"_I will never want to, Kaoru-dono."_

"_Then that's enough for me."_

_But its not. It never was. _


	3. Memory

_Memories_

_Past voices_

/thoughts/

_If we could choose our destinies, would you choose not to have met me?_

_---------------_

"We have to stop meeting like this, Himura-_san_," she forced, snatching her fingers back.

_We have to stop meeting at all._

_------------------_

"_Kitsune_!" Sano kissed her cheek as he took his seat.

Sometimes he couldn't believe how lucky he was. Gorgeous and smart, Megumi was one of the most popular girls in school, and with her long black hair, rich cinnamon eyes and milky skin, it was little wonder why. Sano was considered handsome as well; all the girls on campus fawned over his gruff good looks and warm chocolate stare. They were the perfect couple-even with their daily spats, and everyone envied them.

Megumi knew it.

"_Tori-atama_," she purred, flicking her hair out of her face. "I missed you."

"_Aa_," he replied, placing his arm around her waist. "Me too."

"Some of us are trying to eat," Karou's soft voice had a bit of a strain in it as she sat down next to Kenshin--the only seat left. "Would you two cut it out?"

"Sorry, _Jou-chan_," Sano grinned. "But your sister is just too irresistible."

Misao let out a nervous giggle, avoiding a certain ice blue gaze. "Didn't you just see each other an hour ago?"

Megumi merely shrugged and went back to eating.

Karou forced down a shiver as Kenshin's knee brushed against hers for the fifth time. Is he doing this on purpose, she screamed mentally, and nearly jumped a foot into the air as she found his eyes on hers. "Can I help you, Himura?"

"Do…do I know you from somewhere, perhaps?" he asked, placing his hand atop hers.

"_I-Iie_," she stammered, yanking her hand back and blushing-something that struck Kenshin painfully. "I've never had the privilege of meeting the Battousai before."

_Battousai…_

"_Nani_!" Kenshin sputtered, spraying his orange juice over Aoshi's stoic face.

"_So you are the real Hitokori Battousai," she breathed. His heart fell-she was going to reject him out of disgust. _

_And he had just fallen in love._

"Oh! I'm sorry. It's just something that Enishi said, never mind," Karou smiled at that, turning away.

_Do not let her go this time_. _That is all Sessha… that is all that I want. The only thing I ask for._

_-------------------_

"Shinomori-_san_, do you need…" the boy found a napkin pressed into his hand with a small giggle. "You're…you're soaked!"

His companion's eyes were lit by laughter. He allowed himself to smile just a little bit, but that didn't go unheeded.

"_Aoshi-sama…you smiled…"_

"What did you say?" he demanded, eyes wide. Her laughter stopped harshly.

"I didn't say anything, Shinomori-_san_," she replied. "Maybe you heard someone else?"

Silently, he wiped his face and watched the girl as she stood and smiled at him.

"I just think that I'll go and brush up on some enlightened reading, don't you agree, Kaoru?"

Her sister gave a yelp of pain when she dug her elbow into her side. Dragging a bruised and bewildered Kaoru by the sleeve, Misao waved as she left the cafeteria.

Aoshi felt a deep sense of longing for her smile to warm the room again.

_Please let her wait for me. I need her to wait just a little longer. Just a little longer._

_I have to tell her the truth…_

_-----------------_

"I swear, Karou-chan, this guy is giving me the weirdest feelings ever," Misao confided as the two sat in a secluded corner of the library.

"Its like I've known him forever, and I kind of…Ikindofwanthim," she blushed madly, "but then something's warning me not to get close. And I'm having these delusions, Karou."

Her sister's sharp intake of breath caught Misao off guard. "Delusions? Misao, do you mean like visions? About Shinomori-_san_?"

"Don't laugh, Karou, but I saw myself…" Misao giggled, her voice rising with rising panic, "I saw myself dying."

"How odd," Karou muttered, her eyes troubled when someone kissed her cheek.

"Karou, what's the matter?" Enishi grinned as he slid in next to the shaken girl. "Talking about anything I should know?"

"Enishi," she whispered, an unwelcome fear threatening to overwhelm her as the man snaked an arm around her waist and pressed lips to her neck. She had always felt uneasy around the boy. "Enishi, leave me alone."

"Get your grimy hands off of my sister, you psycho," Misao hissed. "If you know what's good for you."

Enishi just laughed.

"The cute little ninja girl is threatening me?"

"_Iie_," a rough new timbre spat. "It is I who is doing the threatening." Karou looked up to see Kenshin…but something was different.

Instead of his wide violet eyes, his gaze was hard and narrow, an amber gleam startling her.

_This is Battousai_, something inside of her grieved. _He broke you in the end…_

"I must ask you to take your hands off of her," he smiled pleasantly, although his eyes told another story. "Less you find them not attached any longer." Enishi didn't budge and Kenshin's smile vanished. "I hate repeating myself. Remove your hands. Now."

"Battousai, how nice to come across you finally," Enishi chuckled. "Are you jealous that she's not waiting at your side like some pathetic lap dog, no matter how hard you tried to push her away?" He grabbed her arm and yanked her up. "She's mine this time."

Something deep inside Kenshin flared up in response to his taunting, but he fought that down. "Yours? I doubt it very much. Let the girl go, _ne_?"

"Both of you, cut it out," she snapped, pulling her elbow away viciously. "I'm not some damsel in distress here! I don't need your help! And for your information, I'm not either of yours!" She punched Enishi full across the face. Needless to say, he let go of her. Quickly.

"_Oro_?" Kenshin felt his eyes shift back to their violet hue as Enishi scampered off. She spun around, eyes narrowed slightly in confusion and maybe a little bit of fear.

"What did you just say?" she whispered, shaking her head and muttering never mind before he could answer. "I-I thought you said _Oro_."

"_You said Oro!" she laughed, eyes bright. Of course, it was soon followed by a punch…_

"A-Are you all right, Kaoru-_dono_?" he asked, reaching out and touching her shoulder.

She relaxed somewhat under his touch but then…something changed. Kenshin thought he saw her eyes change-becoming older, harder, and sadder than usual.

"_Don't touch me, Kenshin_," she hissed, wrenching away. Misao, who had been silent until now, let out a gasp. Karou's voice was older, filled with pain and…longing? "

_I'm warning you, I don't want anything to do with you this time around. Leave me be."_

"Karou-_chan_?" Misao asked hesitantly as her older sister frowned and touched her temple as if in pain. "Karou-_chan_, are you all right?"

She straightened and gave the bewildered girl a small smile before turning to the baffled boy. "As I was saying-thank you for helping me, Himura, but I can deal with Enishi on my own."

_I don't need you anymore._

--

"Hajime-_san_," Misao rolled her eyes and turned to the person behind her.

"You know, Aoshi, I DO have a first name. You sound so stuffy when you call me that."

His lips nearly twitched into a smile. "Sorry, but I was wondering if you had seen Kenshin around?"

_Boy have I ever seen him_, Misao thought, stifling a grin. Her sister and she were due for a long overdue talk…something about that redhead affected Karou in a way no one else had ever done before.

An exasperated call jolted her out of her thoughts, "Hm?"

"_Still as absent minded as ever, I see, Misao-chan_," Aoshi said, frowning as soon as the words left his mouth. /What?/

"What are you talking about?" she laughed uneasily. What was all of this déjà vu junk? It was as if people were stuck in the past or something.

The clock rang and Misao all but leapt up, gathering her books and trying to get as far away from this man as she could. Something in her screamed for her to move faster.

"Misao, if you're looking for a ride with your sister, I'm afraid that she's…being otherwise entertained." Misao groaned and her shoulders slumped. Stupid _tori-atama._

"Uh, well, thanks!" she called over her shoulder, smiling albeit nervously at the iceman.

He didn't smile back.

_He hasn't changed at all, even though in this new life his past is different_…._ Maybe that's another reason why we were never meant to be._

She dropped her books in shock and covered her ears with her hands. What was happening to her? What was this! Someone was by her side in an instant, bending down to cup her chin gently, forcing her to look up in his eyes.

She wrenched away as something inside her recoiled.

_Don't you dare fall. He'll never catch you._

_----------------------_

_Would you still love me if you knew what unhappiness I would bring?_

_Would I have had a choice?_

Author's note: Sorry about this! I did not realize that this chapter had gotten deleted by accident…


	4. Broken

_Don't you dare fall. He'll never catch you._

-----------

"Misao, are you all right?" Aoshi asked in concern, frowning as he watched her blue green eyes clouded with confusion. "Misao?"

He was hit with a wave of nausea, staggering him nearly to the point of stumbling. When it passed, his lips were moving and words were being said in his own voice, but he was not doing anything.

/What the hell? /

"_Misao, don't you see? You and I weren't able to be together in our past life, but we've been given a second chance! You and I, we can still be together…"_

"What are you talking about, Aoshi?" he heard her voice-so far away.

"_Misao, I know that the past you is in there. Just give me another chance."_

/To what?/ Aoshi snapped silently in bewilderment. He longed to shake whatever was talking through him out. /Give ANOTHER chance? Past lives?/

"Aoshi, I think you might need to see the…"

Misao faltered and it seemed as if her eyes had deepened in color.

"_You fool. Did you actually think I would let you worm your way back into my heart in this life just because you feel like it? Another chance? Why didn't you take your chance the first time I offered my heart and soul to you, tell me that, Okashira-san! Did it ever occur to you that Karou and I have been given a second chance to live without you and Himura? Or were you too selfish to even consider the aspect that maybe we wouldn't be the simpering idiots we used to be."_

Sharp pain pricked his heart. Aoshi stood, still shocked to find it torn in half.

"_You make me laugh, Aoshi-sama,"_ she spat, and she turned on her heel to stalk away. Pausing at the door she turned and whispered, _"There was a time when I would do anything for you, do you remember? You rejected me when I needed you the most. I died alone, and it was your fault. …It was my fault for letting myself fall in love with a block of ice like you. I'm warning you, Aoshi-sama, stay away. You've done enough."_

"_Misao-chan…"_ Aoshi again felt the urge to cry out and nearly screamed in confusion. What was going on? "_Misao, I made a mistake! I made a mistake! I love you_!"

The girl's body froze, and her puzzled aqua eyes regarded him with a bit of interest mixed with confusion and amusement. "Aoshi? Are you all right? I think you should go to the nurse, you were scaring me pretty badly," she giggled. "All this talk about déjà vu is kind of unsettling."

"_Misao, you…you didn't hear what I said?"_ He crumbled as she gave him a strange look.

_Misao…I know you can hear me, and I know that you hate me…but I'll wait for you._

_I'll wait for you, Aoshi-sama! Until the end of time Misao-chan will wait for you!_

_-----------------------_

"Himura-san, is there something wrong?" Karou asked, mentally reminding herself to yell at Megumi later. Stupid fox of a sister! Always making out with her boyfriend. Of course that left her alone, naturally vulnerable to passerby. But did it have to be him? "You look preoccupied."

"Karou, what were you saying in the library?" he asked tentatively. "I could have sworn…"

"I keep telling you, Himura, I can take care of Enishi," she cut in, annoyed. "I don't need you trying to be a hero or something to defend my honor, because I can take care of myself."

"No, no, that's not it," he protested, waving his hands. "But I…I thought you said something about not wanting to deal with me this time around?"

A puzzled expression shadowed her features, and she twisted a lock of hair nervously, causing a desire in him that scared him. Why was he feeling this way about a girl he had barely knew?

Something inside mourned she didn't love him as he had hoped.

"Karou," Enishi's voice interrupted them, irate and solemn. "We need to talk."

Kenshin's eyes narrowed at the newcomer, something deep within him sparking a light of anger towards the sunglass wearing white haired maniac…_Oro_? Where did maniac come from?

"I'd rather not talk with you right now, Enishi," Kaoru replied, turning and gathering her books. "I need to go and find my sister. Maybe later?"

He seized her hand tightly, and she stiffened.

"_Kenshin," she whispered, drawing the tanto and gazing at the cool steel. "Why?"_

_She was about to put it away when, without warning, it was buried in her chest. Gasping, she looked up to find her murderer. He watched her almost sadly as she fell to the floor._

"_Karou…I did this for you. I did this for us."_

_Yes, in a safe place, where there are no knifes around, you poor, sick, delusional murderer. _

Kaoru pulled away and practically slammed her books into her bag as a soft voice narrated memories she never seen before. Memories of a knife being thrust into her chest as cool turquoise eyes sadly viewed her from behind yellow tinted frames.

/What the hell is the matter with me? /

"No, Kaoru," he insisted. "I want to talk to you NOW."'

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm a busy girl," she muttered as she pushed him away. "Take a number."

"Kaoru, I don't like to be ignored."

She stiffened, faltering in her movements at his words. They were so hauntingly familiar.

"_Get your filthy hands off of my Kaoru now_," Battousai growled, his golden eyes flashing.

"Your Kaoru?" Enishi snickered in amusement as Kaoru voiced her opinions on being called 'his' angrily. "Please, Battousai. I've worked too hard for this girl to give her up to you again."

Kenshin sneered and moved protectively in front of her. "_She's still mine, Enishi. Does that hurt you? That even in this life, she cannot stand the sight of you_?"

"Ooookay," she drew out a long breath of confusion, moving stubbornly out of Kenshin's protection. "Well, hate to break up this little cat fight of yours, so… I won't. See you two later."

Enishi grabbed her elbow harshly as she moved past him and yanked her into his arms, to her protests and Battousai's rage.

"She's mine in this life, Battousai," he snarled. "I have done too much, then and now, to ensure that she would be."

"_And what have you done, Enishi, enlighten me_," Kenshin sneered. "_Short of kidnapping her and trying to scare her into leaving me so you could keep her as a little doll on that island of yours? Pray tell, what have you done that makes you deserve her more than I?"_

"I tell her that I love her, for one," Enishi said bitterly, delighting in Battousai's wince. "Does that upset you, Battousai? Does it hurt that she died slowly hating you as the blood seeped out from the wound of the blade, the weapon of your choice? Does it kill you that she died alone? In the end, she was just another victim, fallen by your hands."

"Umm…" Kaoru tried her best to get out of his iron grip, but only succeeded in having him nearly tear her sleeve off. "I am on the brink of being really scared, so…if you don't mind?"

"_How would you know that,"_ Kenshin whispered, golden eyes filled with pain. Even Enishi's eyes widened with the low, feral intensity of his snarl. "_I asked you how you knew that she died hating me…and alone? How do you know how she died; died from a knife wound?"_

"How do you think she died, Battousai," he smirked, collecting himself. "Suicide? Of course, you never knew Kaoru, not as well as I did. You never loved Kaoru, not as much as I did. I was willing to do anything to have her. And I did what had to be done."

_No. No. No._

"_You…you…murdered Kaoru?"_ Battousai seethed, golden eyes flamed.

Kaoru felt as if she were falling infinitely while still being kept in Enishi's arms. What they were saying was gibberish-completely impossible…but something inside agreed with everything they said.

_Stay away from the both of them. Run now, now while you have the chance! RUN!_

But she couldn't will her feet to move.

------------------

Kenshin could feel this…this…thing in his body practically burst with an inferno of fury.

/Murder? What the hell is going on here? Why can't I move my own body!/

"_You…bastard,"_ he found himself growling. "_How dare you even claim that you love her_."

"And what do you know, Battousai!" Enishi screeched, finally losing all composure. With his white hair stuck up in every direction and his turquoise eyes lit with some unknown desperation, he truly looked like a demon. "What do you know about love, Battousai? I loved her, damn it! I love her more than anything, and definitely more than you ever could!"

Kenshin realized why the desperation the same instant that…whatever what in his body did.

_My God, he's trying to justify the murder to himself based on his so-called love for her_…

Kaoru gave a little moan, and Kenshin saw her fall to her knees, her elbow still gripped in Enishi's white knuckled hands. Her healthy tan was gone, replaced by a white as paper look that made her large eyes impossibly enormous in her face.

_And he was hit by a vision stronger than any other he had ever had before._


	5. Past

_And he was hit by a vision stronger than any other he had ever had before._

_------------_

_If I left, would you wait for me?_

----------

"_Kaoru?" he asked tentatively, rapping at her shoji door. Since their little spat the night before, he was unable to sleep, opting to rise before dawn in order to make breakfast-all her favorites._

_He rubbed at the back of his neck, wishing for a brief moment that he could not sense things. That the chill at the base of his spine would just go away. _

_He needed the warmth of her smile. That is, if she ever gave it to him again..._

_Kenshin shook his head to dispell that thought. Things would be all right, he assured himself._

_If only she would get out of her room… _

"_Kaoru, wake up. It's time for breakfast. Sessha made all of your favorites, de gozzaru." He sulked when he received no answer. She was still mad. "Kaoru, Sessha is coming in, okay? Don't hurt Sessha…" he drew a deep breath and softly added a 'please' as he opened the door._

_The room was bare, the futon and blankets folded up against the corner…but where was Kaoru? Kenshin wrinkled his nose. Something smelled familiar, but he couldn't put his finger on what scent it was. He knew that it didn't belong in her room, though…_

"_Kenshin?" a young voice called from the kitchen. Yahiko. "What's taking you so long?"_

"_J-just a second, de gozzaru," he called over his shoulder, hissing when his stocking feet stepped in something…wet? All too clearly and all too sharp, the smell came back to taunt him. _

_The metallic taste of blood in the air._

_Gods, no…Kenshin looked down, slowly, and fought down the urge to gag at the pool of red liquid at his feet. Frantically, he followed the trail that led to the pool, not registering the odd way that the blood was smeared, and with shaking hands pulled the neatly folded mattress out of the corner. It popped open._

_And he screamed. And he screamed. And he screamed._

_He screamed for her sake, her cold blue eyes impossibly sad; blood soaking the clean, white futon and her pale yellow sleeping yukata from the tanto knife in her heart. He shrieked for her sake as he fell to his knees, reaching out to shakily stroke her cold skin, her bloodied hair. He sobbed for her sake as he viewed her face, completely untouched save for a few tear streaks until now, when his own filthy hands left streaks of blood on pale skin. He wept for the memory of her lively eyes; her rosy face; her smile that seemed to make everything all right. Smile for me…_

_But most of all, he screamed and wept and raged for himself, as the boy and the street fighter came to see what was wrong and collapsed on the floor with two thuds. Most of all, he wept for himself while her blue eyes, the eyes that he loved so much, glared at him in silent accusation. _

_"Kaoru, I lied, I love you, I love you, I love you," he wept, struggling as Sanosuke and Yahiko vainly tried to pull him away, their tears falling to the floor. "Forgive me! Please, koishi, won't you smile for me…?"_

_Won't you smile for me?_

------------

He recoiled in shock as his body reacted, grabbing Enishi by the throat and slamming the taller boy into the wall with enough force to send shock waves up his arm.

"_I want you away from Kaoru, Enishi,_" he growled. "_If I see you touch her, talk to her, breathe the same air as her, you're a dead man."_

"I'm surprised that you're this affected. A guilty conscience, Battousai?"

"_Shut up! That was your fault, Enishi. You destroyed my life that night, took my soul. And now I'm going to show you how it feels."_

"Brave words for a murderer."

Kaoru grabbed Kenshin's arm and tugged uselessly. "Kenshin, stop it!"

Hurt swirled in amber depths. "_You'd protect him, Kaoru? You'd protect your murderer over me?_" Her grip tightened before she let go, slowly backing away as something in her eyes changed. Grief swirled in the dark blue depths, turning them into a shade of silver.

"_My murderer, Kenshin? I died alone that night,_" not caring about his wince of pain, her voice never faltered as she continued. "_I wasted five years of my life waiting for you, and you still let me die alone. You're no better than Enishi- you might as well have had held the knife. You say you couldn't love me in order to protect me? Liar."_

When he stiffened, she turned. And ran.

_Liar. You liar._

"_Karou…" he whispered, violet eyes filled with grief as her shoji slammed shut. "I'm so sorry." In the end, his mind had won with the simple argument. Save her. He had to save her._

_I did not know, _he grieved_, Gods, forgive me, I did not know. _

Himura Kenshin fell to his knees and covered his face with his hands.

----------------------

Megumi Hajime figured contently that she could stay in this position forever.

Sighing a little, she wrapped smooth, milkmaid arms around her boyfriend's neck and held him a little closer. A sleepy smile stretched her lips when she felt his mouth graze her forehead, and she lifted her face for a more satisfactory response.

_Wham_

Jerking back as the car door slammed open, Megumi could only groan in annoyance as she saw her younger sister's agitated eyes. Sano let loose some choice words in retaliation, half-heartedly reaching to pull the car door shut once more.

Megumi's hand stopped him. She gazed at the younger girl's eyes and bit her lip. This looked serious. "Sano, I'm going to take Misao and Kaoru home. I'll call you tonight."

Sano grunted in compliance and slid out, pausing to place a chaste kiss on Kaoru's forehead and to give a more thorough one to Megumi. Megumi smiled fondly, resting her fingers on her still tingling mouth before turning to Kaoru.

It must be serious. The girl hadn't even rolled her eyes when Sanosuke had said goodbye.

"Kaoru-chan, what's the matter?"

She only shook her head and sank into the car seat, fumbling for the seat belt and buckling it with shaking hands. Her eyes were wide and frightened her breathing fast and labored. Megumi stared at her in astonishment.

"Kaoru-_chan_…"

The car door slammed open once more, startling the teenager out of her concerned thoughts.

"Megumi!"

Megumi felt her frown increase in intensity. There was a foreign note of panic in Misao's voice._ What on Earth was going on?_

_Sometimes it is better to forget the past..._

_But promise me, promise me. Promise me that you will never forget me. _


	6. Loneliness

_If you leave me, can I survive?_

0000000000000000

Tokio Hajime figured that she had to have a patient side to her. Raising three teenage daughters certainly granted her a lot of will power. But, she mused as she crushed another cigarette packet in her dainty hand, a woman could only be pushed so far.

"When that chimney stack of a husband comes home, he had better not be too relaxed," she vowed, dumping the three illegal items in the trash. Brushing the hair out of her dark eyes, she straightened and smiled softly. She liked coming home early. It meant that she was greeted with something that was often sorely missing. Silence.

As she closed her eyes and prepared to lay down with a good book, the front door slammed shut, startling her enough to bobble her glass of water.

Damn.

Her patient side stepped in as she viewed her three daughters running up the stairs, Megumi arguing loudly with her younger sisters. A slim eyebrow rose in question. She happened to know that each one of them had a sport or club after school today. The other brow rose to join its mate and her head warned of a slight ache, as her daughters' voices got louder with their agitation.

"Stop."

Kaoru, Megumi and Misao all froze comically on the steps. Their mother's soft voice had always had that effect.

"Turn."

All three girls turned slowly, each face holding a sheepish expression.

"Explain."

Her slight headache throbbed as three loud, energetic voices gave her three different answers.

"Mom, I had to drive them home…"

"Mama, the library, this guy…"

"Momma, the… this senior…Megumi was…"

"Misao, shut up!"

"You shut up! This was all your fault in the first place, Megumi!"

"HOLD IT!"

All voices stopped. She wasn't called "the one who tamed the wolf" for nothing. Her eyes narrowed, making her pretty face menacing. "Misao, what do you mean a senior? Kaoru, what guy? And Megumi, I assume that you were kissing Sanosuke, so I'll talk about that later."

Ignoring her oldest daughter's sputter of indignation, Tokio focused more on her younger daughters, and decided that she did not like what she saw.

"You two look as if you have seen ghosts," she said thoughtfully, a thought trying to form in her mind. Brushing that idea aside, she placed a pale hand on their brows, frowning slightly as she gauged the temperature.

"Off to bed, the both of you," she ordered. Silencing any protests with a long, silent stare, she watched as her younger daughters retreated to their rooms. She did not even have to turn to know that Megumi had fled, not wanting the parental PDA speech any more than her mother.

Still… Tokio was a mother, no matter how young people said she looked. And as a mother, she knew that she had to protect her daughters from anything. /Or anyone, for that matter. /

She tried not to think of such a possibility. /It couldn't be…could it/ She shook her head to clear her thoughts.

/It couldn't. Fate would not be so cruel as to set them as soul mates again. /

Sighing, she turned. Stopped and looked at her feet. A pack of cigarettes lay cornered, half concealed by the chair's dress. As a murderous expression crossed her classic features, Tokio Hajime dropped to her knees to lift the skirt and peer underneath.

Oh ho, she mused, a feral smile resting on her lips.

The so called "wolf of Mibu" had a lot of explaining to do to his loving wife, as to why the hell there were about fifty cartons of cigarettes underneath her reading chair.

_00000000000000000000000_

Kaoru listened to Misao's light breathing in the darkness. They had long outgrown sharing the bed for fear of monsters, but for some reason Kaoru felt like she needed her younger sister's presence. Nightmares that had plagued her since childhood seemed even more dangerous, more valid than before.

_You cannot run from me. You cannot keep denying me, Kaoru._

Shivering despite the warmth of her blanket, she shut her eyes and focused on her sister's snoring. Voices that she had chalked up to imagination now seemed too real for her liking. Childish fears did not seem so childish in her eyes.

She pulled the blankets tighter under her chin and took whatever comfort she could from her sister's company.

And she prayed for morning to come.

_000000000000000000000000_

The night's shadows were beginning to fade into dawn's feeble light as he watched the world move around him. His long fingers wrapped, testing, around the hilt of a large blade. In his other hand was a flower. He brought it to his nose and inhaled delicately. Jasmine.

The breaths spilling from his lips grew more irregular, panting as his knuckles turned white on the sword. Instead of alarm crossing his face, his features were calm. He caressed his cheek with the blossom. And remembered.

"_You cannot hope to keep me here forever, Enishi."_

"_Of course not. I only plan to keep you long enough."_

"_And then you will kill me, I suppose."_

_Surprised by her calmness, he turned, forgetting about the sharp edge he was currently polishing. Hissing more in annoyance than in pain, his gaze snapped to the well of crimson blossoming across his palm. Some good distraction would do him when he fought the…_

_A noise captured his attention. She was ripping her kimono. It was her favorite-the one with a jasmine print. While he stood, shell-shocked, she was wrapping it firmly and efficiently around his hand. For a little while, he stared, transfixed._

"_What are you doing," he finally snapped at her, her kindness shocking him. "It's just a scratch."_

_She looked into his eyes and smiled softly. Sadly._

_She looked like Tomoe._

"_You do not always have to be alone, Enishi." _

_She bent her head to tend to his wound. If she had chosen to look, she would have seen the look of sadness cross his odd turquoise gaze. It was a look that mirrored that of a young boy who's innocence had been taken from him much too soon._

Tears came to his eyes as the memory slipped away. Like she had slipped out of his life. Running back to Battousai like that monster could love her more than he. His breathing quieted, and he stood as the night was chased away. He blinked his tears back. He had fixed that, hadn't he? Now she was his, and no one, not even she could do anything to change that.

He crossed the sparsely furnished room to the mirror above his dresser. Studying his features in the unforgiving reflection, he saw with a dull horror that it looked as if a young, lost boy whom he had tried so hard to kill was looking back at him with his own old eyes.

"Am I alone?" he asked the silence. "Am I alone?"

_You do not always have to be, Enishi. _

He turned away from the glass, a mangled white blossom falling to the floor.

_Will you always be with me then, Kaoru? Will you keep me from being alone?_

She had smiled at him sadly, reached out a hand. _And the next moment, she was gone._

"_You do not always have to be alone, Enishi."_

And somewhere else, a slight form shuddered slightly in her sleep as the rays of dawn fought the never-ending night away.

000000000000000000000

_Will I always be alone? _

_Not always. I will be there, Kaoru-dono. _

_I will be there, Kaoru. _


	7. Dream

_Will I always be alone? _

_Not always. I will be there, Kaoru-dono. _

_I will be there, Kaoru. _

_But no one really ever was._

_No one ever likes nightmares__…they remind you too much of what you wish would never happen- or what you wish never did. _

Kaoru lurched up, gasping, clutching at her chest with wild eyes as her dream threatened to become a reality. Her sister slept on beside her, blissfully unaware. 

"Kami," she breathed, brushed her hair out of her eyes. Fighting to control her heartbeat, she resisted the urge to turn on the bedside lamp, knowing that it would wake Misao. 

"Kaoru- _chan_?" 

Sucking in her breath harshly, the dark haired girl turned to see her father standing in the doorway, worry in his golden gaze. Knowing that worry was something Hajime Saitou rarely showed made the situation seem so much more urgent. 

Not trusting her voice, she worked to clear the unshed tears desperately. She forced a smile. "_Hai_, Daddy?" 

He came by the bed and brushed a rare gentle hand over her locks. "Come, _tanuki-chan_, let's get something to drink."

Hajime Saitou had no idea what to say to females. For the reputed Wolf of Mibu, women might as well be an entirely different species. 

But this was his daughter. His baby. And whatever problem or whatever person was bothering her, he would solve. 

Or kill it, either one.

Listening to the still silence as he filled a cup from the pot, he struggled for words. Kami knew that whatever Hajime Saitou was famous for- it certainly wasn't his eloquence. 

She cupped her hands around the hot glass as he handed to her, breathing in the steam. For a few moments they did not speak, the only sound being the quiet 'ting' of her spoon hitting the sides of the cup. 

He did not like this silence. "Kaoru-chan, what's troubling you?"

Startled, she looked up. "Papa?"

He smirked as he reached into his robe's pocket. "What? Can't a father be concerned about his daughter? Besides, your mother is…er…shall we say a little upset with me at the moment. I heard you wake from the couch."

She looked on with amusement as her father looked guiltily around before placing a thin cigarette between his teeth and lighting it with skill that could only come from experience. 

Catching her grin, he scowled lightly before lapsing into silence once more. 

"Bad dream?"

The light mood was ruined. 

Shaking her head slightly, she looked away, her eyes unseeing. "The worst."

"Uh…do you…want to…" Saitou nearly scowled again, stopped himself in time. He figured that he would have to sit down for this. "Want to…talk about it?" 

Tokio would have laughed out loud at the miserable expression on her husband's face. 

Kaoru did not notice. She continued to stare at something slightly out of reach. 

"Papa, do you believe in…past lives?"

His face didn't change, but his shoulders stiffened. "What makes you ask?"

Her laugh sounded forced even to her ears, and she gave up. "Just…something that came up, I suppose." 

"It sounds serious, _tanuki_."

She shrugged and continued to stir her cooling tea. "Just a bad dream, Papa. Nothing to worry about" Standing, she brushed a light kiss over his brow and smiled softly. 

"Besides, there is not such thing as past lives or voices from the past, ne?"

He kept his sardonic smile as he squeezed her hand. "Aa, _hime-chan_. Who believes in such nonsense?"

He watched his middle daughter leave the room, a thoughtful frown apparent on his face. 

"Who indeed?" he murmured to himself, breathing in the tangy smoke.

_He smirked at the pathetic figure, though not without sympathy. The legendary manslayer of the Bakamatsu, the hitokori with the speed of the gods, sat with his head bowed, his blood red bangs hiding his face. _

_The body of the girl Battousai loved was being taken off of the floor. Unfortunately, he mused, this time it wasn't one of Yukishiro's goons' doing. _

_Saitou showed a rare grimace at the sight of the girl's body. A pity. _

_This time there would be no coming back. _

_For the Battousai as well? He turned back to see him, but the once imposing figure had failed to move one inch form his spot in the room's corner. _

_Clearing his throat, he made his way past the other officers to the former hitokori. _

_"Battousai."_

_"Leave me be."_

_The officer raised an eyebrow thoughtfully. No polite de gozzaru? "Battousai."_

_"I said leave me be."_

_"You're pathetic."_

_He saw the redhead stiffen, but he continued softly, knowing that his words had hit a tender wound. "You were a fool to think that you could have waited forever to tell her. Even more so to think that you would be able to protect her from afar." _

_Battousai looked up, and even the jaded officer had to stop himself form taking a step back._

_There was no one emotion in his erratic gaze. Pain and sorrow warred with anger and self-disgust, the anguished violet fighting with the passionate amber.   
Battousai looked he were going to be torn apart. _

_"Leave me BE."_

_Knowing when a man was hurting, the Wolf of Mibu backed away for once in his life. As he turned, he looked back, battling with himself._

_"Oi…In the next life, Battousai, if there is one…perhaps then you will find happiness. And learn from your mistakes."_

"Now, that's something I haven't thought about in a long time." 

He stubbed out his cigarette, not without regret, and opened the window briefly as he buried the evidence in the trash. Damned woman had a nose like a bloodhound. 

He walked to the door, planning on sneaking into the bedroom to reclaim his side of the bed. Pausing at the switch, he turned to look at something that wasn't there.

"Have you learned from your mistakes, Battousai?" he asked the silent kitchen. 

He turned the light off, bathing the room in darkness.

_Have you, hitokori? This time around…this time around you might not get another chance._

_If I fail you, would you trust me again?_

_Would you trust me again…Kaoru…with your heart?_

(Okay, I finally got the italics to work, but now the bold isn't working. So from now on, past lives are going to be underlined. I'm really sorry for the confusion, but my computer is weird...)


	8. Fear

_Love waits. But it isn't always wise to test its patience._

"The topic for today, class, is reincarnation."

Kaoru was too out of it to care that the teacher was even there, never mind lecturing. After a night of tossing and turning, plagued with dreams of blinding pain and death, she had better things to do than ponder the possibilities of a life after this one.

"The most common belief when pertaining to the question of reincarnation is that–"

Kaoru guiltily tuned the professor out once more, cupping her pale chin in her palm. It wasn't that the dreams were just regular nightmares that kept you up after a night of horror movies, she mused thoughtfully. They weren't the result of eating cold pizza and warm soda before going to bed either. It was almost like...she shuddered subconsciously. It was almost like they were memories of some sort.

"–in other words, class, the belief is that the soul is reborn to a new body in a different time in order to redo previous mistakes. Think of it as a second chance...a redemption of some sort."

_Not only memories, child...but warnings._ _Being foolish once is expected. Being foolish twice is not allowed. _

She gave a small shriek, bolting upright and pressing her hands against her ears to block out the voice.

"Hajime-san?"

Flushing a bright red at the baffled looks of teacher and classmate, she quickly made up an excuse to go to the nurse. Bowing several times to hide her mortification, she backed out into the hall, and into a certain red head who was returning from the bathroom. Their eyes met, and she could feel the jolt.

"_I carry this sword with me, Kaoru-dono, to remind me of my sins." His eyes were so serious. So sad. "I use it as a tool to work towards my redemption."_

A fire blazed in blue depths, quickly banked. "Stay away from me," she hissed desperately. "Just stay away." And she was gone.

Kenshin stared after her, a broken look on his face.

_"...my redemption." _

_"What are you afraid of, Kaoru?"_

_ She laughed, swinging her long legs from her perch on the tree limb. "I have no fears."_

_He smiled and wondered why his heart didn't just burst from loving her. "As you should."_

_ Leaping gracefully from her seat, Kaoru's voice grew quiet and solemn. "If I fear anything, it is that I would die alone. That I could never bear."_

_ He turned away, scalded by the vulnerable look in her eyes. "Aa."_

_The next morning, she was dead._

Kenshin grew pale, leaning drunkenly against the school's wall for balance as his knees weakened. His eyes were bright and wet.

"I'm sorry, Kaoru-dono."

_I'm so sorry. _

_ooooooooo_

"Megumi- _dono_, may I have a word, please?" Kenshin bowed formally and sent her a small smile.

She studied him from underneath her tinted shades. She hadn't missed the way this slight man affected her sister. _"Hai? _What is it?" she replied warily.

"Well, you see..." the redhead gulped, suddenly nervous. "It's just that..."

"_Baka_." Sanosuke rapped his friend gently on the head. "_Kitskune_, Kenshin has the hots for your sister."

"Sanosuke!" Kenshin hissed, mortified.

Megumi continued to study Kenshin, but her eyes had darkened. "Kaoru, is it?"

The redhead failed to answer, finding something interesting on the grass beneath his feet. The girl rolled her eyes. __

_ Would he never have the guts to say his feelings? _

She frowned, wondering where that thought had come from. The feel of Sanosuke's hand on her shoulder brought her comfort. __

"Maybe....Maybe I could come over sometime?"

She arched a slim eyebrow. "And why would you need to do that, Himura- _san_."

_Just to see her, be near her. Breathe the same air as her. "_Just to, uhm, you know...homework," he finished lamely.

She shrugged, and scribbled down her address and her sister's cell phone number. Ripping the notebook paper out, she stuffed into the older boy's hand.

"You take care, Himura-_san_. No one messes with my sister and survives. Understood?"

"_A-Aa_."__

_ "_Good." She sniffed, flung her hair over her shoulder, watched him walk away. And struggled with guilt. Damned if she didn't feel a bit sorry for the poor guy with unusual eyes. __

_ "_Kenshin!"

He turned. Looked at her. She was hit with a wave of pity that astounded her. She groped blindly for Sanosuke's hand, finding the strength to smile a bit as the tall boy brought it to his lips. __

_ "_Be careful, _ne?"_

_No sense in repeating the past. _

_ooooooooo___

"Kaoru- _chan_!" Misao tugged at her sister's sleeve, breathless. "I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Mmm?" she spared a glance at her younger sister's face and put down her pen. "What is it. Mi?"

"Nothing really," she giggled, plopping down across from Kaoru on the bench. "I just couldn't find Megumi. She left her math book on the kitchen table again."

The older Hajime rolled her eyes. "She always does. Did you find her?"

"Uh-huh." Misao reached across the table and grabbed a french fry off of Kaoru's plate. "She was talking to Sano's friend. Kenshin."

She pretended not to notice the way her sister stiffened and grew pale. __

_"I loved him once, Kaoru," she smiled. Now, alone, she dropped the act and rested a tender hand on the younger girl's shoulder. "__Or at least I think I did. But now I know better."_

_ "Know better?"_

_ "You foolish girl," she laughed. "Its amazing to know you still get jealous, when you should know better. But know this. I've given my heart to another."_

_ "Sanosuke is a very lucky man, Megumi."_

_ The older woman blushed a pretty red before gripping Kaoru's chin and forcing her to look into sympathetic cinnamon eyes. _

_ "Wait for him, Kaoru. Love waits."_

"Kaoru?"

She blinked, shaking off a daydream. "Oh...She was?"she worked to keep her tone light and nonchalant. "About what?"

_You._ "Oh, nothing."Misao fought off the wave of guilt she left lying to her sister. He had only been asking Megumi for their address, after all. How harmful could that be? "Homework or something."

Kaoru smiled, staring off into the distance. "That's nice, Mi. Come on. You have a free period now, don't you? Let's go and get lunch."

The youngest Hajime grinned. "How can I refuse a free meal?"

The older girl laughed lightly, slipping on sunglasses to shield her eyes from the overly bright sun. "How could you?"

_ooooooooo_

Pulling out of the parking lot, Kaoru fought off a brief shudder. _Was someone watching her?_ Nodding absently at her younger sister's gossip, she searched her surroundings. Finding nothing, she shrugged and glanced at the rearview mirror. And screamed.

"Kaoru!" Misao stopped her description of the latest couple caught making out in the janitor's closet. "Kaoru, what's the matter? Kaoru!"__

Tears slipped out of the older girl's frightened eyes, and her hands were white knuckled on the steering wheel. He was there. She could see him. The arrogant smile on his lips. The cocky stance as he leaned against his car. And he was waiting.

_"Do you think you can escape me!" His eyes were crazed behind the tinted glasses, his hands gentle. She only wept harder. _

_ "Please, please..." She had no idea what to ask for. Mercy? A quick death? Her blood split over the floor, and she watched it with a detached horror. Her strength was fading. And worst of all....worst of all was the overwhelming knowledge that she was helpless. _

_ "I did this for you, Kaoru," he continued, stroking her hair. Blood was on his skin, his clothes. Her blood. The room was growing dim, but she refused to whimper. She wouldn't give him the satisfaction. _

_ But his hand tightened viscously on her hair and she couldn't help a small sob at the stab of pain. _

_"This is the only way," he continued. "This is the only way. No Battousai to take you from me. This way you're mine."_

_ Her breaths were slowing, and she barely felt the pain when he lay a loving hand on the dagger's hilt and drove it through. _

_ "You can never escape me, Kaoru. I love you. I'll wait for you. Love waits."_

_And she saw nothing. _

He held up a single jasmine blossom, touched it to his lips. And smiled.

_"If you could run away, would you? Would you run away from me?"_

_ "Would you let me?"_

"_I would, if that would make you happy."_

_ "Then I wouldn't."_


	9. Storm

Okay...

_/thoughts/_

_ memories_

_ past lives _I think you can make the distinction between the two, lol

Enjoy ☺

0000000000

_"Love may wait. Love may be patient. But how weary I grow, standing still so it can catch up."_

"I just need a pack of tissues," Kenshin recited, staring at his rearview mirror. "I have allergies."

It wasn't his fault that the drugstore just happened to be in the general vicinity of the Hajime home.

"I have allergies," the redhead repeated stubbornly. "It can't be helped."

_/Liar._/

He scowled and thumped his slim hands on the Jeep's steering wheel. As if it had a life of their own, the car turned down Aoiya Lane. He gulped as the Hajime estate loomed before him.

It seemed that his allergies would just have to wait.

The doorbell rang and Kaoru jolted, her knee hitting the leg of her desk and toppling a book to the floor. Her mood had not improved since spotting Yukishiro in the parking lot after school, and a throbbing knee did little to soothe her temper. Muttering darkly, she stalked over to the hallway and jerked open the door.

"WHAT!" she snapped. Her eyes widened.

Kenshin lifted a meek hand to wave hesitantly. "H-Hello, Kaoru-_ dono_."

Before the sentence was completed she had slammed the door in his face. __

He sighed.

/_"Well, that went well."__/_

She leaned against the closed door and let loose a muffled scream of rage. My God, would he not leave her alone?

"Who was that?" Kaoru straightened at her mother's voice.

"No one," she scowled, stomping off. "ABSOLUTELY NO ONE!"

"I see." Tokio whistled through her teeth as she watched her daughter stalk off. Raising a slim eyebrow, she crossed to open the door to see who the no one was. Her eyes, so different from her daughter's startling blue, narrowed.

Kenshin paused, his hand raised and poised to knock. He smiled awkwardly.

She slammed the door with enough force to have the glass shaking. Turning, she stalked off towards the kitchen. Her food was probably burning.

Kenshin stood, shell shocked at the front door. He blew out a testing breath, raised a hand to his nose to test if it was still there.

Luck, it seemed, was not looking down on him with a smile today.

0000000000

Misao wisely made an excuse to get out of the house, knowing the signs of her older sister's warpath. And it seemed a shame to spend a sunny day like this inside with homework, she mused. Closing her eyes to savor the warmth on her face, she shrieked in surprise as she collided with a brick wall. A very familiar feeling brick wall.

_/oh, no./_

She closed her eyes in mortification. "I'm _so _very sorry..."

"Hajime-_san_." The voice was laced subtly with amusement. "Do you ever watch where you are going?"

She tried to work up a smile. "I try not to."

He simply lifted an eyebrow and watched her with impassive eyes. Her cheeks heated, and she cursed herself and Kaoru's temper.

"Look," she began, the words stumbling in her throat as he continued to stare. "I'm sorry. I said so."

"_Aa."_

Her eyes narrowed. "I apologized. And, it wasn't entirely my fault," she stated, temper rising. "You should have gotten out of my way. This is a public sidewalk, and I can walk and daydream if I want to. You should have been paying attention, not me."

"_Aa."_

"Oh, shut up," she snapped, tossing her braid over her shoulder. Her infamous temper only spiked after he crossed his arms across his broad chest and leaned back against a lamp post as if to enjoy the show. "I don't have the patience to deal with you. So why don't you go and...just go," she finished in a huff.

_"Just go, Misao."_

_ She looked at him, wounded. His back was so stiff, his words so pained. He looked as if he were about to break in half. Her hands, flexed -once, twice- on her lap before she rose. _

_There was nothing she could do. Nothing, she knew, that he would let her do. _

_"I...I'll be in my room. If you need me."_

_ He didn't answer, but continued to look out the window at something just beyond his reach. _

_ "I...Aoshi," she whispered. He turned slightly, but his hair hid the ice of his eyes. "I...I love you."_

_For a lifetime his erratic breathing was the only sound in the room. Then he turned away. _

_ Her heart broke. Just shattered into a million pieces. _

_"Just go."_

_ Blindly, she groped for the shoji door, closing it gently behind her. _

_Pausing for a moment to breathe, she smiled painfully._

_ "I love you too, Misao," she pretended before giving a mocking laugh. Hot tears spilled over her cheeks as she gave into her weakness and leaned against his door. "Of course I love you."_

_ She straightened determinedly, furiously brushing away the wetness on her skin. Turning one last time to face the white paper of his door, she murmured what she had come to tell him. _

_ "I'm ill, Aoshi." she nearly choked on the words. "The doctor said that I might be dying. Just thought you would like to know." _

_And she ran away. _

"Hajime-_san_?" __

With a jolt, Misao snapped herself back to reality. Slim hands rose to feel her wet cheeks, and she stared at his mildly concerned face with a pained expression. __

"Misao, what is it?" He lifted a hand to brush away a tear, and she jerked away. Hurt, his hand dropped to his side as he struggled to find something to say.

It gave something inside her a viscous satisfaction, to see him so awkward and unsure.

_Not so calm and in control now, are we, Okashira-san?_

Her cheeks paled even more, and she shook her head briskly. "I-I'm sorry about running into you. Excuse me."

And she ran away.

00000000000

_Great going, idiot._

He watched her flee, his ice eyes pained and pleading._ /For what?/_

_ He heard the sound of her padding out of the room, the sound of the shoji sliding shut with a muffled click. He nearly sighed in relief, but couldn't find even the will to do that. _

_ Her voice floated through the thin paper, but he couldn't make out the words. Curious, he moved closer to what separated them even as he felt her lean against it. _

_ "I'm ill, Aoshi. The doctor said that I might be dying..."_

_His world fell apart. _

_ "Just thought you would like to know."_

_And as she ran, she left a man sitting on the cold floor of his dark room, shell shocked. With a single, bitter tear trailing down his skin. _

_ It always seemed to be the people around him, close to him, who suffered._

Aoshi felt the strength leave his legs, and he sat suddenly on the pavement with unseeing eyes. The sky opened up, and he welcomed the storm. __

0000000000000000

Kenshin scowled at the rapidly darkening clouds, his blood red bangs sticking to his face.

"Today is just not my day," he muttered as he jumped into his jeep and backed up with a restrained violence. The thunder cracked, making him jump.

_/Wait. I'm in the car. Why am I still wet?/_

He groaned out loud, glancing up. He had forgotten to put the top up. What kind of idiot forgot to put the top of his car up in a frickin' thunder storm?

"Christ. This is just not my life." Slamming the car in Park, he stabbed the button and waited impatiently for the stop to slide in place. "First, I have the door slammed in my face by a girl that I'm inexplicably stalking. Then, if that wasn't enough, I end up having her mother slam the same door in the same face." He raised his eyes to the heavens, watching as the black roof slowly blocked him off.

"What else could go wrong?"

"The girl the you are inexplicably stalking's father could come home and find you still in his driveway."

Kenshin nodded, contemplating. "Yeah. That would seriously suck." He turned warily to meet golden, slanted eyes. "Hello."

Saitou smiled from underneath the large black umbrella that he held. It was feral. "Hello."

_/Yep. So not my life./_

_ I miss you. I love you. I would go anywhere, do anything for you. But sometimes it seems as if I've used up all my chances. Made too many mistakes. _

_There is no going back._


	10. Second Chances

_/thoughts/_

_past voices and memories (you should be able to see the difference..._

_oooooooo_

_I miss you. I love you. I would go anywhere, do anything for you. But sometimes it seems as if I've used up all my chances. Made too many mistakes. _

_There is no going back._

__

Saitou's smile didn't dim as he looked at the resigned teen.

"What the hell are you doing in my driveway?" he asked pleasantly. Kenshin seemed to attempt to shrink away. When that failed to occur the redhead offered a small, sheepish smile.

"Homework?"

Saitou raised an eyebrow and drew deeply on a glowing cigarette. "Idiot." He turned away to climb the stairs of his home, calling briefly over his shoulder, "If I were you, Battousai, I would leave and regroup. You do not want to be home when my son comes back. Kaoru happens to be his favorite."

"Stop calling me that. That's not my name." Kenshin gave up and gunned the engine of his car, turning away to spare one last glance at the house. "Could you tell her that I..."

_Love her, would spend the rest of my life doing so if only she'd let me. _

A flash of her pained face flashed in front of his eyes. Stay away from me, she had told him, desperation in her eyes. Just stay away.

_How could I, Kaoru- dono, when everything in me protests at the thought?_

Seeing Saitou's raised eyebrow and skeptical glare, Kenshin banished all unsettling thoughts from his mind.

_So close. You're so close. Why must you turn away from me? What are you afraid of?_

_/Everything./_

"Battousai."

Kenshin snapped out of his daze and glanced up, his eyes somber. "_Hai._"

Saitou sighed in disgust. _/So you're not ready yet, are you? Idiot./_

"Tell her what," the wolf prompted, his eyes uncharacteristically gentle. "Tell Kaoru what?"

"Tell Kaoru...that I said Hello."

Saitou watched from the steps as the Jeep pulled out of his driveway, his face thoughtful. He was still there as a BMW purred to a stop and ejected his son.

His golden gaze warmed to a look few were treated to. "Okita." Embracing the boy with eyes so much like Kaoru's, his smile sharpened as he opened the door. "Come in. Dinner's almost ready."

"Where's Kaoru?" Okita smiled and shouldered his bookbag. "I brought her something from work."

Saitou merely shrugged and called for his wife. Tokio appeared, wiping her hands with a dishrag. Her face brightened upon the sight of her son. Briefly. Then her eyes lit in rage.

"Whoa...mama?" Okita backed up cautiously, raising his hands as to ward off her chill of disapproval. Then he saw it.

His father had placed the cigarette, still glowing, in his hand.

"No! Mama! It isn't what--"

"HAJIME OKITA, HOW DARE YOU BRING THAT FILTHY THING INTO THIS HOUSE--"

Saitou quietly, cleverly made his escape.

_ooooooooooooooooooooo_

Kaoru looked up from her desk startled out of her daydream as her mother's furious voice and her twin brother's panicked one vibrated through the house.

"OKITAAAAAAAAA! COME BACK HERE! I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET!"

Kaoru barely blinked as her brother's disheveled form burst frantically through her bedroom door. Her brow began to twitch, however, as Okita began to shove random large pieces of her furniture in front of the opening.

"Okita-_kun_."

Her dresser joined the pile.

"Okita-_kun._"

Next to go was her bookcase.

"OKITA!"

His grin flashed, highlighting his disarmingly handsome features as he flopped on her bed. "That's Okita _nii-sama _to you, Kaoru."

She swivelled in her chair, a small chuckle escaping. "You're only two minutes older, _nii-chan_. And don't bother worrying. She's going to realize that you aren't old enough to buy cigarettes yet."

As if on cue, their mother erupted on what they suspected was their father. They laughed in unison.

"Where's Meg and Mi?"

Kaoru shrugged absently, inserting the end of her pen between her teeth. "Megumi went to a study group..."

"So she went to Sanosuke's house." The disapproving tone was typical of a brother.

"...And Misao went out for a walk," she slurred. Okita raised an eyebrow, reminding her of their father.

"Mi? Walking? Hope people don't mind getting crashed into."

Insulted for her sister, Kaoru straightened primly. "I seem to recall a certain incident where you knocked a hapless female..."

"Shut up," Okita protested, covering her mouth with a large hand. "Anyways, I brought you something, so be nice to your _nii-san_."

Laughing freely -- Okita had always had the ability to cheer her up– Kaoru accepted the bag and peeked inside.

"I was on my way out when it caught my eye. Startled me, I must admit, but I thought it was pretty cool, ne? Kaoru?" In his ramblings, he had failed to notice that her laughter had stopped abruptly, her face alarmingly white.

"Kaoru?" Okita jumped to take his twin by her shoulders. "Kaoru! What is it?"

It was a picture of her.

"_May...may I...that is to say...may I please paint you? You're perfect..." _

_She was taken aback, but flattered. The man's eyes were so earnest, his face so endearingly bashful. Glancing over her shoulder, her gaze came to rest on her rurouni. His face was so astonished at the man's request that Kaoru could feel tears burn the back of her eyes._

"_Thank you," she managed. "I...I..."_

_Kenshin, she realized, would never be able to see her the way she wanted. _

_She turned away from the rurouni, tears gathering on her lashes. She swore that none would fall until she was alone. She smiled sadly at the artist, who silently promised himself that her face would be his masterpiece. The sorrow that lurked on her features turned them into something that was heartbreakingly beautiful. _

"_You flatter me." _

"Kaoru! Kaoru, answer me," Okita cried. Her breath flew out with a whoosh as she was jerked back to reality. "Kaoru...I knew the postcard was a bad idea..."

She managed a small smile as her mind whirled. But she could never keep anything from the boy who knew her better than she knew herself.

"I...I've been having hallucinations, Okita."

Okita's gaze gave nothing away as he recalled waking up from dreams in a sweat, visions of blood and racking pain running through his mind. "What kind of hallucinations?"

She crossed her legs and twirled absently in her chair, lifting her eyes to the ceiling. "Sad ones."

He raised an eyebrow again, frowning. "Sad ones? Nightmares?"

"No." How could she explain? "Hallucinations. It's me. Or at least I think it's me, she has my name, but they can't be my memories. And the predominant thing is a feeling of sorrow, of despair and hurt." She took a breath, feeling a slight guilt for sharing a sisters' secret with a brother. "Misao's been having them too."

"Mi's been having dreams? Of what?"

Kaoru dropped her pen abruptly, her eyes going bleak. "Death."

_The only thing I fear is that I would die alone._

_I'll protect you, Kaoru-dono. Always._

_But how could you have known that ypu would have to protect me from yourself?_

_oooooooooooooooooooo_

Megumi huffed impatiently and swatted away her boyfriend's hand. "I'm trying to study," she snapped. But she couldn't quite prevent the smile that blossomed when he resumed playing with her hair.

"_Che," _Sano grumbled. "You don't have to fulfill the lie when you come over. Then it isn't a lie anymore."

Megumi scowled lightly. "I feel bad enough lying to my mother as it is." Although the eldest of the Hajime family knew better. Her mother might look like she spent all of her time in a beauty salon, but she had a calculating and clever mind hidden behind those dark eyes. One that rarely missed anything.

Like her eldest daughter.

"You should be trying to study too, Sano. We both have a test tomorrow, in case you've forgotten."

The tall boy groaned, rolling onto his back. "It's on reincarnation, for _kami's _sake. What idiot has a course in philosophy?"

Megumi rolled her eyes. "What idiot would sign up for a course in philosophy?"

"Man, _Kitsune_, you know I only signed up for it because you nagged."

Wanting to prolong another argument, Megumi shrugged delicately before turning back to her book. Squashing the instinct to inform him that she wasn't a nagging person, she began to primly recite from the dusty text.

"Reincarnation is believed by many religions to be the way for a soul that is not at rest to find peace. Like the western belief that ghosts are spiritual beings that cannot move on until their spirit has been appeased, reincarnation is the soul's attempt to achieve contentment by coming back to life. Equipped with another body, the soul has another life to live– and another chance to do things right.

Reincarnation has many variations. The most popular and most romantic is the idea that the soul, when the time is right, will eventually take on the form of the being that it first was. Thus, if the soul first lived in a girl with blue eyes and black hair, then when the time is near for it to be at peace it will be born again into a woman's body with blue eyes and black hair. This is usually believed to be a method if the discontentment or unfinished business is romantic in nature."

"_Che_, _kitsune_, like we're ever going to need this."

Megumi shushed him with a jab in the ribs and continued reading. Her eyes grew wider with each word.

"The most radical idea of reincarnation is possession. That is to say that one's past life– usually the original self– is aware and conscious in one's subconscious. It is simply another romantic idea– the discontent original self is 'helping' the floundering present self. This theory is unpopular, as the main outcome is for the present self to regain memories of its past self or selves, and then proceed to 'join' with the original self, who is finally at peace. Because of its radical nature, most researchers agree that..."

"_Ken-san." She searched for a word, any word to make the intense betrayal she felt fade. "Ken-san."_

_The man continued to sit, large, blank eyes staring at the walls. He didn't move._

"_Ken-san," She bravely fought back tears as chills raced up her spine. It didn't feel right, to be in Kaoru's room without her presence. Yahiko had taken to attacking the floors daily, rubbing until his fingers were raw and his breaths had hitched and unsteadied. His eyes were wet and impossibly young as he sobbed in her arms. _

_The blood would never wash off, he had cried. No matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, the blood was still there. It wasn't fair that all he had left of Kaoru was a smear of blood on her floor. It just wasn't fair._

_She felt her own breathing hitch as her eyes filled. Kaoru was gone. They had cremated her body and flung her ashes to the sea just the other day. And with her went the spirit of all of the dojo's inhabitants. Yahiko cleaned and practiced but barely spoke. Kenshin washed and sat, amethyst eyes dark with misery and Kami knew what else. And Sanosuke..._

"_It doesn't make sense." Sanosuke's eyes were dull as he pleaded with her for answers. "Why? Why, Megumi?" He couldn't bring himself to believe that his little jou-chan had taken her own life._

_Why indeed?_

"_Kenshin."_

_The man stirred, turning dead eyes to her gaze. "Hai, Megumi-dono?"_

"_How could you?" She couldn't stop the words, not even when she saw him flinch. It was as if something was being ripped out of her. Something that had lain dormant, just under the surface. "She loved you so much that it hurt. I thought I was right. I thought that you loved her. Kami, I told her to wait for you." Her sobs grew louder. "How could I have told her to wait for something that wasn't there? I gave her false hope! But I thought...I was so sure..."_

_Her sobs overtook her, shaking her form as she fell to the ground. She didn't have to look up to know that Kenshin had resumed staring at the smooth wood of her walls. _

"_I...thought..." he had to swallow, had to start over. "I thought I could protect her."_

_She hauled herself up, narrowing cinnamon eyes that were bright with tears and anger. She stalked over to the shoji, pausing to fling at him."She never wanted you to protect her, damn you. She just wanted you to care."_

_As the shoji snapped shut, she almost missed his words. But instead of appeasing her, they just succeeded in sharpening the pain in her heart. _

"_I did care. I lied. I'm sorry..." Her heart broke when she heard his sobs. The control the rurouni was famous for had shattered. His husky voice pleaded with someone who wasn't there. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me...please come back...I'll do anything...just please come back. You can't just leave me..."_

_You can't just leave me here alone..._

Megumi could feel Sano's hands on her shoulders, shaking her, calling her name. She forced herself to look into his concerned gaze, formed a shaky smile.

"I don't know, Sanosuke." she murmured, gaze distant. "This reincarnation stuff doesn't seem that farfetched all of a sudden."

_If I lied to you, would you forgive me?_

_oooooooooooooooooo_

Author's Note: Hopefully this will clear up some things for you guys about the past life voices. I know a lot of people have been slightly confused. I think that college touring has affected my writing- the text book part came way too easily, --;

Anyways, the Kenshin-gumi are in college now (which means that Yahiko is in high school...maybe a freshmen?). Gomen, but high school seemed to young for what I'm putting these guys through. And college kids can live at home like Megumi and co. Why live in a dorm or in an appt. when you have a huge house at your disposal?

Anyways, I know that a lot of people are asking for an update on Black Heart. Gomen nasai! bows I'm getting to it, I promise. But the chapters are coming quicker for Forever. You know how it is...inspiration...

Anyways, I had a lot of fun writing this chapter. Felt a few pangs in that last flashback sequence, had a few laughs torturing Okita. (Surprised? I like the twin thing...) Hope that you enjoyed it! I think that Yahiko will soon make an appearance...

Until next time! Ja!


	11. Amber

  


_Past lives live in us, through us. _

_Each of us harbors the spirits of people who_

_walked the earth before we did, and those_

_spirits depends on us for continuing existence, _

_just as we depend on their presence _

_to live our lives to the fullest. _

_-John Edgar Wideman_

Kaoru squinted against the intruding light and groaned as the alarm by her bed continued its shrieking. She briefly wondered if she had enough energy to throw a pillow at the clock as she checked the time.

"Dammit, I still have two hours before my first class."

As if on cue, Misao chose this moment to poke her head into her sister's room. "Get up, Kaoru. Okita's leaving, and Megumi's gone already." she barreled on, anticipating her sister's next question. "Oh, and Okita set your alarm, I think. Something about being sick of waiting for you."

Grumbling darkly about her lack of a car the older girl dragged herself out of bed. Misao decided wisely to refrain from commenting on her sister's shadowed eyes.

/Looks like I'm not the only one with bad dreams.../

Feeling guilty about being happy that her sister was feeling just as bad as she, Misao offered a perky grin. Held it there even as Kaoru's eyes threatened pain.

"Whatever," Kaoru mumbled. "Tell Okita that I'll be right down. Give me five minutes." She opened one bleary eye and risked another look at the clock. "Give me ten minutes."

Misao shrugged and bounded down the stairs, wincing as her sister's agitated voice followed her. "And for the love of God, Misao, WALK!"

Misao took a much needed detour and poured herself a bowl of cereal. Munching on her breakfast, she walked slowly into the hall. /Might as well give Kaoru some more time to get ready/

Okita met her there and raised an eyebrow, juggling the keys in his hand. "Still sleeping?"

Noting that he had been giving her searching looks as of late, the younger girl simply stared at her brother for a bit, not noticing that he had spoken.

"Mi?"

"Oh! Right." Misao nodded and rolled her eyes for emphasis. "She'll be down in a bit, _nii-chan_. She's in a mood."

Okita, having grown up with three sisters, was wise enough to let that statement go unanswered. "Well, she's got fifteen minutes, and then I'm leaving."

"Then it's a good thing that I'm a fast dresser, _ne_?" Kaoru panted as she streaked down the stairs. Their mother's sleepy voice demanded that they lower the noise level or face much pain. Kaoru's face lit up with a smile, as Okita slung her over his shoulders and stalked to the car muttering about sleepy sisters. /God, I love mornings/

And the one who watched her smiled along.

0000000000000000000000

Kaoru pinched herself hard, wincing as the nail nearly broke the flesh. But she knew that if she didn't shape up, she would be in danger of failing her philosophy class. And it didn't help that her teacher had decided to grace her with extra reading assignments. In reincarnation. How bogus was that? What the hell was she doing in a philosophy class?

/ Stupid Megumi and her stupid nagging./

Her dark thoughts were interrupted when the professor cleared her throat. "Hajime."

The class had cleared out. Kaoru started, blinked sheepishly and raised her eyes to the expectant teacher. "_Hai?"_

"I have more reading for you to do. Copy these page numbers down."

Biting her tongue lightly to keep the groan from spilling out, Kaoru dutifully copied the numbers down, promising herself that she would actually try to skim the chapter this time.

It wasn't her fault, really, that she wasn't reading the material that the professor was giving only to her. She had, in fact, picked up the heavy book many a night, with every intention of reading the text.

It was just that something inside her made her close the book and walk away.

_I need no false hope from silly scrolls. I am no longer a girl who sighs at horoscopes._

Kaoru shivered, her eyes troubled as the voice whispered through her mind again.

The professor took off her glasses and rubbed pale fingers over the bridge of her nose. "Kaoru. I know that it might seem a little unfair, giving you so much more reading than your classmates. You must realize, however, that I am your professor. I have my reasons."

"_Hai, sensei." _Kaoru bowed respectfully. /Like causing me to die from sleep deprivation./

"You are dismissed."

She bowed once more, excusing herself as she collected her things.

The professor turned blindly back to her desk, collecting her briefcase and papers, reminding herself to stop by the market and pick up some milk. She smiled. Akira had to have cereal for breakfast.

Still, her hand paused on one particular test paper. _Kamiya...no, Hajime Kaoru. _A bright and beautiful girl with wonderful parents. Even though one of them had to be the most unnerving man she had ever met.

Chuckling while she remembered the last open campus meeting with Hajime Saitou, the professor brushed a hand lovingly over the nameplate that rested proudly on her desk. She made a mental note to have the plate changed. After all, she was now a married woman.

"Tomoe-_san_, your husband's on the line."

She glanced up, smiled at the elderly psychology teacher. "Thank you, _sensei_. I'll take it."

As she reached for the phone, she paused and looked out the window. There she spotted a boy with unusual red hair, sitting dejectedly on a campus bench, watching the girl she had just given about thirty pages of reincarnation research to walk away.

_Oh, Kenshin. I've done all I can.. Its up to you now. _

She turned away pick up the phone and speak with her husband. __

_Don't let it all be for nothing. _

000000000

Kaoru rushed to the campus café, her overburdened book bag thumping painfully against her leg. /Stupid extra reading. Stupid teacher. Stupid fox of a sister who can't remember her own stupid books to save her stupid life./

Needless to say, when an unsure Kenshin stepped in her path, the result wasn't pretty.

"You!" she snarled, eyes lighting with blue fire as she was forced to stop or crash into him.

"Kaoru- _dono_," Kenshin figured that this wasn't getting off the way he wanted it to. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

_No. _

"I'm a little busy right now, Himura-_san_." Kaoru huffed, desperately looking over the older man's shoulder for any form of rescue.

"I'm afraid that this really cannot wait."

Kaoru had the urge to break this pretty boy's nose. Instead, she clung to calm and brushed past him, failing to see the way his hand has lifted to his temple, as if to massage a headache.

"Listen, mister, take a freakin' number."

She gasped in indignant shock as a hand snaked out to grip her elbow. Her backpack dropped to her feet, spilling her philosophy book at her feet. Her initial words of outrage faded as he lifted his gaze to hers.

/Amber?/

She found that she couldn't speak as he pulled her towards himself. His gaze was almost hypnotic.

"_I grow weary, Kaoru, watching myself let you walk away." _His voice was smooth with underlying currents. "_I let you leave me once, koishii. I never repeat the same mistake twice."_

"I-I barely know you," she breathed, her eyes falling shut as he ran a calloused finger lovingly over her bottom lip.

_Don't you? This is Battousai. This is the one who broke you in the end. _

Kaoru's eyes snapped open, and she raised shaking hands to push vainly at Kenshin's chest.

"I...please," she stammered, faltering as he only brought her closer. Blue clashed with amber as she flexed fingers trapped in between them. "Don't."

"_What are you afraid of?" _His voice would have been amused if not for the glitter of desperation in his gaze. "_Are you afraid of me?"_

She tried to shake her head, stifling a gasp as his grip increased in pressure.

"_Then why..."_

__Kaoru eyes softened as she saw the utter sorrow in the fierce golden depths. Unknowingly, she had raised her hand to cup his cheek. Her flesh was splashed with his tears.

"_Why can't you..." _

He kissed her.

A chaste kiss, but an earthshattering one. She didn't know when his grip had softened into a caress, or when her hands had stopped pushing to rest, helpless against the wave of emotion, against his chest. All she knew was that the world had tilted under her feet. Her fingers had clenched in the fabric of his coat, her eyes closed gently against the sensations.

He wrenched himself away, his eyes tormented with memories she couldn't begin to guess at. She raised shaking hands to her cheeks, startled by the wetness on her skin.

He cupped her face in his trembling hand and bent to touch his lips to her quivering throat. His breath puffed, warm, on her skin, and she closed her eyes, nearly missing his anguished words.

_"Why can't you remember me?"_

00000

"Okita- _kun_!" Megumi tugged on her younger brother's sleeve as he placed their tray on the table. "Where's Kaoru-_chan_?"

The taller boy shrugged thoughtfully, his shoulders tense. "I don't know. She should have been here by now."

Misao sipped at her soda, her gaze distant. "She had philosophy before this. Maybe the professor kept her after to.." The petit girl's eyes popped open, her words trailing off.

"Yes, that must be it. That teacher always does keep Kaoru after," Megumi nodded as she stirred her coffee, satisfied. She glanced at her younger sister, her brows furrowing as she noted the girl's look of absolute shock. "Misao? What's the matter?"

Misao could only point and sputter.

Annoyed, Megumi shot a look over her shoulder. Her spoon fell with a clatter.

Kaoru and Kenshin were kissing in the middle of the quad. He was crushing her to his body as if attempting to have her melt into him.

In the middle of the quad.

Both sisters were so startled that neither noticed the growing rage that quaked behind them.

0000

Enishi stalked out of the office, his eyes darkened with annoyance. So they hadn't seen her, had they? Hadn't anyone on this godforsaken campus seen her?

_I need to see her. _

So he started to run. The bit with the jasmine flower had jarred her, he mused as his feet pounded the ground. It was a start, but he knew that she still fought the memories that plagued her dreams. She still fought the knowledge buried deep inside that made her wake, tired and frightened.

He smiled, his eyes lighting with a kind of triumph.

_I bet Battousai hasn't seen her sleep as I have._

Chuckling over the fact that he had one upped his loathed enemy once more, Enishi nearly missed the couple embracing in front of him.

Once he had gotten rid of Battousai, he vowed, his pace never slowing, he would hold Kaoru that way. It would be him touching her cheek, not Battousai. She would look at _him _the way the girl was looking at the man who was whispering to her.

The red haired man who was whispering to her. Enishi stopped abruptly.

_Wait a minute. _

000000

Kaoru inhaled sharply as her abused arm was gripped once more. But when she saw who had grabbed her, she fought the urge to scream.

_"Kaoru, you can't run from me," he whispered to her, his eyes cold as he brushed a gentle hand through her locks. "You cannot deny me." _

_She gasped in pain as his hand fisted in her hair, forcing her to look up into his gaze. "Whether or not Battousai comes for you, know this..."_

_He kissed her then, and her stomach turned. Tears pooled at the corner of her eyes._

_"You are mine now. For always." _

__Enishi smiled at the look of wide eyes panic that she sent him. This was good, he knew. It meant that she was beginning to remember.

"Kaoru."

Kenshin reached and grasped her other arm, his very being radiating possessiveness. "_Enishi.. I told you to stay away from her."_

__Enishi smirked, his countenance at once lazy and defiant. "What can you do about it, Battousai? I marked her. A slash on her stomach. A scar from a wound she's never received."

Kaoru felt her knees grow weak as he grinned cockily at her from behind tinted shades.

"She's mine."

Kenshin's eyes went nearly black in his anger. "_She's mine, Enishi. She was mine before you dared touch her with your filthy hands, before you dared take her away from me. She will _always _be mine."_

Enishi snarled, opened his mouth to retort when someone cleared his throat, smiling dangerously when the two turned to look at him.

"Actually, gentlemen? She's mine."

0000

As the two upperclassmen turned to look at him, Okita briefly entertained the fact that he had stepped into a parallel universe where men suddenly fought in the middle of the quad over his twin sister.

"She's my twin sister. And you," he began, jabbing a finger in the direction of the white haired boy, "You are just weird. Let go of her. Now. And you!" Okita sent a glare over his shoulder to the openly smirking redhead. "Wipe that smirk off your face. I'll deal with you later."

Kaoru stifled a grimace as her twin yanked her out of the mini tug of war. Okita's voice was low and serious, his face grim as he viewed both men warily.

"Stay out of this, Hajime," Enishi warned, his eyes narrowing behind his shades. "Don't concern yourself with things you cannot hope to understand."

"The only thing that I don't understand,"Okita snapped, "Is why YOU are kissing my sister in the middle of the quad!"

Kenshin's eyes went wide as the younger boy pointed an accusing finger in his face.

"Oro?"

"Oh, shut up!"

Kaoru wrenched her arm out of Okita's grasp angrily, bending down to scoop up her back pack before stalking to the café. Three very confused and irritated men stood, shocked, watching her leave.

Okita turned, finding the white haired man had left. He raised an eyebrow at the remaining boy, who was frowning in concentration, touching a long finger to his temple.

"_Oi_. Didn't your eyes used to be yellow?"

_If I ever leave you, how far would you go to bring me back?_


	12. Tear Me Apart

_So I smile, to mask the tears that choke me inside. How foolish, I knew..._

"Kaoru, stop acting like a baby."

She stubbornly folded both arms across her chest. "Go away."

"Kaoru, grow up."

"No."

Okita rolled his eyes and thought briefly of the joys of being an only child. "Kaoru, you were being tugged in two directions in the middle of the quad." His eyes narrowed, "Come to think of it, you were MAKING OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE QUAD!"

Megumi and Misao kept their heads bent over the latest fashion magazine, listening to every word.

Okita continued to rant. "Are you INSANE! Dad's friends with some professors here! What if he heard about this! Don't you remember what happened to your last date when he brought you home late? The guy is terrified to come within a foot of you!"

Kaoru scowled. "Butt out, Okita."

"I would! Do you think I like talking about your stupid love life? I have my own!"

"You do?" Misao asked, looking up. She quickly engrossed herself in the latest celebrity gossip when her older brother snarled in her direction.

"But then Dad gets mad at me for not looking after you! I am your older brother!"

Kaoru snorted. "By two minutes. Oh, the seniority trip you must be getting now."

"ARGH!"

Megumi sipped from her coffee, wrinkled her nose at the slightly bitter taste and reached for some sugar. "Okita–_kun, _you're going to pop a blood vessel._"_

"Yeah," Misao piped in, her lips twitching. "Can't you wait until we're not in public to have a conniption?"

He threw his hands up in exasperation. "Does it bother you that you're kissing some weird man in the middle of the quad? Who is that guy anyway?"

Kaoru lifted a shoulder and turned away, pointedly ignoring her twin. Okita snarled.

"I don't think that I would be that bothered if a guy that cute kissed me in the middle of the quad," Misao pointed out. She wisely went back to her reading again as the twins glared.

Annoyed, Okita threw up his hands, upsetting the table. "Well? Who's the guy?"

Megumi stirred her coffee and took another sip. Satisfied, she looked up. "His name is Himura Kenshin. He's a friend of Sanosuke's."

Okita's mouth dropped open. "Oh, no. Oh, hell no. Not a friend of Sano's."

Megumi's eyes narrowed dangerously. "What's wrong with Sanosuke's friends?"

Okita looked at his sister like she was insane. "It's _SANOSUKE!_ _SANOSUKE! _What else do you need!"

Misao closed her eyes and silently muttered a prayer for peace as another fight broke out.

000000000

Kenshin let the apartment door slam behind him, instantly regretting the decision. The marching band that thundered behind his eyes took that as a sign to start crashing the cymbals.

/What happened?/

The red head headed towards the bathroom, nearly knocking the _sakabatou_ and its stand over in his haste, and yanked open the medicine cabinet, quickly locating the bottle of aspirin. He studied himself in the mirror and grimaced. His face was pale and haggard, his hair in disarray. He looked as if he hadn't slept in days.

"I'm going insane," Kenshin decided, popping the two pills in his mouth. "First, I grab Kaoru's wrist. Then the next thing I know, her brother is asking me why my eyes weren't yellow."

After a pause, he snorted. "As If my eyes could ever be yellow."

Splashing water on his tired face, the boy rubbed a slim hand over his eyes and glanced in the glass once more.

And screamed.

The boy in the mirror had sorrow filled golden eyes.

Stunned, Kenshin lifted a shaking hand to his birthmark, watching as the reflection lifted a steady hand to a jagged scar on the same cheek. He watched, horrified, as the reflection opened its mouth. His voice filled the small bathroom, bounced off of the shiny tiled walls.

_Your fault. _

_Your fault, to give into your cowardice._

Kenshin watched, spellbound, as a single tear ran down the reflection's skin. Both raised a hand and pressed their fingers onto the unforgiving glass.

_How foolish to think that one would always have another chance at happiness._

_00000000000_

Yahiko glared darkly at his brother. "I don't understand why I have to go. I might have homework or something, you know."

Sanosuke barely glanced in his direction as he lowered the window, letting the wind mess up already mused hair. "Shut up, kid. It's a Friday. Do your homework tomorrow."

"You only say that because you never do your homework."

"Eh."

"Stupid _tori-atama_."

"Show respect to your elders, punk."

Yahiko just slouched further into the seat and desperately wished that he did have homework to complain about. "I still don't see why I have to go."

"Because you're living with me while you're going to that high school, Yahiko-_chan_," Sanosuke grinned as the younger boy tried to hit him. "And because you're living with me, I make the rules. In fact, I'm _Kami_ as long as you live in that house. My word is law."

"That's a scary thought."

"Shut up, Aoshi."

Yahiko craned his neck to take another look at the quiet man who was driving. An odd guy, he mused, running a hand through his spiky hair. But a nice one, he supposed. Now what was he doing with his brother?

He looked up as he heard Megumi's voice and waved half heartedly, as teenagers were wont to do. His brother's girlfriend wasn't so bad either, even if he had talked to her only a handful of times since she and Sanosuke started going out.

"Why does Hajime-_san_ go out with you?" he asked Sanosuke, who glowered at him. "I wouldn't."

Aoshi chuckled absently, his eyes passing over Megumi. He seemed to be searching for someone. Yahiko briefly wondered who it could be.

"Yahiko!" Megumi smiled and rested a white hand on his shoulder. "How are you? Do you have a girlfriend yet?"

He gave a typical shrug and a grunt, hiding a blush as he thought of a particular shy girl in his home room class. "Eh."

Megumi laughed, noticing the blush. "How's school, Yahiko?"

"Eh."

"Sounds like fun."

He turned to see a girl with dark, laughing blue eyes, and stared for a second, unable to speak.

Sanosuke gave the girl a hug before wrapping an arm around Megumi and pressing a kiss to her temple. "Yahiko, this is Kaoru, Megumi's younger sister. Kaoru, Yahiko. Yahiko's my baby brother."

Yahiko managed to untangle his tongue. "Step brother. I'm his step brother."

Kaoru smiled and held out a hand. "Pleased to meet you, Sanosuke's step baby brother."

He took it and his eyes filled with tears.

_He scrubbed and scrubbed, not noticing the pain in his fingertips as they rubbed against the wood. His sobs ripped out of him unnoticed, his tears falling softy on the dried blood on the floor._

"_Yahiko." Sanosuke stood by the door, his eyes sad. "Yahiko, come to dinner. You missed lunch. You've been working since breakfast. You must be exhausted."_

_He only shook his head, his arms straining as he moved the rag. Stroke. Stroke. _

"_Yahiko."_

"_I can't. I'm not done."_

"_Yahiko, its nearly time for dinner. Come on. Kenshin made your favorite."_

_His fingers twitched dangerously on the rag as his eyes narrowed. "I'm not hungry."_

_Sanosuke only watched as the younger boy's arms soon gave out and he collapsed, sobbing on the floor. The older man walked over quietly and picked Yahiko up, saying nothing as the boy flailed and kicked out. _

"_Put me down, Sanosuke! Put me down! The floor is dirty, Kaoru, she's going to be mad when she comes back because I told her that I would have the floors clean by today and..." his breaths came out in heaving gasps. "Kaoru, she's...she's."_

_Sanosuke only sighed. "Oh, Yahiko."_

_The boy seemed impossibly young as he gripped Sanosuke's gi. "Why? Why? Its not fair, Sanosuke. Its not fair! The blood won't come out, it won't come off...and Kaoru, and Kaoru..."_

_Sanosuke let him cry it out, unflinching as Yahiko's punches hit him full on. Soon the younger boy's breaths quieted and slowed. _

"_I hate him," he whispered, his eyes drifting shut as Sanosuke carried to his room and tucked him under the heavy blanket. "He wasn't there for her, Sanosuke. He didn't protect her."_

"_I know," Sanosuke murmured, his eyes gentle as he brushed a hand over the younger boy's spiky locks. He didn't look as the shoji opened silently behind them. "Shhh. I know."_

"_Why couldn't he have just told her loved her?" His limbs felt heavy, and he fought off sleep to look at a sorrow filled amethyst gaze above him. "Why couldn't you just tell her, Kenshin? Didn't you love her? Didn't you?"_

_Your fault. Your fault._

_Yahiko missed the rurouni's pain filled reply, his mind going black with blessed oblivion. _

_Your fault._

Kaoru watched, panicked, as the younger boy's eyes shined with unshed tears. "Yahiko?"

He continued to stare, spellbound.

"_Oi_," Sanosuke nudged Yahiko gently, concerned. "Yahiko."

The high schooler jumped, muttered an apology and a 'nice to meet you too,' and bolted towards the car.

_...how foolish, to think that time would stand still forever. _

_-o- Author's Note -o-_

_Remember, all italic phrases are mine. Please do not use them, as they really do come from the heart._

_Keep your eyes peeled for the appearance of the Tenken! And some more Aoshi and Misao scenes. - _

-o- FYI -o-

(F_or those who don't know who Okita is.) Okita was a Shinsengumi captain like Saitou who looks exactly like Soujiro, who in turn looks a lot like Kaoru to me. Okita and Saitou had a strong comradery, and Saitou always seemed like a father figure to Okita in the shows. He died of consumption either during or very shortly after the war. _


	13. Fall Away

_Hold fast to love. It slips too easily away._

When the world around him didn't fall apart to the music of screaming, clanging metal, and heart wrenching sobs as his dreams were wont to do, Kenshin screamed again.

The reflection merely stared.

"Who are you!" Kenshin managed to get out, never taking his eyes off the glass.

The figure smiled sadly, lifted his hand from the mirror.

_And then he was gone._

After a moment of shocked silence, Kenshin rubbed a hand over his drawn face, trying to calm his shaking.

"I'm just tired. There was no man who looked just like me standing in my mirror with a pink gi on."

Nodding to HIS reflection, he turned, groping for the light switch. The bathroom door slammed shut behind him as he stumbled out.

"_It is magenta, de gozaru_."

The neighbors were beginning to tire of all the noise.

_0000_

Misao peeked warily from her doorway before venturing out of her room. The way her brother was watching her– like something to be studied under a microscope– was just getting on her nerves.

"Misao."

She jumped and whirled to meet a stoic gaze.

/oh, crap/

In her attempts to avoid her annoying brother, she completely forgot about the senior she was trying to avoid even more.

/Should have known that I would bump into him, though./

"Oh, hello," she stammered. "Fancy meeting you here." Her eyes narrowed. "In my house."

He nearly smiled but instead watched her, his gaze intense.

"Your brother let me in," he smiled gently then and held up a thick text book. "Yours?"

She scowled briefly. "Where did you get that?"

He shrugged. "In the quad. You should be more careful with your things."

"But..." she shook her head and trailed off. "I could have sworn that I didn't have it with me in the quad."

He merely lifted a shoulder again– he had decided to leave out the fact that he had taken it from her sister's pile on the café table when she wasn't looking.

"Anyways," she blushed and ducked her head, remembering the last time she had crashed into him. Mortification. "Bye! Thanks!"

Aoshi felt tiny hands pushing at him vainly and nearly laughed. Misao failed to see the humor. Pushing at him was like pushing at a mountain.

"Would you move?" she sputtered. "Why are you here!"

He stiffened.

"_Why are you here, Misao?"_

_Her eyes shimmered with tears. He loved her desperately. Wanted to comfort her beyond anything. _

_But he didn't reach out. _

_Instead he sipped his tea, hoping that she didn't see the way the cup was shaking. "Why are you here?"_

"_Please don't leave, Aoshi-sama," she whispered. Reaching out, she laid a hand over his rigid arm. "I...I..."_

"_Misao, I have to go." Aoshi stared straight ahead at nothing. "I cannot stay."_

"_No, you don't!" She pulled at his sleeve desperately. "You don't have to go!"_

"_Misao!"_

_She released his sleeve, but her eyes still glared. _

"_Why are you running away, Aoshi-sama?"_

_He stiffened. "Do not talk of things that you cannot understand, Misao."_

"_You are a coward."_

_He balled his hands into fists and slid them up his sleeves so that he wouldn't be tempted to use them._

_So that she wouldn't see them tremble. _

_She must have sensed his anger, for she bowed her head and whispered an apology. He didn't want to hear it._

"_Misao." She looked at him, but he couldn't meet her gaze. Not when she was right. "Leave me."_

_She couldn't quite muffle the sob that tore at him, but she rose and bowed gracefully nonetheless. His _

_heart swelled with pride and love. His soul wept. _

_She turned and paused, looking at him Squaring her shoulders. Gathering courage._

_He tensed, already knowing that she would trail a hesitant hand along the warm skin of his cheek. That she would touch her lips to his. That he would close his eyes and allow himself a sliver of peace that he didn't deserve. _

_He pushed her away, sickened with himself when, with silent tears, she ran out of the room. _

_The kiss was innocent; he should not have been staggered. _

_But his world had broken open._

Aoshi snapped back to reality, his cheek stinging with pain. She stared at him, bewildered and angry, her hand still raised as if to strike again. He lifted a hand to his mouth, shocked to find it warm from another's lips. _Her _lips.

/Oh./

"How _dare_ you!" she sputtered. Her eyes were filled with an emotion that Aoshi could not begin to decipher. "Get away from me!"

Speechless, he had no other choice than to walk away, his head throbbing painfully, his heart ripped in two.

"_Aoshi."_

Pausing, he turned to look at her. Her eyes were sad and old, a fisted hand covering her heart.

"_You cannot reverse the past." _She offered a mockery of a smile that shot through him like an arrow. "_You cannot confuse guilt with love. You cannot give someone false hope after tormenting them for so long."_

He couldn't find the voice to answer; only watched as tears started to stream down her pale cheeks. His breaths grew unsteady.

"_You cannot come back here again."_

And then she left.

And he was alone.

_00000_

"Who are you?" The ghost only raised a slim eyebrow.

"What do you want?"

At that, the man's expression grewimpossibly weary and forlorn. Kenshin felt a wave of shame wash over him.

"_Peace."_

The apparition reached out and gently traced the birthmark on the frightened boy's cheek. Kenshin shivered. His touch was as cold as ice.

"_Do not fail again, young one..."_

"Fail?"

"_I've waited too long, watched too many make the same mistakes as I did."_

"What?"

"_I grow tired," _the man continued, closing his eyes and drawing a shuddering breath. "_Tired, waiting for the one I love."_

Kenshin raked an impatient hand through his hair. "What do you want me to do?"

/Ok, double check. Am reasoning with a ghost who looks exactly like me. Clothed in pink. Am I insane?/

The ghost smirked sadly, as if he could read Kenshin's thoughts.

/Wait./

"You're that thing," Kenshin breathed. "That thing inside of me. That voice."

The man nodded slowly. Kenshin fought with the instant indignation. His voice rose with it.

"What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?"

"_Accept me."_

And his world went dark.

_00000_

"_Kaoru."_

_She smiled at him, lifted a hand to wave. _

_And then she walked away._

Enishi screamed, jolting awake to find himself tangled in sweat dampened sheets. He tossed the blankets off, running pale hands over a tired face as he paced the floor. Hearing something, he turned and stiffened, seeing a newcomer. They stared at each other, unblinking, for several endless moments.

The intruder spoke quietly.

"People will talk."

Enishi knew this and nodded, smiling softly to himself.

"They will think you insane."

His eyes never wavered. "Kaoru will not. She is all that matters."

"She already thinks you are."

Enishi frowned. "Shut up."

"She is scared of you."

He dare taunt him?

_"_SHUT UP!"He shrieked it, flailing out with his fist. He watched in satisfaction as blood blossomed, scarlet on the boy's face. _Blood. _Enishi's smile slipped as he viewed the stain on his skin. _Blood. _His white hands reached to vainly cover his ears.

_Blood. It was everywhere. On him. On his hands. He looked down and muffled a sob. _

_On her. _

"_Kaoru?" he whimpered, unsure. Her eyes were open, staring. Accusing. _

_Panicked, he picked her up tenderly, gagging when her head fell back limply. He laid the body out on the futon, straightening her disheveled hair gingerly. His hands were trembling. _

_Her hair was only disheveled because they had struggled. When he had stabbed her. _

_When he had _killed_ her. _

"_What have I done?" he asked her. _

_She did not answer. _

_Muffling his sobs, he folded the mattress around her and pushed it in between the wall and her vanity table. He backed up and fell to his knees, placing his hands over his ears and rocking back and forth. _

_He had just killed the only woman he ever loved. _

_There was noise outside the room, and Enishi stopped breathing. _

"_Kaoru-dono?"_

_A golden gaze swam before his teary eyes. Enishi had to bite his lip to keep from shouting. Battousai. _

"_Kaoru-dono? Are you all right?"_

_Silence._

_The rurouni sighed ad Enishi could hear him shuffle his feet. "I'm sorry, de gozaru. I could have sworn that I felt something. But I suppose that you are still angry, de gozaru. We will talk tomorrow."_

_Silence._

_Battousai spoke again and Enishi nearly laughed out loud at the hurt and confusion in his voice. _

"_Good...Good night, Kaoru-dono." Enishi listened for the retreating footsteps, and let out his breath silently. _

_Good night. _

_I wonder how he will react when he comes across his beloved Kaoru- dono tomorrow? _

_Enishi took comfort in that fact, slowly getting to his knees and heading for the window. _

_He stopped and blew a kiss to his beloved. _

"_I did this for us, Kaoru. This way you're mine. For always."_

He blinked once to get his bearings. Then he glared at the smirking man in front of him"She's _mine_, I say," he hissed to the boy in the darkness, hating that mocking grin. He slammed his fist in the other boy's nose again and watched the blood trail down.

"Not yours. Battousai's."

Enishi went insane; fists flying, breaths heaving.

"Mine! Mine! Do you hear me? Mine! Do you? NOT BATTOUSAI'S!"

His arms fell to his sides, his breaths heaved out and he grinned at the sight of his opponent's bloodied face. The grin quickly shifted into a snarl as his mood shifted, and he spat at the offender, disgusted.

"Mine."

He walked away, jagged glass falling from the crimson splattered mirror.

_No one is going to take her away. _

_If the world were to end this very instant, if the mountains crumbled and the seas dried up, if all of mankind were in chaos. How happy I would be, just to see your face._

Author's Note

I apologize for the delay, but there was apparently something wrong with for a bit.

PLEASE READ CAREFULLY. Suicide is something that Kaoru is not likely to commit. This is because she did not. Kaoru did not kill herself. Everyone thought she had. But she DID NOT KILL HERSELF. Enishi murdered her and left the body. No one has committed suicide. Yet.

Also, I do appreciate the comments about the incorrect names. And I do apologize. I had no idea about the Saitou name mix up, as I am deprived and most of my Kenshin videos are dubbed. So I honestly thought that his last name was Hajime. As for Okita, I changed his name on purpose. I knew that most people would know him mainly by his name in the series, which was Okita, his last name. And I knew that by making him Saitou's son, he would therefore lose his last name, and many people wouldn't recognize him. So, there's my reasoning.

As for the repetition in my writing, I really must state that it is intentional. I had used a thesaurus at first, but grew tired of it. After some deliberation, I figured out that there was a reason. The repetition of words creates a haunting effect- sort of like a gong or a ringing clock. I know that might not make sense to some people, but it is my piece and my reasoning.

With that, I thank the people who pointed my errors out to me, and I hope that this explanation clears some things up. There usually is a method to my madness.


	14. Closer

_Would you listen to me, even if what I said was the truth?_

Misao glared into space, her arms crossed stubbornly at the chest. Megumi sighed. She recognized the signs of an oncoming onslaught.

"Keep your stupid boy toy's stupid friends away from me!"

Megumi winced slightly at the sheer volume of her sister's voice, raising an elegant eyebrow. "Oh? Who?"

"Don't you OH me, Megumi," Misao huffed. "You know damn well who I'm talking about."

Shrugging, Megumi ducked over her reading again. "You know– Sanosuke is my boyfriend. Not my slave. He does what he does. And if he wants to bring Aoshi around, there's really nothing I can do about it."

"Well, then...tell Sanosuke he can never come over again!" Megumi leapt up, eyes flashing.

"MISAO!"

Okita cheerfully waltzed into the room, took one look at the mutinous expressions on both of his sister's faces and tried to sneak back out again. No suchluck.

"Okita, tell Megumi that her stupid boyfriend is not wanted at the house!"

"Megumi, Misao says..."

He trailed off helplessly as he received a cinnamon glare from the older girl.

"Okita, please inform your _baby _sister that it really is none of her business whether or not my boyfriend comes over. And furthermore, she shouldn't be mad at my Sanosuke for Shinomori's actions."

Okita cringed at the incredulous gasp that ripped out from his younger sister's mouth.

"Misao, Megumi says that..."

"OKITA, SHUT UP!"

Okita gladly complied.

"How _dare_ you!" Misao shrieked, causing both siblings to wince again. "It's stupid Sanosuke's fault that Shinomori even came to the house! Now he knows where we live!"

"Oh, no! Call the police! Radio the army! Someone knows where we live! He could have looked it up in the phone book, genius!"

"MEGUMI--"

Okita held up his hands in hopes of placating his two sisters. "Meg, Mi-_chan_, why don't we sit down and...and have some tea?" Inspired, he picked up the teapot that his mother had left on the table.

Misao turned and fixed him with a killing stare. Okita could only blink as his younger sister's eyes deepened with what he could only hope was rage.

"_I. Hate. Tea._"

"You're acting like a baby, Misao. Stop snapping at Okita!"

"Thanks, Meg--"

"WAS I TALKING TO YOU?"

Okita laughed nervously, looking frantically for a way out.

Kaoru leaned against the doorway of the living room. "I'm sorry, is my studying getting in the way of your screaming match?"

"Kaoru, tell Megumi to leave me alone!"

"Kaoru, tell Misao to grow up!"

"Okita, tell Megumi to stop being a b--"

"MISAO!"

"Megumi, Misao says to stop..."

"SHUT UP, OKITA!"

Okita rolled his eyes to the heavens for mercy. His twin simply left the room.

000000000000

Kenshin blinked, raising a hand to his throbbing head and trying to recount his steps.

/How did I get on the floor?/

_You fainted._

"I did no such thing," he retorted, vaguely offended.

_You did. After you screamed like a little girl._

Kenshin opened his mouth to fire a sharp response, but clamped it shut, his eyes growing impossibly wide. He was talking to himself. To a voice inside his head. He vaguely remembered a man in a pink _gi_ talking to him. He raised a shaking hand to rub at his tired eyes.

_The gi is not pink._

"Why are you doing this?" Kenshin whispered, letting his head fall back onto the cool wood of his floor. "Who are you?"

_You._

Kenshin felt a sharp prick behind his eyes. And he screamed.

"_Kenshin!" Her eyes were filled with laughter as she smoothed her kimono. She had sakura petals in her hair. He loved her desperately. _

_Here was happiness. Peace. Love._

"_Battousai!" Saitou's eyes blazed with golden fire. "Do you think you can defeat me so easily!" Here was annoyance, danger. A grudging respect._

"_Yo! Kenshin!" Brown eyes were alight with mischief, and the taller boy ran a bandaged hand through his impossibly messy hair. Here was friendship._

"_Kenshin!" Dark eyes, filled with determination. "I'm not a child! I'm a samurai, like you!" Here was the little brother that he had lost._

"_Ken-san!"_

"_Ken-nii!"_

_Here was adoration._

"_Kenshin!"_

_Blue eyes were lifeless there, accusing as she stared up at him, a knife buried in her chest. A quick 'x' mark carved on her flawless skin. _

"_Kenshin!"_

_A dagger in her heart, mocking him. Blood on the floor. Blood on his hands. Her blood._

_Here was failure._

"_Kenshin!"_

_He screamed. _

"_Baka deshi_."

Kenshin groaned as he felt the foot make contact with his side. He could vaguely make out the fact that he had his hands pressing against the sides of his head as if to keep his thoughts from spilling out onto the floor.

The foot nudged him again, insistent. _"Baka deshi_."The voice was creeping towards concern.

"_Shishou_?"

"What the hell are you doing, squealing like a little girl?" Seijiro Hiko raised a thick eyebrow as he studied his pupil. "I thought you were dying."

/So did I/

"Sorry," Kenshin mumbled, rubbing his head as he slowly sat up. The larger man merely grunted andturned, headingfor the kitchen to root through the refrigerator.

"_Oi, Baka deshi_, what were you doing on the floor?" Hiko's voice boomed like thunder from the kitchen.

"I...I don't know," Kenshin muttered. "Uh...Sleeping?"

Hiko's only reply was a disbelieving snort.

The doorbell rang, causing Kenshin's throbbing head to shout in protest. Moaning, the redhead stumbled to the hallway and warily propping it open. Sanosuke's younger brother eyed him, his gaze snapping with indignation.

"Kenshin."

Kenshin ran a hand through his hair, wondering why the boy had come all the way to his apartment. "Yahiko? What are you doing here?"

Yahiko ducked his head, letting his unruly hair fall into his eyes.

And punched Kenshin in the stomach.

_0000000000000000000_

"Yo, Aoshi." Sanosuke slurred the name around a _sake_ bottle. "What happened at the _kitsune's _house? You walked out like you had seen a ghost."

The quiet man shook his head and took another sip of tea. "I don't want to talk about it."

Sanosuke nodded, tipping dangerously in his chair. "S'all right, s'all right."

Aoshi viewed the intoxicated boy warily, judging mentally whether or not he should call a cab or drag the boy home. A cab would be expensive, he mused, and sticking a drunk Sanosuke with the bill would be simply unfair...

"Misao there, she's a firecracker, eh?" Sanosuke hiccuped, attempting to nudge his companion in the side with a knowing wink. He missed and nearly toppled forward, saving himself at the last instant by latching on to the table. It shook dangerously, and Aoshi grabbed his teacup before it shattered on the floor. Sano laughed uproariously.

Aoshi felt his eye twitch.

/Then again.../

"Sanosuke, I don't want to talk about it," Aoshi murmured. Sighing, he rose and rolled his shoulders. Carrying an inebriated Sanosuke to the car was not going to be a fun task.

Sanosuke looked hazily around as Aoshi shouldered him, supporting his slack weight. "Eh? Whazzat?"

"Sanosuke, just faint or something," Aoshi grit out.

"Don't know what's got you and Himura in a twist," Sanosuke mumbled, his head lolling forward. "_Just because the girls aren't leaping into your arms doesn't mean that you two should be pathetic enough to give up so easily."_

Aoshi froze, dropping Sanosuke to the ground in a heap.

"_Oi!"_

The other boy leaned down and gripped Sanosuke's arm. His blue eyes were sharp and to the point. "What did you just say?"

Sanosuke smiled lazily, letting his eyes flutter shut. Fighting frustration, Aoshi shook him, shouting his name.

Sanosuke opened his eyes, annoyance clear in their swirling depths. Aoshi nearly let the boy fall again in his shock.

"_What, did you honestly think that it was going to be that easy?"_

_Sometimes the best advice comes from a fool._

_00000000000000000_

_A/N_

_Not that Sanosuke is a fool– bwaha. Just drunk. _


	15. Touch

_When we two parted_

_In silence and tears_

_Half broken hearted_

_To sever for years_

_Cold grew they cheek_

_Cold, colder thy kiss_

_Truly that hour foretold_

_Sorrow to this!_

_00000000000_

Kenshin wheezed, doubling over and clutching his stomach in surprise. Yahiko glared at him, his cinnamon eyes narrowing and churning with rage.

"_How dare you show your face to her,"_ the boy hissed, his fists shaking in agitation. "_Who do you think you are?"_

Kenshin looked up, incredulous. The younger boy's punch hadn't hurt as much as it had shocked him, which Kenshin was thankful for. The boy was a quick learner, and quite skilled at _kendo_. Being the younger brother of Sanosuke didn't hurt his fighting skills either.

"Are you insane! What the hell is the matter with you?"

Yahiko's next words stilled his heart.

"_You failed to protect her once. You weren't there for her."_

Kenshin felt his throat constrict, his eyes prick with an unseen pressure. "Yahiko-_kun_."

"_NO!" _The boy's voice shook with emotion as he jabbed a finger in Kenshin's chest. "_You weren't there for her. Your fault. I refuse to watch you let her down again." _

Kenshin ran a shaking hand through his hair, trying to come to grips with his reality. "My God, this is really happening."

Yahiko smirked unpleasantly, his eyes filling alarmingly with tears. "_I'll be watching you, Kenshin. Let her down again, and I swear I'll come after you."_

And he walked away, leaving a wide eyed Kenshin standing in the doorway.

_Your fault. _

_0000000000000000_

Aoshi let the door slam behind his darkened apartment and sighed. Dragging a smashed Sanosuke up the stairs to his bedroom and dumping him on his bed was not an easy feat.

"Damn _tori-atama_," Aoshi muttered, popping open the refrigerator and grabbing a carton at random and pouring it into a cup. The silence was deafening, and he wandered through the small living room, seeing nothing as he maneuvered past the furniture.

He took a sip of his drink, noting dimly that it was tea, and lowered himself to his couch. Closing his eyes, he tried to meditate.

_Aoshi-sama!_

Bolting upright with a gasp, Aoshi shook his head briefly to expel any thoughts of that Hajime girl. After the disaster that occurred at her house, he had promised himself that he would stay away from her. Not to think about her, speak to her, come within ten feet of her.

"For a very, very long time," He murmured, raising the cup to his lips once again.

_You fool._

Aoshi turned slowly, not trusting his senses when he came face to face with an ice blue gaze. He took in the trench coat, the dark blue jumpsuit...the twin _kodachi_ at this man's sides. This man who had his face. Instinctively, Aoshi reached for the two twin blades resting on a traditional stand.

_It wouldn't help you. _He..._it..._seemed amused. _No one and nothing can kill me._

He reached out and grasped Aoshi's shoulder. The boy gasped in shock as a searing cold froze through his shoulder.

_After all, _it continued_, who can harm the dead?_

Aoshi dimly heard the crash of his teacup shattering on the floor.

"_Aoshi- sama,"_ _Misao's eyes sparkled as she twirled around on the grass. "Come, play with me!"_

"_Misao, you'll catch cold."_

_She turned and stuck out her tongue, laughter coloring her response. Her hair, free from its braid for once, fell in waves around her flushed face. He felt a flicker of concern that he couldn't ignore. Her energy wasn't what it used to be anymore. She was coughing well into the night. Something was wrong. _

_Her giggles brought him out of his dark musings, as her cold hands on his skin jarred him to look at her smile. He felt it warm him, and hated his weakness. What warrior depended on a mere girl for strength?_

_But then she smiled at him, and he could not think of anything else to say._

"_But you'll never let it harm me, right?"_

_He could not answer, but watched as she pouted._

"_Because then I would be invincible!" She giggled as she resumed twirling. "No one could kill the dead, Aoshi-sama! No one could harm the dead! Not even you!" _

_He never saw the tears running down her cheeks. _

_He tried not to let his amusement or his affection show on his face. He knew any emotion would be clung to and taken as encouragement. He tried not to let his regret show in his eyes._

_She deserved better._

Aoshi dimly felt the pain as he stepped on a shard of his cup. But his attention was focused fully on the apparition before him.

Suddenly, it hit him. The visions, the headaches, the blackouts. The voice in his head. Aoshi fell on the couch again, cradling his head in his pale, shaking hands.

"Oh, my God."

The ghost simply smiled.

_Not so stupid after all. _

_0000000000000000_

Enishi hissed in annoyance as the sun glared from the taunting sky. Whipping his turquoise shades from his eyes, the boy flung them away and ground them into the hot asphalt with his heel. He smiled as he felt the glass crumble under his foot.

"Enishi."

He turned slowly, his smile stolen from him. His gaze turned sullen, childish.

"_Hai, sensei?_"

She looked at him sadly, her eyes pensive as his mouth turned down. "Shouldn't you be in class?"

He smirked, shrugged lazily. "Right. I'll be on my way then."

He turned to leave, and she gathered the courage to grasp his shoulder. The boy stiffened at her touch, but made no move to shrug her hand away.

"Enishi, you have to let her go."

His eyes gleamed manicly for an instant, freezing her blood. The manic expression shifted rapidly into sad confusion. Then the look was gone, replaced by the bored look of a teenager.

" I'm afraid I don't know quite what you're talking about."

"Enishi. You must leave her alone. She is meant to be with-"

"She belongs to me!" he shrieked, eyes wild as he snarled. "What do you know! She was there for me. She cared for me. When I had no one else, she was there! Battousai will never have her."

"Enishi."

He straightened, ran a steady hand through his unruly hair. "I must apologize, _sensei_. But I am late for class."

She moved aside to let him pass, lips tugged down in worry. He shot an unreadable glance over his shoulder.

"She is mine.Battousai may have taken you away from me, Tomoe. But I'll be damned if I let him take her away. I love her. Too much to let her go."

She bit her lip, worrying it in her agitation. "Enishi, why–?"

His determined look shifted into something young and vulnerable. Before she had the chance to wonder at it, his gaze was once again hard.

"She's all I have."

Speechless, she watched him walk away.This time she could not find the courage to reach out.

His fists clenched and unclenched uncontrollably as he fought to get his breathing under control. He didn't notice the tear falling down his face.

_She's all I have._

_Kaoru smiled at him, softly humming a tune as she walked along the beach. His heart nearly burst with longing. But it swelled with another emotion as he saw her sit and turn to face him._

_Pain. _

_Her eyes were quiet. But he knew it was not him she was seeing._

"_Enishi, you know you have to let me go." Her voice was sad._

"_No." His was defiant._

"_You know that I'm not meant to be here, with you."_

"_I need you here."_

_Something in her gaze stirred. Grief? _

"_Enishi..."_

"_You don't understand," he took her hands, held them, cold and limp in his own. Her face was tired and kind. _

_She looked like Tomoe, and he struggled to keep that thought to herself, knowing how it would upset her._

"_You're all I have, Kaoru." His voice broke, and he closed his eyes. "I have no one else."_

_He wept, and fell to his knees in the sand. He pressed his cheek against her leg, and held on. _

_She made no sound. _

_A moment later he felt her hand, cold as ice, on his cheek. _

"_You do not have to be alone, Enishi. You won't always be alone."_

_He looked up and saw her sad smile before she turned away to gaze wistfully at the ocean. Still, her hand rested, comforting, on his shaking shoulder._

"_You don't always have to be alone."_

Enishi smiled softly as he walked away from the professor. He unclenched his hands, watching cooly as the blood dripped from his fingertips to the asphalt.

"_You don't always have to be alone."_

This time he would make sure of it.

_If I should meet thee_

_After long years,_

_How should I greet thee-_

_With silence and tears._

–Lord Byron "When We Two Parted"

_0000000000_

_Author's Note:_

_Just before anyone asks, there is a reason why I left both Tomoe and Enishi's conversations in normal format. I'll elaborate on that later :) But if anyone can guess correctly, I'll give that person a special sneak peak at the next chapter._ _And trust me, I have some good ideas!_

_The little poem is from Lord Byron, one of my favorite romantic poets.One of myfavorite poems, actually. Haunting, ne? I thought it fit, anyways._

_Another win for the Mock Trial team! Woot woot! Going to states, baby!_

_Ciao!_


	16. We All Fall Down

_After winter comes spring. Without fail. _

* * *

Aoshi pressed the palms of his hands against his eyes, his breathing coming out in controlled pants.

"The hallucinations."

_Memories. _

"The voice in my head."

_Me._

"That _Hajime _girl."

There was a silence, and Aoshi lowered his hands from his face to see himself, _himself!_, looking forlornly out the window.

_Do you not remember?_

"I don't want to." Aoshi's usually frigid voice rose and shook. "Damn it, I want none of this to be real!"

The ghost merely smiled, lifted a shoulder. _You cannot wish away the truth. _Aoshi watched his smile turn rueful.

_No matter how hard you try._

They locked eyes again, and Aoshi felt a sharp pain ignite behind his eyes. He knew what was about to happen.

Panicked, he turned away, groping blindly for the twin blades resting on the stand. "NO!"

The ghost smiled sadly at the man's objections.

_Too late._

_

* * *

_

_The hallway was dark and cold. He felt a shudder creep over his skin._

"_Misao," he sighed, placing a hesitant hand on her door. "Misao, wake up."_

_He glanced at the clock, noting the early hour. It was uncommon for Misao to be up this early, he knew. But something had pulled him from his room, to make sure._

_Make sure of what? He nearly laughed at his superstition. Make sure that Misao would wake up with even more anger towards him?_

_After all, Misao had probably had the best sleep in months last night, Aoshi mused, shifting his feet nervously. He hadn't heard the coughing that kept him up at night, the coughing that made him stay up to listen and feel helpless, leaning against the wall that separated them. So she must be better. She must have recovered. Been cured. Right?_

_But he couldn't dispel the shadow of a doubt that crept up his spine._

_A few more moments of waiting, and Aoshi began to grow impatient. Calling her name more insistently, he gradually slid her shoji open to peer cautiously inside. _

_Her futon hadn't even been brought out of the corner._

_Aoshi's eyes narrowed, and he flung the shoji open, the resonating slam echoing through the dark hall. In his panic, Aoshi didn't hear it. The chill intensified, taking his bones with its bony hands and shaking them mercilessly. She wasn't there. _

_Where was she?_

_He stepped into the room, all senses alert. There was no sign of life– no heartbeat– unless you counted his pounding one, no breathing. Aoshi felt fear curl its icy fingers over his heart._

_Where was she?_

_He was on the verge of tearing his hair out when the light of the rising sun revealed a corner of her sleeping yukata. He watched as the rays spilled over, bathing Misao's sleeping form in sunlight. _

_He released a breath he hadn't known he was holding. Misao was still sleeping– she must have been too tired to prepare her futon. She was still there, safe. Close. _

_He allowed a small grin of relief to grace his lips as he watched her, his eyes tenderly tracing her small features. The energy that always seemed to define her was silent as she slept. She looked like an angel._

_His smile froze. _

_No heartbeat. No breathing. No sign of life._

_No. No. No. _

_Aoshi fell to his knees as if in a daze, and touched his fingers to Misao's neck, praying for a pulse, somehow knowing that he would find none. _

_Her skin was cold. Her eyes were closed. Blood dotted her lips, as well as the piece of linen that rested in her outstretched hand. _

_She wasn't sleeping._

_He repeated her name in a pained whisper, drawing her body into his arms and cradling her, rocking slowly back and forth. _

_He told himself it wasn't real. It couldn't be real. Never. Not her. Not Misao._

_He didn't realize he was screaming until Okina ran in. He wouldn't stop, couldn't stop, even as he heard Okina's frantic shouting, Omasu's and Shiro's shrieking, the heavy thump signaling Okon falling to the floor. _

_Something in him had broken._

_And without her, he knew that it would never be fixed._

_

* * *

_

"No!" Aoshi growled, striking blindly with his _kodachi_. "No! How _dare_ you! Why would you show me that! I didn't want to see!"

He paused, gasping for breath. A single tear burned a trail down his flesh. He silently lowered himself to the couch, covered his head with his hands.

The specter closed his eyes.

_You cannot undo the past, young one._

Aoshi looked up, watched the man slowly fade from sight.

_You can only decide the future._

And he wept.

_Ice never stays frozen forever._

_

* * *

_

Kenshin adjusted his backpack's straps as he walked, noting that it was a shame that it was such a nice day. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining.

His hands twitched with the need to hurt someone. Or something. Whatever one would classify a past life living in your head as being.

_I'm here to help, you realize._

A past life that wouldn't shut up.

_You cannot ignore me forever, you know._

Kenshin felt his eye twitch with agitation.

_You know what you must do now. You understand..._

"NO!"

His shout startled the birds, causing them to flee, frantic, out of their safe perch. The music of the chirping stopped.

There was silence, and Kenshin fought the urge to rip his hair out.

"No. I don't understand. This is _my_ life. This is _my_ heart that we're talking about. I'm not going to force myself to fall in love with someone just because you didn't have the guts to make things right two hundred years ago."

The ensuing silence turned tense. When the voice spoke, it was cold and hard.

_You forget too soon, young one, that you are me._

"No, I'm not! I wouldn't have made the same mistakes."

He turned, trying to escape the pain that washed through him. The guilt. It was impossible to determine who's emotions he was feeling.

"I...I wouldn't have..."

Out of the corner of his eye, Kenshin watched the door to the auditorium swing open, revealing a shock of dark hair. Kaoru blinked and raised a hand to shield her eyes from the imposing sun, shrugging her purse over her shoulder.

Kenshin was hit with an incredible wave of longing, that both saddened and infuriated him. He watched as she turned to meet his gaze, watched as a slight blush colored her cheeks. He watched as she tentatively lifted a hand in greeting, watched as she winced and raised a hand to her temple.

"I would have _never_ let her down."

He watched as she turned away.

* * *

Kaoru winced again, rubbing vigorously at the dull pain that blossomed under her skin. Turning to reach into her book bag for some aspirin, her hand brushed against her philosophy book.

/The assignment/

Grasping the text, she pulled it out and settled on a bench. She had all intentions of reading it. Really. She did.

Taking a deep breath, she placed pale hands on the cover and moved to open it.

BANG.

Raising shaking hands to her mouth, Kaoru stared at the text. She decided that it was probably better not to question too deeply why the text was now laying on the quad, ten feet away.

Her hands still shook from the surge of emotion.

_No._

"So this is why you never seem to finish the assignment."

Kaoru looked up and smiled as Tomoe bent down to retrieve the book. The professor didn't seem to mind that she was now staring at silver eyes.

"_Ah, sensei. I've been meaning to tell you... I understand your good intentions," _she said, eyes flashing with annoyance._ "But I also must inform you that, no matter how well intentioned they may be, they are not appreciated."_

"They're not supposed to be appreciated," Tomoe murmured. "They mean to direct you, to help you"

"_I do not need direction,"_ she hissed, standing and facing the woman. "_I do not require your help. I just want to be left alone."_

"He loves you still!"

The was silence between the two, the only sound being Tomoe's unsteady breathing. She watched, horrified, as tears welled and spilled over in Kaoru's silver gaze. She failed to notice the same moisture gathering in her own

"He loves you still, and he will always love you," she pleaded, grasping the girl's cold hand in her own. "He's been through Hell for you! Does that not touch you in some way? Do you honestly feel nothing?"

Kaoru laughed, and it was hollow and broken. Tomoe let go of her, snatching back her hands as if burned.

"_You weren't there. You don't know. You talk about feeling? Feeling, when the man you loved ignored you and rejected you for over two years? Feeling for the man who swore to protect you, who went through Hell for you? Who watched over you as he let you die alone?"_

She bent down to pick up her book bag. Tomoe could only watch dumbly as the girl pushed the text back into her hands. Kaoru flipped her dark hair over her shoulder, gray eyes flashing in the sunlight.

"_I am afraid, Tomoe-san, that you fail to understand. The problem is not that I feel nothing. The problem is that I feel too much."_

The text fell to the grass with a thump.

* * *

_The heart is a complicated thing, If one thinks too much of it, they risk missing the whole picture._


	17. Promise

_Never underestimate your opponent._

Misao wanted to cry. Or scream. Or hit someone. And her older brother's smirking face seemed like the perfect target.

"Honestly, Okita, you've lost your mind!"

The boy scowled. "No, what I've lost is my sense of reality. I've been so busy trying to get pretty boy away from Kaoru I completely miss that you have a crazy person following you as well."

Misao's eyes flashed dangerously. "I don't want to talk about that, Okita."

"I don't care, Misao. What I do care about is the party tonight. I do not want you going."

"You're not my father, Okita."

"That's Okita _ni-san_. And with you, I'm actually a couple of years older."

"Oh, stuff it."

"Misao!" Okita's voice was scandalized.

"_Ni-chan_, I don't know how else to say this to you," she continued, breaking away to root through the fridge. "But its not exactly the first time I've had guys being weird around me."

Megumi let out a snort of laughter as she slid into the stool beside Okita. "Oh? Boys who shun sunlight in favor of video games and _Dungeons and Dragons _don't count, Mi."

Okita wisely muffled his snickers when he glanced his sister's darkening face.

"MEGUMI!"

The older girl delicately caught the apple projectile thrown at her and wiped it on her sleeve. "She's going, Okita."

"No, she's not."

"Its your fraternity that is holding this party," Misao pointed out.

"Another reason why you can't go."

Megumi elegantly rolled her eyes. "So you want her to be alone tonight."

Okita frowned, "What?"

"Where she can get in all sorts of trouble."

"Yeah!" Misao was quickly catching on. "Like when I accidentally set fire to the microwave."

Okita gulped, considering.

"If you let her come, at least you can keep an eye on her."

"Keep an eye on her?"

"Yeah. You can make sure she doesn't set the fraternity house on fire too."

"Megumi!" Misao protested, "I'm right here!"

Both siblings both ducked the flying food projectiles.

"You do have a point there," Okita mused, chewing thoughtfully on his lip. He missed his older sister motioning for Misao to go upstairs and change. "Okay. Misao, I guess that you can..."

Turning, his voice trailed off. His sister was no where to be found.

"I think it would be safer to just admit defeat, Okita-_chan_," Megumi's eyes were sparkling with what Okita only hoped was a harmless mischief. She sauntered off with a cackle, suspicious fox ears popping out of her head.

Okita put his head on the counter, wondering why _kami_ would hate him so, to put him in a family full of sisters.

* * *

Kaoru was having a bad day. After inexplicably throwing her philosophy book across the quad, the next thing she could remember was her _sensei_'s white face peering anxiously into her's.

"What is going on with me?" she kicked the street in her frustration, but only managed to scuff her shoe. She scowled darkly, wiping her bangs out of her eyes. "Am I going insane?"

"You shouldn't talk like that, love."

Kaoru stiffened, eyes growing wide at the sound of the laughing voice. She whirled around and leapt into the speaker's open arms.

"_Sou-chan!"_

* * *

Kenshin probably shouldn't have followed her, especially now that she was hugging another man. He turned away, disgusted with himself. Yeah, he probably shouldn't have followed her.

_Gee, you think? _

"Oh, shut up," he muttered, causing some elderly passerby to eye him warily. "I wish that you could just shut up."

_Well, I wish that you didn't have your head up your..._

"Kenshin?"

Kenshin was saved from coming up with a witty comeback to...what...the voice in his head? His past life? The annoying person who wouldn't leave him alone?

"Kenshin?"

/Oh, right. Person calling my name./

"Aoshi. What's up?"

The taller boy merely cocked an eyebrow and fell into step beside the redhead.

The silence was stifling. Kenshin groped for a conversation topic.

/Like what? Oh, Aoshi, guess what? I have this slightly obsessive thing living in my subconscious. He wants to use me to 'move on' or bond or something. Isn't that funny/

"So...weather."

Kenshin winced at Aoshi's narrowed gaze. "What about it?"

"Its...nice."

A distant crack of thunder sounded. It seemed like nature was laughing at his misfortune.

Aoshi did his almost smile thing and shrugged as the rain began to downpour. "I guess."

"Yo!"

The pair turned to wait for Sanosuke, watching as the boy ran up. He threw an arm around both Kenshin and Aoshi, causing the smaller man to pitch forward. He nearly fell into a rapidly growing puddle.

"Oro!"

Aoshi remained quiet.

"So! You two headed to the party tonight?"

Kenshin shrugged half heartedly. "Frat parties aren't really my thing."

Aoshi nodded slightly in agreement.

"_Jou-chan_ will be there," Sanosuke barely managed to hide a grin at his friend's considering frown.

"Sagara, how do you know that?"

"Aoshi, I date her sister. Of course I would know that the whole _Hajime_ clan is going to be there. Plus, her twin brother's in the frat with me."

Kenshin winced, his mind traveling bach to his brief encounter with the scowling boy. "What fun."

"Oh, please, Kenshin. To get with someone like a _Hajime_ sister, you need to be a man and go out on a limb."

Aoshi snorted. "And how is it that you managed to get yourself someone like _Hajime-san_?"

Sanosuke shrugged nonchalantly. "Easy. I had my style. I had my connections."

Kenshin laughed. "You probably ended up spilling beer all over her and offering to clean it up."

Sanosuke smiled, his eyes lighting with mischief. "Nah. I used to date her sister."

"_What?"_

Sanosuke let out an 'oomph' as he smashed into the shocked boy.

Aoshi held up his hands in what he hoped looked like a placating gesture. His eyes were solid ice. "Which sister, Sagara?"

Sanosuke laughed and tried unsuccessfully to wipe his hair out of his eyes. "Does it matter? I'm with Megumi now. The past is the past. _Hakuna Mat_--"

His voice died down into a gurgle as Aoshi grasped the boy by his neck and hoisted him swiftly above his head.

"Which one, Sanosuke?"

Kenshin knew the answer. "You went out with Kaoru?"

Aoshi let him down. Sanosuke used the brief silence to massage his burning throat.

Sanosuke lifted his hands, palm up. "I suppose."

"But...why?"

He smiled suddenly, and his teeth flashed in the dim light of the street light. "_Because you weren't ready yet."_

Aoshi watched the proceedings with a sense of interested detachment.

Kenshin stared, unnerved by the almost predatory gleam in his friend's darkening eyes. "What?"

Sanosuke smirked, amused. "_You don't remember? You honestly forget?"_

_A promise in death._

Kenshin gaped. Aoshi was silent. Sanosuke threw back his head and roared with laughter.

"_You were always afraid to face the truth, Kenshin."_

* * *

"_Coward." The boy's eyes were filled with pain. "Coward! You and Shinomori both. You have no one to blame for your pain but yourselves."_

_Kenshin's eyes were dull and blank. "Sanosuke."_

"_Don't!"_ _he snarled. "Don't!"_

_The rurouni fell silent._

"_You killed her."_

_Kenshin's wince of pain did nothing to stop the taller boy's rage. _

"_You bastard. You coward." Sanosuke choked it out, tears beginning to stream from his eyes. "All you had to do was tell the truth."_

_Kenshin said nothing. Sanosuke gripped the smaller man by the gi, lifting him and shaking him, his voice rising with his sorrow. _

"_All you had to do was TELL THE TRUTH!"_

_Sanosuke let Kenshin fall to the ground unceremoniously, turning to grip his zanbatou. He pointed the blunt tip towards his friend. _

"_You think you have everyone fooled. You think that everyone sees you as some kind of tragic hero. Poor Kenshin. Poor, valiant Kenshin. But I know better."_

_Kenshin didn't get up. "Sanosuke..." It was like a plea._

"_Why?" his words were harsh, his eyes full of betrayal. "I don't understand. You loved her. Yahiko loved her. I loved her."_

_There was a silence, filled with pain and hurt. _

"_And you took her away."_

"_Kaoru-dono chose--"_

"_NO!" Sanosuke swung his arm, putting the blunt edge directly between the rurouni's pained violent eyes. Kenshin didn't blink._

"_No," the boy's words were spaced and deliberate. "That's bull. Do you understand me? She would never do something like that."_

"_Sanosuke, you're drunk and not thinking clearly."_

"_Someone killed her. Someone stabbed her. Jou-chan would _never_ leave us that way."_

"_Sanosuke, I found her--" Kenshin trailed off, his troubled eyes searching his memory. Had something not seemed odd to him that morning? _

_Nothing had been the same since. Nothing ever would be. _

_So what did it matter?_

"_Fight me!"_

_The rurouni's head shot up, and an odd gleam crept into his gaze._

"_Damn it, fight me!" Sanosuke raged, swinging his zanbatou crazily. "Coward! Pick up your sword!"_

_Kenshin straightened his shoulders and picked up his fallen sakabatou. Smiling an odd little half smile, he stood. And waited. _

_The taller boy roared in anguish, raising his zanbatou and swinging it with all his might. Kenshin threw his arms out to the side and waited for the blow. _

_It threw the small man back about fifty feet. He laid there, motionless. _

_There was silence._

_Then Sanosuke screamed and rushed over to the fallen warrior._

_It was over quickly. That much Kenshin was thankful for, even if he didn't deserve it._

_Sanosuke stood above his fallen friend, watching the life seep slowly out of his blank eyes. A peaceful look settled over the rurouni's face, and he reached for his friend's hand. _

_The spiky haired boy wept, his eyes filled with confusion. "Why? Why? You could have easily avoided that. I was going so slow..."_

"_Sanosuke," Kenshin whispered, his eyes gaining a sort of spark. "Why would I want to?"_

_The boy gaped at his friend. "I'll go get Megumi. You'll be fine. I'll go..."_

"_No, please."_ _Kenshin sighed deeply, the sound full of relief. "I want this. You were right. I am a coward. I do not want to be alone."_

_Sanosuke bowed his head, his tears falling on clenched fists. "You can't die. Jou...Kaoru wouldn't have let you."_

_Kenshin nodded slowly, feeling the welcome pain creep over him. "I hope...I hope that I see her. If there is such a thing as an afterlife. I would like to tell her the truth."_

"_Forgive me."_

"_There is nothing to forgive." Kenshin's voice was quiet, but surprised. "I just ask for one thing."_

_There was a silence, punctuated by Sanosuke's harsh sobs. Kenshin's breaths began to slow._

"_Anything."_

"_If there is such a thing as a second chance..." Kenshin trailed off. _

_Sanosuke grasped his friend's cold hand in his, eyes hard with determination. "I promise I will help you find happiness."_

Sanosuke smiled and slapped a friendly hand on the still gaping Kenshin's shoulder.

"_I always keep my promises_."

* * *

_I ask but one thing of you, only one,_

_...never stay your hand. Never hold back._

_And we will wish for each other's future. _

* * *

_Author's Note:_

I know that there are probably going to be a lot of outraged cries from readers, so I'm going

use this time to try to alleviate fears.

Yes, Sanosuke killed Kenshin. But not on purpose, and not because he wanted to. He tells Kenshin straight out that he went slow on the blow, expecting the rurouni to dodge it. It was Kenshin who stood still, and let himself be hit. Sanosuke's rage is understandable, but it is **not hate**. He still loves Kenshin– so much that he devotes himself to the promise he made. Devotes himself enough to be reincarnated to fufill it.

Second, Kenshin wanted Sanosuke to hit him. He doesn't blame his friend in any way. I know that something like that makes him out to be some sort of coward, who cannot cope so he commits suicide. And you can see it that way and still be right. I just ask you to consider a different view. (**I do not IN ANY WAY condone suicide**)Kenshin believes Kaoru to have killed herself. To live with the pain of knowing that you could have prevented the death of someone you love...

To be short, Kenshin seeks redemption in death. He wishes for her forgiveness. He puts his trust in an afterlife or a reincarnation so that he can right his wrongs again and tell Kaoru how he truly feels.

Anyways, I hope you like it! The idea just flowed into my head, and as I was writing it, I just knew it would be very controversial, but went ahead with it. I knew that I would have to kill Kenshin in the past, and, to be honest, I was heartbroken by the idea that Kenshin would be killed off by an enemy who would gloat over his defeat.

( PS— we know why Sanosuke was reincarnated!)

Until next time... :)


	18. Drown

_If I could do it all again..._

_I would make you happy. No more mistakes. No more wasted time._

_No more tears._

"No."

"But--"

"Absolutely not. No way."

Megumi rolled her eyes and delicately lifted her shoulders, white silk rustling with every movement. "Okita, you're being such a bore. And for heaven's sakes, stop covering your eyes."

The boy stubbornly huffed, his hands placed firmly over said eyes. "No."

She delicately kicked her brother's shin, smiling in grim satisfaction as he yelped in discomfort and tried to clutch at his leg.

Silence.

Misao watched the both of them expectantly.

"Agh! It _burns_! It _burns_!" The brother frantically covered his face and whirled around. "Misao! Take that off! Don't you have a turtleneck or something? Layers! Layers are in fashion, aren't they? Lots of layers!"

"Oh, honestly, Okita..."

"No! You wouldn't let me say anything about your dress, but for _kami's _sake, Meg, that is NOT a dress, it's a handkerchief!"

The petit girl glanced at her reflection again, frowning and running her slim hands down the length of the material as she bounced gently on the bed. The slip of a dress that Megumi had produced from her closet had a dangerously plunging neckline that had forced Tokio to haul Saitou out of Megumi's room by the ear before he woke the neighborhood with his bellowing. It was made of green satin that clung like a lover to the slender girl's curves, ending abruptly an inch above the knee.

"I think it looks okay. I guess that Megumi's a little taller than I am..."

Megumi shook her head. "I think it looks perfect. No boy in their right mind will be able to--"

Okita's face went purple. "Don't talk about stuff like that in front of me!"

Kaoru laughed gaily as she sauntered into the room, eyes lit with mischief. "_Ni-chan_, you're going to have a heart attack before you graduate college."

"No thanks to you, you evil excuse for a twin." Okita turned to look at her, eyes bugging out of his head. "And what the hell do you think you're--"

"Sou-_chan_!" Misao suddenly squealed, leaping down from the bed she was posing on, arms outstretched. Laughing, the boy caught her, stumbling slightly as she kissed him loudly on the cheek.

"Soujiro-_kun_, perfect," Megumi grinned. "Tell my little brother that the dress is perfect."

The boy stepped back, still smiling. Without a word, he wrapped his windbreaker securely around the shorter girl, zipping it up in one fluid motion. "It's perfect."

Exasperated, Megumi threw up her hands. "It's perfect. She's wearing it. You guys are worse than Dad, for the love of God!"

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE WEARING!"

Kaoru pouted, spinning slowly for Megumi. "Don't you think it works? Too much for a frat party?"

"TOO LITTLE!"

They both ignored him. Megumi paused, speculatively circling her younger sister, lips pursed. She grinned. The neckline might have been modest enough to please even Saitou, but the red number was even shorter than Misao's, halting at mid thigh. "I love it."

Okita groaned, falling face first onto the bed. Soujiro grinned.

"You guys are always interesting. I should visit more often."

* * *

The building throbbed with the pumping music, bodies swaying and crashing into each other. Misao tried to see around the mob as they struggled through, but could barely see over her brother's shoulder. 

"_Kitsune_!" Sanosuke wrapped a long arm around the girl, grinning as she whacked his chest in annoyance. "You're late!"

Megumi had to yell to be heard above the chorus of laughter, catcalls and drunken babbling. "Fashionably late. There's a difference, _tori atama_."

"What difference?" He placed a possessive hand on her slim waist, scowling darkly at a random inebriated men who stumbled past. "_Che, Kitsune_, did you have to wear something like that to a fraternity party? Don't you have any sense in that glossy head?"

Megumi gave an elegant snort, flipping her hair nonchalantly over her shoulder. "Oh, please. You never have any problem when I wear this kind of stuff for--"

"Lalalalalala...I'm not listening. Lalalalala," Okita babbled, clamping his hands stubbornly over his ears.

Misao rolled her eyes as she listened to the inevitable banter between the fox and the rooster. Soujiro hovered by her elbow, amused by the show.

Kaoru had somehow slipped away and had already found herself a dance partner, Misao mused as she sipped at the drink Sou-_chan_ had gotten for her, a little envious of the freedom given to her older sister. She had a sneaking suspicion that her brother had something to do with the fact that Soujiro was hanging like a watchdog at her side.

"Sou-_chan,_ I'm almost twenty years old. I should hope that I am able to take care of any inebriated idiot who tries to come onto me," she huffed.

The boy smiled and shrugged, wisely deciding to leave out the fact that his best friend ordered him to keep watch. "Sorry, Mi-_chan_, but Shinbi's not here yet. You don't want me to be alone, do you?"

She scowled in response.

She felt a tap on her shoulder and turned, armed with an expectant smile on her lips. It faded.

She nodded and took another gulp of her drink, hoping that she didn't look as nervous as she felt. "Shinomori-_san_."

He inclined his head in return, his gaze lighting. "Misao."

Soujiro looked from one stony face to the other, clearing his throat hesitantly when he found himself looking up at ice blue eyes.

"He's a friend of my brother," Misao anticipated the question, her face dark with annoyance. "And my babysitter for the night."

Aoshi raised an eyebrow in question. Soujiro merely smiled and shrugged, bowing slightly. "Hi. Seta Soujiro."

He bowed. "Seta-_san._" Turning to the frowning girl, he offered a hand, keeping his eyes politely on her face. His voice was smooth and low, intimate. "Dance with me?"

Her eyebrows disappeared into her bangs, and she cocked her head to the side as she considered her options. There was barely enough room on the floor to dance without being alarmingly close to your partner. Megumi and Sanosuke were even closer than usual. Okita was laughing with some girl she didn't recognize. Kaoru _did_ look bored with the frat boy she was dancing with, but at least she wasn't standing by the punch bowl. Still...she opened her mouth to decline but noticed something that she had missed. Soujiro radiated disapproval.

Misao felt her lips twist up into a smirk. Something inside of her deflated as her inner rebellious side reared its ugly head.

_Oh...dear._

Lifting a shoulder in what she hoped came off in indifference instead of a quiet, buzzing anxiety, she passed her cup to the frowning Soujiro and placed her hand in Aoshi's larger one. Ignored the shrill scream in the back of her mind. Tried not to wrench her limb away as a bolt of electricity shot up her arm.

"Why not?"

It was an odd sensation, she mused as he led her past rocking bodies, to feel as if you were making the worst mistake of your life and making the best decision of your life at the same time.

* * *

Kaoru put on her best smile as she mentally reviewed ways to amputate her dance partner's wandering hand. 

/If he moves his hand any lower, I'm going in for the kill/

The hand moved.

Kaoru felt her eye twitch. She opened her mouth, murderous intentions written clearly on her face...

And closed it shut as an arm slithered across her stomach. A warm hand cupped her cheek and turned her head, pulling her out of her partner's grasp.

Sandalwood and ginger.

Something inside of her recoiled immediately, an old mixture of shock, anger and sorrow swirling in the pit of her stomach.

_Kenshin._

He kissed her then, long and hard in front of the bewildered fraternity brother. Breaking away with great reluctance, he pulled her back fully against his chest and grinned at her stupor as she slowly sank into him, her mind blissfully blank.

"_Hello. Did I make you wait long?"_

His breath was hot against her ear, and she felt her mouth drop open in disbelief.

"Oh, hey, man," the other boy raised his hands in what he hoped was a placating gesture. Kaoru slowly turned to see...Kyle? Keith?...gradually step back. She felt as if she were in a daze. "I didn't know she was taken."

"_Quite all right,_" His voice was deceptively soft. "_If you don't mind, though, you see...you are staring."_

"Oh!" Kaoru watched the other man close his eyes obediently. He backed away at a record pace. "No problem, man. You go...and uhm...yeah. Nice meeting you, Kaoru."

She watched the frightened boy stumble away and forced herself to snap back to reality. Her eyes widened in rage.

"_Itai_,"Kenshin winced as she mercilessly yanked on his hair.

"What. Are. You. DOING!" she shrieked, her face flaming. She turned and pushed against his chest in vain.

Golden eyes were heavy lidded as he smiled, slow and sly. "_I think Kevin figured it out. Can't you?"_

She checked the urge to scream, knowing her brother would be over in a heartbeat if he sensed anything wrong. "You cannot just keep– keep groping me in public!"

"_Why not?"_

"Because!" She stomped her foot, and he thought it adorable. "I don't know you!"

The smile that had been forming on his face vanished, and the mischief in his eyes faded into sadness.

"_Don't you?"_

"I– that is to say--" she closed her eyes and tried very hard not to give into her murderous urges. "Agh! Leave me alone! You're insane! And it's contagious! You're driving _me_ insane!"

"_Kaoru, I have to talk to you."_

"Stay the _hell_ away from me!" she shrieked. Realized belatedly that the song had throbbed to a low pulse. The people around them fell silent, startled. Across the room, Okita turned in mid laugh, his eyes narrowing in consideration.

Kenshin blinked and at once his eye color had changed into a pained violet. Kaoru choked down a sudden sob, her mind whirling.

"Kaoru-_dono_, I have--"

"No, please," she whispered, backing away. "Please, just...leave me alone right now."

Gaze pained, he watched her slip away.

_I can't let her go...not again. Not again._

His fist clenched, nails biting into his skin.

_Not again. _

* * *

Megumi didn't miss the way her sister's hands shook as she grasped a cup from the table. Her heart ached for an unknown memory as she cupped Kaoru's tear streaked face in her pale hands. 

"Poor baby," she murmured, tenderly brushing her sister's unruly bangs out of her eyes. "Do you want Sanosuke to drive us home early?"

Kaoru nodded, her eyes wide and unseeing. And, Megumi noticed uneasily, slowly deepening into a frightening color.

"_Oi_," Sanosuke drawled, the only outward sign of his worry the slight frown in his normally twinkling gaze. "_Jou-chan_, since when do your irises turn silver?"

Kaoru stared blankly for a moment before blinking rapidly. The encroaching gray was banished and the teenagers were all left shaken and confused.

_What was that?_

"Kaoru."

She turned slowly and fought the urge to run away. Or hide behind Sanosuke. Instead she offered a shaky smile.

"Hello, Enishi."

The white haired boy smiled and reached out, brushing a callused hand across her trembling cheek. "You look beautiful tonight."

Behind them, Sanosuke snarled, and was restrained by a worried Megumi.

Kaoru was paralyzed. She opened her mouth, but no words came out.

He looked at her over his tinted shades, his smile slowly fading. Suddenly, he had Kaoru's hand in a nearly painful grip. She bit her lip in order to keep from crying out.

Megumi contemplated letting Sanosuke go, her blood red lips tugging down in a grimace that erupted from something deep inside of her.

Enishi was obliivous to the growing tension. His eyes were eerily focused on Kaoru.

"I know that you're listening to me," he murmured, his eyes suddenly young and sad.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she whispered. Her stomach lurched as he moved closer.

"Beautiful, Kaoru," he breathed, leaning in close enough to thread his fingers through her hair, to place his arm around her rigid waist. "I've been waiting for you to come back to me. Waiting for so long...I've been so lonely..."

Kaoru felt sick, but she made no move and said nothing. Something deep inside of her was sad.

_Must it always be like this? _

"Kaoru..." the boy trailed off, noticing something behind her. His lips tugged upwards in a gleeful smile. She barely had time to wonder about it before his grip turned once again painful. She winced as his fingers dug into her scalp, as his nails gripped her hip enough to feel the bone.

Enishi's lips touched the shell of her ear. She tugged a hand free to strike him, but faltered at his words.

"Do you honestly believe that this is only the second time, love? That the last time was the first time he's turned away? The only time you died alone?"

They looked at each other, her eyes wary, his wistful.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

He merely smiled. "You can't run forever, Kaoru. Don't you want to know? Know why you're having blackouts, why you're having dreams? Why you hate Himura so much?"

Dimly, she saw Sanosuke growl something and shrugg his girlfriend off, his face murderous.

_But_...

Answers did seem tempting.

_No, little one._

Scratch that. Answers seemed essential for her sanity.

She met the heavy lidded gaze and nervously ran her tongue over her lips. He noticed and smirked his approval, leaning closer than she really thought he had the nerve to. Something inside of her flared, and she viciously fought down the urge to wipe that smug look off of his face.

Then his smile morphed into a snarl.

"_Jou-chan_!" Sanosuke sounded worried. Turning, Kaoru saw why.

Kenshin looked angry, she mused distractedly, still contemplating methods of homicide. His eyes were yellow too. Not a good sign.

She gasped, eyes widening in alarm. His eyes were golden.

_Battousai. _

_Caught between Scylla and Charybdis, I drown in your gaze and whisper…Love me again._

* * *

_AUTHOR'S NOTE_

_OK! You guys, I'm truly sorry for the long hiatus on this particular fic. I'm sure htat you're all wondering why I took so long to update, especially isnce I just released a Sailor Moon oneshot the other day. To catti-dono: I have every intention of completeing this fic. Don't worry. _

_To be honest, I've been out of the country all summer, and now I'm in college. That doesn't leave a lot of time for my fanfiction. T-T So I'm trying the best I can. Please be patient. And if you send me an email, please don't be mean about it. Try to understand that I am now a college student and I'm very busy. _

_So, with that said, I hope that you like this chapter. I had it written up before I left, but it kind of …sucked. So I rewrote it. I hope it doesn't suck as much as the first version did!_

_I know that the mood of this chapter is a little different...but I'm recently coping with a death in the family. And, surprisingly enough, I try to write funny, stupid stuff when I'm hurting. And sometimes I write angsty stuff when I hurt. (Note_ Rain Song _This just happened to be the chapter that I didn't want to overfill with angst, least it turn into a soap opera. _

_Oh, and scylla and charybdis is derived from greek mythology. Basically, it translates into the more modern saying "caught between a rock and a hard place." Sounds better this way, ne?_

_Ciao, _

_Me_


	19. too little, too late

_How do I move on…_

_When all I am is you?_

Misao felt an insane urge to run screaming out the door. She covered it with a shaky smile as the upperclassman drew her closer to his chest. She could feel his touch burn into her skin, and instantly cursed her expressive eyes.

/Stupid slow songs. Where's heavy metal music when you need it/

Aoshi said nothing as he watched her bite her lip.

She felt an elbow in her side and winced, twisting with a sharp retort ready on her tongue.

"Whoa! Mi-_chan_. You sure look grown up tonight."

Something inside flared, morphing her annoyed expression into something entirely different. Her smile warmed, a different color started to bleed into the aquamarine of her pupils. The boy didn't notice. Aoshi's arms grew stiff around her waist.

He did.

"You approve?"

Okita would have gladly strangled his frat brother had he been aware of the thoughts rushing through the man's head. Aoshi's eyes threatened murder.

The boy was oblivious. "Oh, yeah. Hell, if I wasn't so terrified of your brother, I'd eat you right--"

Misao arched an elegant brow, a smirk tugging at the corner of her mouth. Her voice was not her own. "_Ni-chan's not here right now, is he_?"

Aoshi's expression turned threatening as the boy's glazed stare brightened. "Yeah, yeah, that's true."

_Don't do anything stupid, kid. _

He slid an unsetady arm around Miao's waist in what he apparently saw as a smooth manuever. A slight sneer of disgust twisted her pink lips, but her expression did not otherwise change as the boy's long fingers dug artlessly into the green material.

Aoshi sighed. _Pity. _

After this, he mused, he probably wouldn't be invited back.

* * *

Megumi figured that, after this, fraternity parties were simply no longer an option for a family outing. This, she cooly informed her boyfriend of as she tugged him away by the ear. 

"Aw, _kitsune,_ it ain't like anyone got killed!" Sanosuke protested. His pout quickly transformed into a howl of pain as she dug the tip of her high heel into his shin and jabbed a well polished nail into his chest.

"Okay, _OKAY_!" Sanosuke resumed his pouting. "But that doesn't hardly count-- they're still in a stand off, no blood. Ow! You don't have to--"

"They're in a stand off over _my sister_, you idiot!" she hissed, fighting the urge to rap the man in front of her with her purse. "As if Kaoru didn't have enough problems dating with mister Super Twin over--" Her words faltered suddenly, and her already porcelain face grew even whiter.

Sanosuke decided that he wanted to live more than he wanted to laugh at his girlfriend's panic, and thus pointed helpfully to the Hajime boy, whose face had gone-- upon realizing the situation-- from curious to shocked to stormy in the course of only a few seconds.

"Okita looks…slightly sane. I wouldn't worry too much."

Megumi sighed and decided that another drink couldn't hurt.

* * *

Well, Kaoru mused, this sucked. 

The whole dance floor seemed to be able to sense the tension, edging cautiously away from the trio. Enishi glanced at the frightened faces and cocked his head, considering.

"It seems that you've killed the party, Battousai," he smiled. "Shame, really."

He wasn't amused, and Kaoru swallowed nervously at the almost crazed look that flashed in his grim gaze.

"Get away from her, Enishi."

The smile bloomed into a smirk. "Ah…No?"

She nearly stepped back herself when the shorter man made a calculated, threatening move forward. Enishi's grin never wavered.

"Get. Away. I won't ask again."

The white haired boy laughed. The sound echoed through the room unnaturally, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

Kaoru pulled away, surprised when he let her go without a struggle. His eyes never left hers.

"It seems only fair, Battousai," he murmured, "that we should be even."

Kenshin's lips drew up in a smile that radiated danger. "Oh?"

"After all, we have been up until this life. You had her. I had her. I killed her." His smile broadened. "You killed her."

Kenshin's eyes flashed. "_Tread carefully, Enishi."_

"The truth hurts, doesn't it?" Perfect, white teeth gleamed. "To hear that you're on the same level as I am?"

"_Shut up._"

The boy continued, malice glinting behind his tinted shades. "As I was saying…we should be even. You kissed her…"

Kaoru winced as her chin was gripped roughly between his fingers. Her face was jerked up, her gaze forced to meet his. His breath ghosted over her lips.

"In the name of fairness, I should be able to kiss her as well, no?"

The redhead's hand shot out, faster than she could see, and gripped the taller man's throat, slamming him into the wall. Kaoru screamed. Enishi merely smirked, his glasses knocked askew.

"No? You could have just said so, Battousai. Always showing off."

As if disgusted, Kenshin abruptly let go, causing him to fall in a crumpled heap. Kaoru instinctly moved to help the wheezing boy, but stilled when she felt a firm hand grasp her arm.

"_Don't."_

She sputtered in outrage as she found herself being hauled away, and let out an _oomph_ as she found herself being hauled out of the room and pushed not so gently against a wall.

She gaped at the burning gaze. "Kenshin, don't be ridiculous--"

Anger and hurt sharpened his glare. "_Would you choose him over me?"_

"Kenshin, you're--"

"_Do you hate me that much?"_

She tried in vain to break his hold, but he would not budge. His bangs fell over his expressive eyes as he bowed his head, but it could not hide the anguish in his voice.

"_Don't let him touch you." _The hand that gripped her arm trembled and he drew in a shaking breath. "_I don't know what I would do if I lost you again."_

She found herself hesitantly reaching out to cover his larger hand with her own, drawing in a quick breath as she found herself held tightly up against his shaking form.

_Don't. _

Blue eyes clashed with amber as she nervously cleared her throat.

"Kenshin, I…"

"_Do you truly not remember?"_

He was close enough to kiss, she mused, and flushed brightly. Still…she found herself unable to move, even as he cupped her cold cheek in his free hand and leaned closer.

_Don't._

And for once, she ignored the warning.

Kenshin's other hand moved slowly from her arm to the warm skin that the dress left bare. Her eyes fluttered shut and her breath quickened as she pressed closer, as she felt the slight, tentative brush of his lips.

Closer…

_Don't._

Heavy footsteps broke the silence.

She jumped back. His eyes snapped open, the amber flaming with annoyance.

"Kaoru, are you--" Sanosuke paused, debating whether to run and hide or hit himself and save his friend the trouble. "Oh…yeah, I should have knocked or something, shouldn't I? Course there're no doors, but, you know, I should have…done something. Is this a bad time?"

"_Go away, Sanosuke_," Kenshin growled, his eyes still on Kaoru's bewildered face, his hands still holding her close, despite her protests.

"Uh," Sanosuke sheepishly put his hand behind his head, laughing nervously. "I would, but…Mr. Super Twin is on his way and he's not looking 100 sane, so I'd suggest--"

Kaoru gasped, her efforts to get free doubling. If Okita saw this, he'd kill Kenshin for sure-- after all, he took after their father.

"_This isn't finished, Kaoru_." He whispered, brushing a soft kiss on her cheek, causing her to grow still in shock. "_This isn't finished."_

She stood there, her hand coming up to gingerly touch the cheek he touched. She felt her brother's exasperated voice demand answers as he tugged her away.

But all she saw was him.

* * *

"_If I died--"She was so caught up in her own thoughts that she missed the pained flash come and go in his quiet gaze. "If I died, Kenshin, what do you think would happen?"_

_The water sloshed gently as he wrung out the laundry, his fingers tense against the cloth. "Why such dark thoughts on such a beautiful day, Kaoru-dono?" he murmured. _

_What would you do? She longed to ask. The words were on the tip of her tongue. Would you cry for me? _

"_My life is such a small thing," she mused. _

_He sneaked a glance at her and was surprised by the brightness of her eyes. Turning back, he missed the tears the leaked out._

"_If you loved someone…" She shook her head and leaned back against the smooth wood of the dojo, her eyes distant and thoughtful. "I mean, really cared for someone, what would you do if they left?"_

_He smiled the smile that didn't quite reach his eyes and moved to hang up the kimono. The bright silk flapped gently in the breeze, and they both relished the peace. _

_He held out a hand to her, looking away at something only he could see as she took it and stood. _

"_I would follow, de gozaru."_

"_For how long?"_

"_No one wants to be alone, Kaoru-dono." _

_And then he smiled, and walked away.

* * *

_

Aoshi decided that he was getting soft.

The offender was curled up in a ball. Aoshi nudged him a bit with the tip of his shoe, nodding in satisfaction as the boy moaned.

"_I think he's still breathing, at least," _Misao droned, struggling to inject censure into her voice. "_Do all of your first impressions go this well?"_

She made no sound as the irritated man yanked her so her dispassioned eyes met his ice.

"Do you think this is funny?" His voice was deceptively even.

She smiled slowly, unaware of the tightening in his chest at the look in her blank eyes. "_Don't you?"_

"Is this a game to you?" he bit out.

_You're tearing me apart…_

Her smile slipped and she moved to turn out of his grasp, "_No."_

Panic sliced through him, blinding. He followed her.

"_Don't play with me, Misao." _

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. _"I don't play games." _

"_Then what are you doing?" _She stopped, but didn't turn around. His heart swelled with emotion. "_Is this your way of punishing me? Of making me pay for what I did to you?"_

She didn't answer, but he didn't miss the slight tremble that shook her stiff form.

"_I'm sorry, Misao."_

He risked reaching out, touching the shaking flesh of her shoulder. "_I'm sorry."_

"_Why?"_

"_I wasn't there."_

"_I was dying. There was nothing you could have done." _She shrugged his hand off angrily. "_Do you think you're God now? I don't need your apologies."_

"_I could have been there." _A man of few words, he found himself struggling for the right ones. "_I could have helped you."_

"_With what?"_

"_I…" _Frustrated, he balled his hands into fists that lay useless at his side. "_Damn it, Misao, look at me!"_

She turned, and he wished she hadn't. Her tears ripped at him, and he gaped, not knowing what to do.

"_What could you have done, Okashira?"_

"_I…I could have given you the truth. I should have told you that I--"_

She laughed. Slowly at first, but with gradually increased feeling. She clutched at her stomach, letting the giggles roll out. "_Do you think that it matters?"_

"_Misao, I--"_

"_I would have killed for the truth then. I have no such need for it now."_

"_Misao--"_

She sauntered slowly away, the cold click of her heels echoing in the empty hallway. Pausing briefly, she murmured, "_You disappoint me, Aoshi-sama. Do you honestly think that life is a game? That if you make a mistake, you can press the Reset button and everything would be all right?"_

He said nothing. Could say nothing over the pain in his chest.

"_Just because you're sorry, you think that in this round, I am supposed to fall into your arms? It isn't a game. There is no reset button." _

Tears fell, unheeded by the both of them.

"_Sometimes, Aoshi-sama…sometimes you just lose."_

_What I wouldn't do for a second chance…

* * *

_

_AN_

_Ahh! I am so sorry about the delay T-T I've been really busy with tests and homework (college work sucks T-T), but I made myself sit down for an hour and write this chapter out before someone killed me. -- Anyways, I hope that you guys like it! _

_Oh, and whoever left me a message on my website, thank you! I love getting comments on my blog-- it really motivates me _

Up next: more angst…more revealed about Enishi's past….and a drunken Kaoru!


	20. Conflict

_What if there's no second chance?..._

Sanosuke figured that between an angry Megumi and a working towards psychotic Okita, death would be a merciful punishment.

"How…how was I supposed to know?" he protested, cupping large hands over his vulnerable ears.

Okita felt his eye start to twich and resisted strangling the taller boy. "Is there anything in that humongous head of yours? If I hit you, would I hear rattling?"

"Why don't you test it out?" Kaoru's sipped absently from her cup, the red plastic crinkling under her tensing and untensing fingers.

The youngest Hajime stumbled to the table, licking her lips nervously, reaching for a cup and spalshing the punch in. Her eyes were haunted, too dark. The strap of her dress was hanging dangeroulsy off of her shoulder, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Misao?" Megumi's cinnamon eyes narrowed in concern. "Misao, where have you been?"

The slim girl shrugged, running a small hand over her drawn face. "Is it time to go home yet?"

"Have you been crying?" Okita's rage meter was beginning to rise again. "What happened?"

The girl rubbed vigorously at her eyes. "Nothing."

"Nothing my--"

"_I said nothing." _Misao snarled, her eyes flashing dangerously. As her siblings stared in shock, she slapped a hand over her mouth, eyes impossibly wide in a suddenly pale face. Stammering an apology, she dashed for the door. Okita and Megumi exchanged a brief look before following.

Silence.

"Well, damn," Sanosuke ran a calloused hand through his hair. "This night isn't exactly turning out the way I expected."

Kaoru eyed her slighlty dented cup and thumped it against his broad chest. "Keep these coming, Sagara. Something tells me it isn't going to get better."

* * *

Chewing thoughtfully on the stem of his turquoise shades, Enishi leaned back in his chair almost to the point of falling over.

"It was close today," he mused. "I almost got her."

"Liar."

"Shut up."

"She's scared of you."

They would have to fix that.

"She left with Battousai."

She would have to pay for that.

"She's never going to be yours."

He let out a roar of rage, springing to his feet and making his way across the room to face the speaker.

"You dare defy me?"

"She doesn't love you."

"Shut up!"

The sound of laughter sparked the white haired boy's anger.

"And what are you going to do if I don't?"

Enishi's fists clenched, but he made no move. His hands had been badly damaged last time he had lashed out. The bastard smirked, though his eyes were weary and sad.

"It would do you well to remember your place. Those fools fear voices, when you and I both know that voices are the least of their problems."

"Does it frighten you?"

"Shut up."

"Scared?"

"Watch it, child."

"You might have beaten me, but I'm not going to sit back and watch anymore."

"I hate to remind you that you really have no choice."

"I beg to differ." Sarcasm.

"You should be on your hands and knees thanking me!"

"For ruining my life?"

"For turning your pathetic life around. You were nothing before me."

"You sonofabitch. You come into my life and completely take over and you expect gratitude?"

"Be careful."

"Or you'll do what?"

Enishi raised his eyes to meet the defiant gaze. The speaker smiled, placing a hand on the barrier between them. His grin turned feral and, Enishi stepped back, shaken. Cursing his momentary weakness, he screamed and lashed out at the wall that seperated them.

_But Enishi, what can you do against me?_

The mirror smashed with a satisfying crash against the floor. But the boy's voice remained.

"We are, after all, the same."

* * *

"I mean, what the hell, right? If the guy wants to talk, talk. Why with all the touching and the staring and the eyes and the sad sh--"

Sanosuke nodded, too busy trying to figure out a way to avoid being killed to really devote all of his attention to the girl at his side.

Who was, oddly enough, entertaining an uninterested pole with the story of her life.

"And if he thinks it's going to work on me, he's got another think coming because I am so smarter than that and I don't care if he's hot or whatever because as far as I'm concerned, I think he's nuts and I am so over dating crazy people--"

Sanosuke tried not to take that too personally. After all--

"--And hey! Are you listening to me? I'm talking to you here!"

--Kaoru was drunk. Sagara figured that this would be something to tell the grandchildren. Maybe not to Okita, or else he wouldn't live long enough to tell the grandchildren, but this was something that would make someone laugh nonetheless. Much later. When death didn't loom so closely. A loud thump interrupted the tall boy's musings, followed by a sharp hiss of surprised pain.

_Oh, damnit_.

"Did you just hit the pole, _jou-chan_?"

Large blue eyes were rapidly filling with tears. "He wouldn't listen to me!"

"_Jou-chan_, it's a telephone--" The boy sighed and decided that reasoning with a drunken person probably wouldn't do any good. "I'm sorry. The thing's a jerk. Tell you what: I'll listen to you on the way home."

A pout. "No."

Maybe he should just kick himself and save Megumi the trouble. "Kaoru--"

"Sanosuke?"

_Kenshin. _

Both Sanosuke and Kaoru whirled around, Sanosuke with a panicked look on his face, and Kaoru with unreadable smile on her lips.

"Kenshin," Sanosuke choked out, "What are you doing here?"

"I was about to go home…but," Kenshin stepped closer, his violet eyes narrowing in thought. "Is Kaoru…drunk?"

"I most certaintly am not," she sniffed, tossing her head. The sudden movement seemed to throw her sense of balance off, however, and she was forced to sit down rather quickly or risk falling over.

Laughter, Sanosuke knew, would earn him a sharp rap on the head. So he wisely suppressed any as he propped her up against him. "Damn, _jou-chan_, you sure are a piece of work."

"What are you going to do?" Kenshin was more concerned than amused. But, Sanosuke mused, Kenshin had always been the wet blanket.

"What do you think I'm going to do, leave her here? I have to take her home, idiot."

"But your car--"

"No kidding. Aoshi was supposed to give me a ride, but I can't find him. So I'm walking her home."

Kenshin figured that he was losing his mind. "I'll drive her."

He had lost his mind. "What?"

"I'll drive her home. I mean, you're going to end up carrying her soon,she can barely walk."

"Are you crazy? Okita would have my head if I let her go home with you."

"She looks like she's ready to thow up."

Sanosuke considered that fact briefly. "Where'd you park?"

* * *

Yahiko slammed his textbook shut, annoyed and bored. Stupid Sanosuke. Stay home and do homework? Who had died and made him boss?

"Agh, I'm bored!" he shouted, irritated with the silence. "Stupid _Tori-atama!"_

The phone rang shrilly, jolting him out of dark thoughts involving rooster brothers and sharp objects. Taking a handful of chips from the bowl beside him on the desk, he shoved them in his mouth, snatched up the phone, and mumbled a greeting. The timid voice that replied was enough to have him choking violently on Sour Cream and Onion.

"T-T-T," he stammered intelligently, flushing when she stuttered a reply. "No, I'm not doing anything. What's up?"

He blanched. "Oh? Oh, sure." She had just called about the homework. "Yeah, no problem, I have it right here."

Rattling off the math numbers, he battled back the twinge of disappointment. Stupid, he knew. Why would she be calling him for anything else?

"Yeah, that's all. If you have anymore questions, I guess you can call me back." Yahiko frowned softly. Why wasn't she hanging up? Was he supposed to hang up first? Were they supposed to count to three and hang up together?

She spoke again, startling him out of his frantic review of teenage codes of telephone conduct. The dance. This Friday. He hadn't forgotten about it, right? Was he going?

"Oh, yeah, that. I don't know. Dances aren't really my thing," Yahiko winced. That would be an understatement. He had, unfortunately, inherited his brother's left foot in addition to his own.

"Oh." Her voice radiated disappointment. "Oh, I see."

Did she want him to ask her? Panic. His young fingers tensed on the abused potato chip bag, smashing the remaining ridges into crumbs.

Come on, Yahiko. Ask her. Don't be a coward.

* * *

"_Why don' t you tell him, Busu?"_

_Sharp pain. He yelped and rubbed his head with a dark scowl on his face. "What was that for?"_

_A playful smile that didn't seem to quite reach sapphire eyes. She smiled a lot more these days so he wouldn't worry, but he knew. He was hardly a child anymore, after all. _

_But he would let her have her dreams. _

"_Focus on your own life, kid."_

"_But yours is so much more interesting."_

_She laughed, and leaned on her bokken, blowing her hair out of her flushed face thoughtfully. "Is that so?"_

"_Why don't you just tell him? It isn't like Kenshin's going to make the first move. And with the speed you two are going, Sanosuke and Megumi'll be married before you guys get anywhere." _

_He laughed, expecting her to at least smile with him. It faded when he saw the flash of unguarded pain in her eyes. As soon as it came, it was gone, and she moved her shoulders to ward off hurt. _

_He felt ashamed. "I'm sorry, Kaoru."_

_Her eyes lit with surprise, and she reached out to tousle his hair. He loved her enough to let her. _

"_Yahiko." She sighed, shouldered her practice sword. "Don't be like me. Waiting. Wishing."_

_He followed her wistful gaze and almost hated the rurouni for hurting her. _

"_Don't be a coward."

* * *

_

Yahiko shook his head briefly, chasing away the mists. Took a deep breath.

"So, Tsubame,…about the dance…"

* * *

Kaoru had taken to giggling by the time they had managed to half drag, half carry her to Kenshin's Jeep. Sanosuke couldn't stop the stream of curses when her foot caught his shin as he lifted her into the passenger seat.

"Damn it, _jou-chan_, you're not exactly the lightest…"

"I'd suggest not finishing that," Kenshin warned, sticking the key into the car's ignition. "She's drunk, not deaf."

The younger boy simply sighed, reached over to fasten the seatbelt. "Be careful, and bring her home quickly. Okita gets home before you, we're all dead." He slammed the door closed.

Kenshin nodded absently. Kaoru started to lean forward to hug him, but nearly toppled out of the window. She blew him a kiss instead. Sanosuke laughed.

"Be careful, Kenshin!" Sanosuke couldn't help but worry as his friend gunned the engine. He was, after all, rather fond of his _kitsune's _little sisterAnd his neck. Which Megumi would most likely wring if she found out about this.

A loud honk shattered the tall boy's musings, causing him to look up in concern. Kenshin's Jeep had narrowly missed running into a pole.

_Oh, damn_.

Oh, yeah, he sighed. Okita was going to kill him.

* * *

As soon as the Jeep had left the curb, Kaoru had decided to experiment breathing. In Kenshin's ear. Yelping in shock, he leaned on the horn and nearly crashed into a telephone pole.

"What are you doing!"

She only laughed, raising her hands over her head in a lazy gesture that should not have made him want to hit his head against the steering wheel.

"Are you cold?"

Shaking her head, she reached out and brushed a questioning finger against his white knuckles. "Where are we going?"

Lord, help him.

"I'm taking you home."

Pout. "No more sake?"

Definetely not. "No."

"You're such a wet stick."

"Blanket."

"I said I wasn't cold."

"No, I mean…" Kenshin sighed, took one hand and ran it wearily over his face. "Never mind."

She stared at him in silence, her eyes flickering with an emotion that neither of them would have expected.

"I love your eyes."

Whatever he had expected, that certainly wasn't it. Said violet eyes widened in disbelief.

"What?"

She laughed then, and it was sad. "What? I can't say stuff like that?"

Kenshin bit his lip in order to keep from reaching out. Just to touch. Just to feel.

"They're gold now," she informed him, laughing again when his hands tightened even more on the wheel. "Golden. I wonder how they do that."

His laugh was a little strained. "I'd like to know too, actually."

He felt his world tilt dangerously as his gaze met hers, and he frantically tried to figure out if it was the car that swerved or his heart. Belatedly, he realized that she had crawled in his lap.

"Why are they so sad?" she murmured, and threaded her fingers in his hair. She straddled his lap, touching her lips briefly to his, pressing against the horn. The blast shocked him back to reality. He dimly registered the metallic taste of blood.

The tires screeched in protest as he yanked the wheel and somehow pulled the car over to the sidewalk. She grunted briefly, a frown settling over her pretty features as she gingerly rubbed her offended back.

_No. _

Muttering an oath, Kenshin cuffed both of her wrists and locked them behind her, searching her face frantically. Her eyes gleamed for an instant, a smug smile playing on her lips. As if she knew what he was about to do.

_No. No, don't._

The kiss spoke nothing of the tenderness he had needed to give her before. He knew that neither of them would have welcomed it. Neither of them would have wanted it.

A sound was ripped from her lips, half laugh, half moan as he tore himself away and assulted her throat with teeth and tongue. Her hands twisted vainly against his hold, flexing against his fingers. Once. Twice.

Desperate, he ran his free hand over the trembling skin left bare by the slip she called a dress. He met her lips with his once more, sank into the heat.

And felt the splash of wetness on his skin.

Rearing back, he released her to touch shaking hands to his cheeks. She watched him, wordless, her swollen lips settling into another drunken smile. When she pressed forward, all invitation, he gripped her arms and pushed her back.

"We can't."

She lifted an eyebrow, her mouth opening and closing on a yawn. "Why?"

She nestled her head in the crook of his shoulder, and he wished fleetingly that it could all be easy.

"I can't."

Her eyes swirled, the tears still clinging to her lashes. "_Why?"_

He cupped her cheek in his hand, his heart in his eyes. "Because it's not real."

She blinked, and her eyes changed so quickly he wondered if he had imagined the flash of regret that had followed his choked words. Now they were simply laced with sleep. He couldn't prevent his arms snaking around her, could stop himself from pulling her tightly against him.

"Okay."

And as she slowly went limp, her breath fanning out over the skin of his throat, her hair tickling his flesh, he sat, awake and unseeing, a single tear burning its way down his cheek.

…_Would this be enough?_


	21. Repeat

_Would you belong to me?_

Misao wished desperately for a drink. Either that or a gag.

"Hajime Misao, are you listening to me?" Okita screeched. "You have some serious explaining to do, and I am not moving one centimeter until you speak to me!"

The younger girl sighed in irritation and simply twisted the volume dial, letting the loud bass drown out her brother's ranting. Her door continued to shake, however, signifying that Okita had not been discouraged in the least.

So be it. He had always been too stubborn for his own good. Like…like a dog and its bone. Like their father.

_Like a wolf?_

Misao fell back on her bed, the air gusting out of her lungs with a _whoosh_. She was, to say the least, confused. And frightened, though she would never admit that to anyone.

"Misao!"

Okita wanted an explanation? She smirked humorlessly. So would she, actually. Last night was a blur; another thing to add to the growing _Twilight Zone_ list.

"Blacking out cannot be healthy," she muttered, disgusted. And the spells seemed to be occurring more frequently. Ever since... she shot up, eyes wide…ever since she had met Shinomori-_san._

Even the thought of his name brought not only a fierce ache in her chest, but also a faint stirring in her mind, a shadow of memory that lurked just out of reach.

It was infuriating. Unacceptable. It was…

Misao was horrified to feel her eyes well up, and scrubbed furiously. Why the hell was she crying at a time like this?

_Don't cry._

A soft murmur caught her attention and her head snapped up, eyes alight with embarrassment at being caught at such a weak moment.

"Who's--"

Her eyes narrowed in confusion, her mouth a grim line. There was no one there.

"I'm going insane," she whispered, not willing to face how much truth the statement could hold. "Blacking out, hearing voices." She tried to laugh, but only managed a brief, choked sound.

_Misao._

She turned slowly, her breath trembling on suddenly pale lips. She held out an unsteady hand, long fingers outstretched. She sucked in a gasp as they met nothing but air.

Falling painfully to her knees, she looked up into eyes impossibly identical to her own. And screamed.

* * *

Kaoru shifted restlessly, eyes clamped shut in agitation as she managed to entangle herself further in the sweat dampened sheets. A brief whimper erupted from her lips, and her hands clenched and unclenched as tears trailed down her pale cheeks.

She hated to dream.

_He looked so beautiful, standing framed in the doorway, crimson hair askew. She ached to reach out, but kept her hand at her side for fear of him vanishing like a specter if __anything changed._

"_What is it, Kaoru-dono?" _

"_Did you…do you," she paused, not bothering to curse her own sense of stupidity. "Kenshin, do you lo--"_

"_Kaoru-dono," His voice was higher than usual, bordering on something she would have likened to panic, if she could delude herself once again. "It is getting dark, de gozaru. __Food! Dinner! Dinner must be--" Whatever else he would have said was lost to her as he disappeared to the sanctuary of the kitchen, leaving her staring at her hands with a bitter smile. _

_How stupid to hope for something so out of her reach. _

_Turning, she stiffened, meeting a sad, cruel smile. His eyes were pained behind tinted shades. He lifted a cold hand to her cheek. She felt rather than heard her name on his lips. _

"_Soon."_

_There was a white__ hot pain as his hand plunged inside to rip out her heart._

"_You can wake up now, Kaoru."_

She woke with a start, clutching at the sheets with a kind of panicked terror that clouded her eyes and blinded her. She dimly heard a voice calling her name over the dull roar in her ears, but was too far gone to care. Strong arms surrounded her, cradled her to a heat that nearly quieted the screams thundering throughout the haze. Kaoru welcomed the darkness with a sob.

* * *

Kenshin cradled the girl to his chest, absorbing her shudders and feeling the heat of her tears leaking into his shirt. A bitter smile crossed his pale face as he thought of the way she would react once she woke up the next morning. But after she passed out in his car, he found he couldn't just drop her at her house. Okita would kill him. And if the rumors were true about her father, Kenshin would probably welcome death.

Kaoru screamed then, a wretched sound that nearly brought tears to his own eyes. Her eyes opened for a tense moment, huge and black in her ashen face.

_Your fault._

Yahiko's face floated in his mind, his youthful expression darkened with rage.

_Your fault, Kenshin._

I didn't mean to, he thought. I would _never_…

_My fault._

Her sobs only seemed to validate his thoughts and he clutched her closer. His whispered apology tasted bitter and inadequate on his lips.

_I'm sorry_.

* * *

Misao barely registered the sting that came when she fell to her knees. She couldn't hear her brother's shouts on the other side of the door.

All she could see was the transparent specter that stood before her.

But it was a dream, right? She giggled, not noticing that it sounded a bit hysterical. Maybe she drank a little too much last night and was having a hallucination.

_Hello, little one._

Her eyes widened even further, and she fell back. It was real.

The…_thing_ looked exactly like her, save for the odd outfit she wore. And why was she carrying knives?

_She _looked faintly amused, but the little smile didn't reach her eyes.

_You haven't changed, I see. I'm glad that at least, in this life, it hasn't touched you. _

"In…" her voice was rusted, as if she had not spoken for years. "In this life?"

_There is much that you do not know. I would have__ had you not know them, if I could. _

Misao could only stare as fingers ghosted across her forehead, surprisingly gentle.

"You look like me." It was almost an accusation, and she watched the smile spread across the pale face.

_I am you._

She nodded slowly, wondering how her social life had been reduced to talking with ghosts.

Laughter echoed, disembodied, through the room.

_Trust me, __Misao-chan. Your social life is the least of your worries. _

"You said that you would have had me not know them," Misao choked out. "Know what?"

The smile dimmed, and Misao was sorry for bringing it up.

_You look so like me. And he looks like yesterday. _A touch of wistfulness colored her words, and it hung, heavy, in Misao's heart. _Does that mean that it is nearing the end?_

"What..."

_Be careful. _

"Of what?"

She watched as the ghost of her smiled impishly, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears.

_No sense in repeating the past, ne?_

"What?"

_Should it surprise me, that after all of these eternities, he can still __touch my heart?_

She spoke in riddles. Misao could only watch the smile grow, the tears spill over. "Why are you sad?"

The smile vanished, and Misao was sorry to see it leave.

A kiss fluttered across her forehead, and Misao closed her eyes as _her _words whispered around her.

"MISAO!"

Startled, she could only gape at the pale face of her brother. Okita looked worried. Angry. Frustrated. Scared. She watched the emotions flicker across his face.

The ghost's last words chilled her, and she lunged forward, needing comfort. Her brother's arms locked around her, and Okita tried not to feel helpless as his youngest sister shuddered.

"Okita." Misao's voice sounded unnaturally serious. He smoothed her hair back from her flushed face, frowning as his hands touched her cheeks. She was burning up.

"Mi­-_chan_, what's the matter?"

"Okita." Her smile didn't reach her eyes. "I think…I think I need to go to a doctor."

_At least, in this life, it hasn't touched you. Yet._

* * *

The shriek of the alarm sounded through the apartment, cutting off abruptly when a small hand knocked the purse off of the chair. The cell phone skidded across the floor, silent.

Kaoru opened one eye cautiously and nearly cursed when the movement sent shocks of pain through her temple. Resisting the urge to burrow deeper under the covers, she blearily recalled the previous night. Sanosuke had been cursing halfheartedly and calling her heavy—that tidbit she tucked away. Perhaps she had partaken in one red plastic up too many.

Okita was going to kill her.

Groaning and reluctantly lifting herself out of bed, she headed towards the hallway, only to end up pausing, uncertain. She saw a flash of red while she was caught up in her hazy musings, but turning too quickly only had the pain flare up into something nearly unbearable. And, good God, had there always been an extra door in her room?

Opening it revealed a bathroom, and too tired and sore to wonder _how did that get there_; she decided that a shower sounded like a splendid idea.

* * *

Kenshin pressed a shaking hand over a heart, wondering why the thing didn't just jump right out of his chest. She had almost seen him then.

"I'd rather have the screaming come after breakfast," he muttered. Perhaps if he offered a peace meal, she would refrain from hurting him once she came to her senses. Things never looked too dismal over bacon.

As the redhead mused over possible menus—how would Kaoru like her eggs?—a large BANG sounded through the apartment, shaking the furniture. A wave of fear paralyzed him, and he dimly registered the fact that his hand had nearly wrenched the brass knob off of the door in his shock.

_Shishou _was home.

* * *

Seijiro Hiko had always considered himself to be a patient, understanding, kind, handsome, _compassionate_ man. But seeing that the door TO HIS OWN APARTMENT was locked and bolted shut certainly justified his nearly unhinging the door with his fist. Once inside, he gingerly set the grocery bags on the floor. He had ice cream, damn it.

"The moron tried to lock me out," he muttered, throwing open the freezer door. If any ice cream had melted, he would have to make the idiot clean it with his tongue. The idea brought an almost unholy smile of glee to his face.

His idiot of a nephew skidded out into the hall with a speed that he _almost_ admired, and gaped at him with huge eyes.

Those things were turning odd colors as of late. It would be best to get him to an eye doctor.

"Uncle! I mean, _Shishou!_ What are you doing here?"

Or a head doctor.

"What the hell are you whispering for, _baka deshi_?" Seijiro Hiko didn't believe in indoor voices. "And I happen to live here, moron. What are you thinking, locking me out?"

Kenshin frantically motioned for the (much) larger man to keep his voice down, shooting uneasy glances at the bedroom. As the older man was busy loading the refrigerator, Kenshin was effectively ignored.

Hiko slammed the door with more force than necessary, sneering at his nephew's terror. "What is the matter with you?" he asked.

At least he wasn't bellowing anymore. "Nothing! Nothing happened."

Kenshin winced. As if having a girl sleep over in his uncle's bed was nothing. As if having a voice in your head and a past life following you around was nothing.

"I have eyes in the back of my head, you know." Hiko stated as he poured a cup of milk. Kenshin had believed that until he was fifteen. "And I can smell fear."

Kenshin still believed that.

"Nothing's the matter! When are you leaving for work?"

One inky eyebrow quirked. "Are you trying to get rid of me, _baka deshi_?"

There was frantic hand waving involved in the younger man's denial, and Hiko smirked to himself. The boy looked kind of tired. Not that he was concerned. But maybe he would leave early so Kenshin could get some sleep.

Not that he was worried about him, Hiko mused. But if the idiot was too out of it tomorrow, he might not be a good sparring partner.

Still, his hand was surprisingly gentle as he clasped it on the boy's shoulder. "You don't have class today?"

"It's a Saturday."

Shrugging, he headed down the hall, pausing to grab a large towel from the linen closet. "I just came home for a second to drop off the groceries. I'm going soon." He didn't have to turn to see the boy slump over in relief, his crimson hair spilling out over the counter.

"…Just after I take a shower."

Kenshin grunted, tired. Lying took a lot out of a man. But at least now his uncle was leaving….

_A shower, you idiot! A shower!_

Violet eyes snapped open as a loud scream echoed throughout the apartment, followed by an audible _splat. _

Kenshin heard the footsteps trek back into the kitchen, and stared at his feet, wishing for the floor to swallow him. A subtle cough broke the ensuing silence.

He looked up.

Seijiro Hiko calmly pulled a wet towel off of his head and threw it to the side. It landed with a soft _plop _on the hardwood floor.

"I believe that there is something you failed to tell me."

* * *

Kaoru had apologized profusely to the behemoth that had accidentally walked in on her. Even though it was _his _fault that he had walked in on her changing, the man seemed to command it.

The redhead who was trying not to look like he was watching her was another story.

"What!" Kaoru was not known for her patience.

The boy jumped, startled, and started babbling. She caught words like orange juice and eggs.

"Yes, please." She assumed he was talking about breakfast. She didn't expect the kitchen to go silent on her.

"You understood that, girl?"

She smiled, her eyes glinting dangerously. "My name is Kaoru."

The man shrugged massive shoulders, and she tried not to be amused. "If you can understand Kenshin-babble, you must be made for each other."

The room fell silent again, tension nearly crackling in the air. Kenshin had bowed his head so his eyes were hidden behind the curtain of his bangs. Kaoru felt an inexplicable surge of anger well in her chest.

_He has always been god at hiding._

If Hiko noticed, he—for once—didn't comment on it. Accepting another apology from Kaoru, booming at his nephew to _be a man and talk to the girl, moron_, he swept out of the apartment.

Kaoru stood, suddenly awkward in the ensuing stillness. "I should…"

"Eat." His face was still shadowed by his bangs, but he walked soundlessly to the refrigerator. "You look hungry, Kaoru-_dono_."

A stab of anger wrenched through her, and she sat down heavily eyes unseeing.

_He puts distance between us, even now_The words echoed through her mind, self-deprecating and sorrowful. _He has haunted us throughout all of our lives, and he dares put distance between us? _

Shadowed eyes. He had always hid from her. Kaoru shook her head, confused at the images. They seemed so familiar, and yet…

"Kenshin."

Startled, he looked up and met her eyes.

He looked so beautiful, standing there, peeking out from behind the door, crimson hair askew. Something inside yearned—just for an instant—to be able to reach out, but she kept her hand at her side for fear of the moment vanishing.

"What is it, Kaoru-_dono_?"

The scene was painfully reminiscent of something. Like a long forgotten dream.

"Kenshin, do you--"

"How do you like your eggs, Kaoru?"

She stared at him blankly, unsure of the fresh pain that was seeping through her chest. She nearly expected to turn and see a man with a shock of white hair.

He watched her with those strange eyes as she suddenly shook with laughter. The amber that ringed the violet began to seep in when he felt rather than saw her shoulders shake with tears. She didn't notice.

_Fool.__To think that this time would be any different. _

"Kaoru-_dono_?" His voice trailed off, uncertain.

"I…" God, would this pain ever stop? "I would like some orange juice, please."

His whole body seemed to slump over in relief. "Of course!"

He turned from the refrigerator, carton in hand, and was not surprised to see her gone.

* * *

_Fool. _

Kaoru ran, fighting the urge to simply place her hands over her ears to block out the voice that sounded so achingly familiar. If passerby noticed the tears on her cheeks, they made no move to help, and Kaoru was grateful.

What was going on?

She fumbled for her cell phone before realizing that it wasn't in her purse. She must have left it at Kenshin's apartment. Cursing briefly, she made a detour and punched the number for her brother's cell phone in the payphone.

When her twin's voice blared through the receiver, she closed her eyes and nearly kissed the mouthpiece.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, YOUNG LADY!"

"_Ni-chan_, calm down."

"I'M NOT GOING TO CALM DOWN! YOU'RE MISSING AND MISAO--"

Kaoru felt something icy settle in her stomach. Her brother's voice had broken on the last syllable. "What's wrong with Misao?"

For once, her twin had nothing to say.

"Okita!" Kaoru ignored the stares she was getting from passerby, hunching over and cradling the heavy receiver. The feeling of dread was suffocating. "What's wrong with Misao?"

He sighed, and she could see his shoulders drop in her mind. "She just went to the hospital."

Whatever else he meant to say went unheard. The receiver hung, lifeless, the harsh tones of a disconnected call sounding through the small booth.

* * *

The door seemed to loom in front of her, threatening. Which was absurd, she reminded herself, fighting the equally insane urge to just run and never stop. She had acted on impulse, finding his address in the phonebook, ripping out the page before Okita had even broken the news. She had known that something was wrong. But now…she was unsure.

_Don't you want to know?_ He had asked her that, and the memory effectively straightened her shoulders. Something was wrong. She had to know. With only the faintest foreboding, she raised her hand to knock. The foreboding swelled into a darker fear once the door swung open.

_You can never escape me, Kaoru. I love you. I'll wait for you. Love waits. _

"Kaoru. I've been waiting."

She looked up into turquoise eyes and wondered belatedly if she wasn't making the worst mistake of her life.

"Hello, Enishi."

_Would you let me belong to you?_


	22. Shadow

_Into the devil's den…_

She had always hated hospitals. Megumi had interned at one every summer since high school, and she insisted on dragging her younger sisters with her to the ward to show off. The middle schooler had barely passed the revolving doors before an overwhelming surge of nausea threatened to choke her.

She had never gone back.

Now, as she gazed sightlessly at the sterile walls, even that familiar sense of panic would have been welcome. Anything but this sense of helplessness.

_At least in this life,it has not touched you. Yet. _

Was this what that….what she had meant?

"Misao? Are you all right? Do you want something to eat?"

She turned and looked into Megumi's worried cinnamon eyes and tried to smile. It was rare to see the eldest Hajime so shaken.

"Don't fuss over me, Meg. It's weird."

The taller girl tried on a shaky smile and settled herself down

"Soujiro's here. Outside."

"Where's Okita?"

Megumi laughed softly, and brushed a pale hand over her younger sister's forehead. She frowned at the heat.

"He's probably pacing outside with Sou. Where's Kaoru?"

Misao shifted, and her eyes were bright with fear.

"I don't know."

* * *

"Kaoru, I've been waiting for you."

She turned from the door and nervously clasped and unclasped her hands.

"Here I am."

He moved silently so that she jumped when his arms came around her waist. His breath ghosted over the shell of her ear and she stiffened.

"I missed you."

She felt a calloused hand on the skin left bare by the dress, and couldn't quite control her shudder.

"Kaoru?" He lightly traced circles on her throat. "Are you all right?"

She grabbed his hand, violent thoughts swirling in her head because really, enough was enough. Then she saw the bandage. Shocked at the deep gashes on his knuckles, she gasped and stepped back. Something crunched under her heel and she glanced down, distracted. Glass. She followed the trail of shards to a shattered wall mirror.

Was that blood?

"What are you stupid?" she exploded. His eyebrow kinked, but she was too wired to care. "What did you do? What if there's a glass shard in there, you idiot?" She cradled his hand in her own, her fingers shaking uncontrollably. "Here, move into the light so I can see."

He smiled, and for a moment his eyes were that of a little boy. "Are you…worried about me?"

She shrugged. "Hasn't anyone ever fussed over you before?"

_No._

His eyes darkened with a sort of terrifying rage and his shoulder jerked as if to ward of an unpleasant memory. He handed her the roll of bandages. "I have no one."

_You're all I have. _

She gave a hum of thanks, and satisfied that there was no glass in the cut, measured and ripped a length of gauze. "You have to be careful. Luckily, I don't think these are deep enough to need stitches, but still…"

"You came to me."

She paused, a heartbeat, and then wrapped the bandage. "You said that you had answers."

"So I did. What are your questions?"

Her eyes flashed silver briefly. "I didn't come to play."

"A pity."

"Before I knew you, you knew me, didn't you?" Irritation laced her voice, but her hands never ceased to be gentle.

"I would have known you anywhere." His voice was gentle. "No matter what form you take, no matter what time we meet. I would always know you, Kaoru."

She slowly slipped her hand out of his slack grip, her face pale with confusion. "Enishi, I don't understand."

"You were once a peasant named Sophia. Then a priestess named Hestia. In one life, you were a king's wife, ruler of a nation. Do you remember?" He reached for her, and she shrank back.

"In one life? What are you talking about?" Her voice shook, and she swallowed unease.

"Kaoru." He smiled then, and it was wild. His hand came to cradle her cold cheek. "We're meant to be together, you and me. We're soulmates."

* * *

Misao tugged miserably at her hospital gown as Tokio fussed around her. Her mother's chatter was falsely bright, her slim hands restless.

"Are you hungry, darling? Your father went out to get you some edible food. The doctor should be back by four. Then we'll see if we can take you home."

Misao said nothing as her mother's voice shook, but pushed the food on her plate around with her fork. A sound made both turn to the door. Megumi offered a shaky smile as she entered.

"Hi, baby." She whispered, her eyes tired. "I think Kaoru's here. She'll probably get yelled at by Okita, but she'll be right in. I talked to the doctor, and I think you're going to be okay."

Misao nodded, and closed her eyes, wondering why everyone around her seemed to have to lie.

* * *

"What the hell happened to you? Why are you still wearing last night's dress?" Okita rushed to his sister, taking in her pale face. Her gaze was unfocused, and when he took her shoulders, he was shocked to feel them shake. "Kaoru?"  
She jumped, and seemed to come back into herself. "Hey. Where's Mi?"

"She's in her room. I don't know what's going on—the doctors won't tell us anything, but Meg's freaking out." Okita ran an unsteady hand through his hair. "Where have you been? I've been going out of my mind!"

"I'm sorry." She took his hand in his, warming it. "I'm here now. Who's in with Mi? Where's Dad?"

"Meg and Mom are in there with Misao, probably driving her nuts with their nagging." Okita barked out a harsh laugh. "Dad went out to get some food for her—she's not eating the hospital junk."

"I'll go in and see her."

"She's been asking for you. Better go in now."

She nodded and squeezed her twin's hand before slipping into the room.

A second of silence.

"AND DON'T FOR ONE SECOND THINK THAT I DON'T KNOW YOU DIDN'T ANSWER ME, MISSY!"

* * *

"Hey, Mi."

Tokio and Megumi turned to the younger girl, their eyes relieved and angry. She offered a sheepish smile in return, nervously fidgeting by the door.

Misao smiled weakly and patted a space beside her on the bed. "Hey, Kao."

Tokio rose gracefully and placed a kiss on her youngest daughter's forehead. "We'll just leave you two alone. I'll be back with good food, so you had best work up an appetite."

The door shut softly behind Megumi. Misao could hear them murmuring with Okita out in the hall.

"How are you feeling?" Kaoru was quiet as she climbed up on the bed. She stretched out next to her younger sister and grasped her smaller hand in hers. "Mi?"

"I'm scared," she whispered. "I feel like I'm losing my mind."

"Hey. What are you talking about?"

"I saw something, before Okita came in. It looked exactly like me. And it spoke to me. I'm going insane, aren't I? That's why I'm in here. Oh, God."

"Shhhh." Kaoru pressed a kiss to her sister's hair, her eyes worried. "You're not going crazy. You're not losing your mind. Trust me, okay?"

"Then what's happening to me?" Misao's voice rose, and it was tinged with panic. "I don't understand."

"Do you think that maybe that _thing_ you saw—"

"The hallucination?"

"What if it was real?"

Silence.

"Oh, my God, Kaoru, don't tell me that you've hopped on board the loony bin. Because I really think that there's only room enough for one of us."

"No, really. Enishi said—"

"Yukishiro?" Misao repeated, incredulous. "Have you lost your _mind_? He's insane. Was that where you were? You went to go and see him?"

Kaoru lifted a finger to her lips. "Are you crazy? If Okita heard you, he'd go and grab Daddy's sword and filet him!"

"Am _I _crazy? I wasn't the one who was out all night with Yukishiro, creepy stalker person extraordinaire! Don't you remember when he was behind our car with that rose?"

"He says that we're soulmates."

Misao made a strangled, shocked noise. "Oh, well. Huh. That explains everything."

"Don't you get it?" Kaoru sat up abruptly, her hands gesturing in agitation. "He says that we've had past lives. Reincarnation. Old Souls. The works."

"What does me being an old soul have to do with anything?"

Kaoru stared at her for a second, and her eyes filled. "I don't know," she sobbed. "I don't understand anything."

Misao was shaken. Kaoru rarely cried in front of her, she was supposed to be the strong one. "Kaoru, it's okay. I'm sorry I called you crazy."

Kaoru laughed through her tears, and hiccupped. "Misao, I don't know what to do. Are you all right? Do you need anything?"

"Can you," she bit her lip and tried not to let the burning in her eyes overwhelm her. She didn't want to cry. "Can you just sit with me for a little while? I'm kind of scared. Please."

Her sister snorted, and reached for the box of tissues by the bed. "Don't be stupid."

Misao smiled and hugged her sister to her. "Don't cry, Kao. I'm feeling better already. Everything will work out. Just watch."

Kaoru's smile stopped short of her eyes, but she pressed a soft kiss to her sister's cool forehead. "Of course, Mi."

"_Soulmates?" Kaoru's eyes widened in disbelief. _

_Enishi pressed her shaking hand to his chest and she fought down a sense of panic at the contact. Something felt wrong. _

"_When you were Hestia, I was a shepherd boy. When you were Sophia, I was a Duke. Don't you see? I have always been near you."_

_She tugged at her hand, hysteria threatening to choke her as she found she couldn't move him. "Wait. Enishi."_

_He ignored her. "I've done so much for you." His grip grew painful as he continued. "Everything. Only for you."_

"_Enishi, I-"_

"_You know that _he _never wanted you the way I did. Needed you the way I do." His grin grew manic, and she stiffened. "He just brings you pain. I _always _save you from him, you know."_

"_Stop, I…"_

"_But _she _wouldn't understand." Something shuttered over the turquoise. "She won't understand and she'll keep us apart, I have to deal with her. Just like I dealt with the me from this time." _

"_Enshi, what are you--" _

_He suddenly cupped her cheek in his palm, his touch tender and his gaze crazed. He drew her into an embrace. _

Oh, Enishi, _something inside of her sighed in pity. _Always alone.

"_We have to get rid of her, Kaoru. For us to be together. You understand, don't you?"_

_She stepped back, spooked. "I don't know what you're talking about." _

"_Don't you want the voice in your head to stop?"_

_She didn't answer, but it was in her eyes. He smiled, and it was feral. "We could be together, Kaoru. I—"_

_The phone rang, and she nearly jumped out of her skin. Her mind was whirling. Soulmates? Other lives? Had everything gone crazy? _

_Underneath all of the buzzing questions was the strong pulse of denial. This was wrong. He was wrong. _

Don't be a fool.

_She just wanted everything to stop. _

_When Enishi came into the room, the door to his apartment was swinging dejectedly by the door. He smiled dejectedly._

_She was gone._

Everything would be all right, Kaoru thought, her eyes straying to the IV embedded in her sister's pale arm. It had to be.

* * *

Sano paused, his fist raised and ready to knock. Should he? Shouldn't he? Did he have the right to know anymore? The door swung open, deciding for him.

"_Oi_! You almost broke my nose!" Sano complained. He took in the sight before him, and let out a low whistle. "You look awful."

"Your observational skills are still intact, I see, Sagara."

"Are you going to invite me in?"

The man wordlessly shifted to allow the brunette access. Sano looked around him. The sparse apartment should have been cold. But the blank walls and minimal furniture still managed to give off a homey vibe. The warm scent of tea saturated the air.

"I'm assuming you have a reason for being here?" Aoshi's voice betrayed no interest, but his eyes were questioning as he poured some of the sweet smelling liquid into a cup.

Sano accepted it gratefully. He hated tea, but it helped to have something in his hand to play with. "I'm not really sure why I'm here, or why I feel like I have to tell you this. Or why you're supposed to know. Or--"

"Sagara." Aoshi's voice was curt. "I'm really trying to understand you and not just shake it out of you. Appreciate my restraint."

"Misao's in the hospital." Sano's grin faded, and he set the cup on the kitchen counter with a sharp _clink_. Aoshi's color was scaring him. "Are you okay? Yo, Aoshi."

"I don't understand. What? I…I need to see her." His voice shook, unnerving Sanosuke even more. Aoshi's voice never shook. "Where…where is she? I need to see her."

Sanosuke nodded in understanding. "Put on your coat. I'll drive."

* * *

Kenshin felt like an idiot. Or, being on the receiving end of Okita's infamous glowers, he felt like an idiot with a death wish. The cell phone felt like a lead weight in his grip. When he had heard Okita say that they were at the hospital, a wave of terror had paralyzed him, and he had rushed to the nearest hospital without thinking. The fact that it t wasn't Kaoru, but Misao in the white paper gown brought him little relief. The dread at meeting Okita's scowl crushed that relief to the ground.

"And you have my sister's phone why exactly?"

"Ah…she was a bit…under the weather last night and Sanosuke--" Kenshin trailed off, horrified. Sanosuke was so dead.

"I'm going to kill that freakin' rooster head."

Kenshin thought that maybe looking stupidly sheepish would work on this twin.

From the glare that the boy sent his way, he figured that it wasn't working. Like sister like brother.

_Okita was always able to see through any bull—_

"Oh, shut up," he muttered, rolling his eyes.

The following pregnant pause did nothing for his nerves.

"Did you just tell me to shut up?"

"Oh, oh, no—I didn't mean to say that out loud, just to think it." _Shoot. _He winced. The nerve currently throbbing in Okita's forehead didn't look to be healthy. How much more would Kaoru hate him if he gave her brother a heart attack?

_How much more could she hate you already? _

Kenshin sighed dejectedly. That was true. After his performance this morning....

"What performance this morning?"

Kenshin's head snapped up; horrified. Did he say that out loud? Again? Okita seemed to swell with righteous fury.  
"You. What. Did. You. Do." Okita's mouth settled in a grim line. "Did you do something to my sister? Is that why she's so upset?"

_Kaoru was upset?_

"Oh, no, I'm not…I mean to say," Kenshin stammered. He felt like he should be ashamed of himself. If all things were to be believed, he was the reincarnation of the most dangerous assassin in Japanese history, for goodness sake. Could he not handle one man?

Of course, said man was also Kaoru's brother. And both seemed to have inherited a rather dangerous temper.

"Spit it OUT, you imbecile!"

And the same lack of patience.

Kenshin straightened his spine and lifted his chin in what he hoped was a confident gesture. "I did nothing to your sister. And let me make perfectly clear that I would never—"

_Wait._

"You would never what?"

Shocked, Kenshin turned. Kaoru stood, her arms crossed purposefully across her chest and one slim eyebrow raised in question.

"You would never what?"

* * *

Kaoru rubbed her temples, agitated. The headache that was drumming behind her eyes was threatening to overwhelm her. Misao slept on by her side, oblivious.

"Am I going crazy?" she asked her sleeping sister. "I really don't know who to believe anymore."

She pressed a soft kiss to her sister's pale cheek and shifted slowly, careful not to wake her. The bite or two of pancake she had at Kenshin's felt like lead in her stomach.

She opened the door, bracing herself for her brother's wrath.

Instead she saw a flash of red. Inexplicable rage bloomed in her stomach. Would he just not leave? Why was he here?

He was arguing with Okita in rising tones, and she rolled her eyes, preparing to break it up, when…

"I did nothing to your sister. And let me make perfectly clear that I would never—"

Pain.

She was so tired of feeling hurt.

_He would never. He has never. No matter how I feel, he would never want me…Not the way I wasted my time wanting him._

The words echoed in her head, and more irritation lurked behind her eyes. It colored her voice as she spoke.

"You would never what?"

Both men stiffened before turning her way. She repeated her question, looking straight at the red head and his panic filled expression.

"Karou-_dono_!" He snapped out of his daze first. "I…your…I mean…."

"The idiot brought your phone," Okita translated, irate. "What I would like to know is why he has it in the first place."

She shrugged. "I don't know." She steeled herself and walked over to the taller boy to hold out her hand. "Thank you for bringing it by."

"I was hoping that I could talk to you. Alone. Somewhere. Alone."

Okita opened his mouth, already delighting in whatever wit he was going to share. Kaoru stepped on his foot and watched his mouth clamp shut.

"Lead the way."

* * *

Kenshin ducked inside an empty room and cleared his throat, eyes flitting across the room, careful not to land on anything. Okita's squawking rang in the hallways before Megumi's annoyed voice told him none too gently to shut up. He would have laughed…

But she was looking at him with an unreadable expression on her face. It belied his humor. Even now, he couldn't tell what she was thinking, and it frustrated him.

"About this morning…

"Do you know Yukishiro?"

He stopped, startled. What possessed her to ask that? Did she forget the night of the party?

"I'm not talking about the little snarling matches you've been getting into lately," she waved that off impatiently. "I'm asking if you know Enishi."

Anger sparked in his chest at even the name coming from her lips. "We don't run in the same circles."

"I see." She seemed contemplative.

"Kaoru-_dono_, I don't think that you should—"

"My name is Kaoru."

He stopped, startled again. "I know what your name is."

_What a joke, I love you. Of course I know what your name is._

She laughed softly and ran a hand over her pale face. "You act as if I'm your—your landlady or something! Is it so hard to simply say my name?"

_Kaoru._

"Kaoru, I don't think that you should associate with Enishi."

Her smile, which has blossomed at her name sans the honorific, slipped. "Associate?"

"He's dangerous."

"He's lonely."

"He's insane!"

She bowed her head and murmured something he didn't catch.  
"What?"

She looked up, eyes unsure. "I said that he knows me. Knew me."

Silence.

"He says that we're meant to be together."

Silence.

_What?_

Kenshin threw back his head and roared with laughter He could feel her stiffen in embarrassment, but couldn't help himself.

_Of all the stunts Enishi had pulled throughout the ages…

* * *

  
_

He was laughing at her.

She was shaking, her fists clenched at her sides.

"I'm thrilled that you find this all so amusing."

He continued to howl, and she threw her hands up in the air and started for the door.

"Wait." His voice was still choked. "Wait. Please."

She stilled, expectant.

"Surely you cannot believe that."

"Surely I don't know what to believe."

"He's lying, obviously. You cannot be meant for each other, it's ludicrous."

She ignored the reluctant whisper of agreement. "I'm sure that if it were ridiculous, we would know, wouldn't we."

"He cannot be made for you. He is not."

Her eyes widened in rage at his arrogance, and she stalked towards him until they were nose to nose. "And how the hell would you know?"

"You're meant for me."

She fell back a little, her skin growing even colder. "What?"

"_You and I are soul mates, Kaoru_." His amber eyes were hypnotic.

Amber? And…Did Himura's voice sound different? She shook her head in confusion. What was going on?

"I guess there's a lot of that going on."

"_What_?"

"I'm sorry, you're only the second to have told me that today. Goodness, pick up lines are getting rather clever."

He growled in annoyance. "_That little son of a b_—"

She cleared her throat before the oath completed itself.

"As it may be, I think that maybe both of you should stay away from each other."

"What did he tell you?"

She shrugged, anger ghosting across her face. "What does it matter? You seem to think its nonsense anyway."

Kenshin struggled with his impatience. "_What did he say_?"

She struggled with something, before sighing. "He said that I've past lives. I was a priestess before. Then a servant girl or something."

_Hestia. Sophia._

"Did he tell you anything else?"

"No." She looked away, unsure. "Just that he's always been with me. That we're meant."

Rage blinded him, and made his words curt. "And you believe him." How dare Enishi defile memories with his falsities.

"I don't know what to believe. I'm blacking out." Her voice shook slightly, and she suddenly looked very young. "I'm blacking out. Chunks of time where I don't know what happened or how I got where I am or what I said. I hear a voice that sounds like me but isn't. I'm going insane. Do you understand what that feels like?"

He stared at her, his amber eyes filled with ancient sadness. "_I would spare you this, if I could. You must know that I would never wish you harm."_

Her eyebrow kinked, and he watched silently as the silver flooded the blue.

"_That's amusing, coming from you."_

"_You _know._ You know what he said were lies. And yet you let her believe?"_

"_She wants a life without the past dodging her every footstep. I'm trying to give that to her." _

"_He's dangerous. You know that."_

"_He's alone, Kenshin. But that isn't the point. The point is that I'm trying to give her—to give me a second chance. Without the commentary. Without the coaching." _Her lip curled, mocking. "_We all know how successful that has been in the past." _

A flash of memory, and Kenshin shook his head to rid his nose of the stench of blood.

"_You push her away from us. How is that not interfering?"_

She walked closer, and her hand reached out for his. His skin singed at the contact, and the desire to hold her closer welled up within his chest.

"_Don't you wonder? Don't you wonder if you only chase me for duty?"_

"_I don't understand."_

"_Kenshin, you've always had a problem with guilt. Do you ever think that you think you love me because of the mistakes you've made?"_

"_Kaoru."_

She pulled away, and rubbed her arms as if to ward off a chill. _"I would not tell her of what happened when she was Hestia. Or when she was Anne, and wed to the King. Would you?"_

He wouldn't. "_Still. You make it as if you would run from me."_

"_I want my happiness, Kenshin. I want yours. I want to break this cycle before it kills me."_

"_What of Misao." _

The silver grew dull. "_I will find a way. I have no quarrel with Shinomori. Perhaps he can help her." _

"_You said you want my happiness."_

"_I do."_

"_You hate me."_

She sighed, and closed her eyes. "_I would never hate you. I don't think I ever could, and that kills me. But I can't let this happen again. I won't be with you. Not when you're acting out of something you should have left behind a long time ago." _

"_I don't understand."_

"_You never did." _When he opened his eyes to argue, she noted dimly the swirls of amethyst in the amber. "_Do you love me?"_

He was speechless. His mouth opened and closed like a fish. She would have laughed, if she had the heart to. Instead she focused on keeping the tears at bay.

"_All this time, and you still don't know?"_

"_Kaoru."_

He stopped, startled when he met her blue gaze.

"I…I think I was saying something, but I can't—" She was shaking now, her eyes huge in an impossibly pale face. "I think that you should just leave me alone. I don't want…I don't know…"

He made as if to touch her, and she flinched away. His hand dropped to his side.

"_I do. You know I do."_

She looked at him, and he fancied seeing a flash of something sad behind her eyes. "I…I don't…"

She turned again and rushed out of the room. Her hair streamed out behind her like a dark blanket of silk.

He stared after her long after the door slammed shut.

* * *

She sat on the bench, wiping the infernal tears. A hand settled on her shoulder, and she whirled.

"Kenshin, I _said _that I—"

Instead, she was met by sympathetic brown eyes.

"Yahiko, right?" She shot him a bemused smile, struggling to shrug off her black mood. "What are you doing here?"

"Sano told me that Misao was sick. I wanted to see if there was anything I could do."

She stared at him as a wave of gratitude washed over her. "Thank you. That means a lot."

He shrugged, trying to hide the flush of pink. "It isn't like it's much help or anything."

She stared off into space, but clasped his darker hand in hers. "I don't know if there is much we can do right now—they're still not sure what's really the problem. All we can do is pray."

He tried to stamp down on the emotion welling up in him. "Of course."

It wasn't fair. Why did the bad things always seem to follow them?

"Kaoru…."

He basked in the bitter sweetness. It was his Kaoru. His sister. His mom. She was right next to him!

And yet…

Her eyes were sadder. Harder. His old heart ached a little for her.

Why did the bad things always follow?

"It doesn't suit you, you know." He whispered, kicking his legs like the little boy she had always teased him of being.

"What doesn't?" Kaoru has turned to him, and her eyes were curious.

Yahiko shrugged, his eyes gazing at a long lost memory.

"Bitterness."

_Where I go, the shadows follow. _


End file.
